From Night to Day
by Mercy
Summary: Alt. Un Spike moves into Sunnydale with a tradgic past and is trying to heal with a little help from Buffy who is battling her own past. Chapter 20 is now up!
1. For Sale & Moving In

From Night to Day  
  
Author: Mercy  
  
Disclaimers: I own nothing they belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy, I just borrow them on occasion. But I wish I owned some of them..maybe one day in my dreams...lol..not!!!  
  
Summary: Buffy is living with her mother and Dawn in Sunnydale, her next door neighbours house goes up for sale. Guess who moves in next door with a baby, all cute and gorgeous, and I mean besides the baby. But there are a few obstacles along the way, and not to mention their differences in age. Buffy is trying to deal with a dark time in her life and she looking for the strength to conquer it. He is looking for something that he thinks his lost, his trying to learn to live again, and maybe love again.  
  
But love is blind, renewing for the spirit and divine for the soul~~~ who says me Mercy me (he he)  
  
Timeline: AU all the way  
  
Rating: PG 13 to begin continuing to NC-17 with a hint of R somewhere along the way  
  
Chapter One For Sale  
  
The loud bagging of a hammer moved in time with the second hand on her watch, as she peered at it once again. She was going to be late again. Snyder was going to kill her for sure this time, this would be the third time this month that she was late, and she'd get a detention for sure.  
  
"Come on Mum, I'm late again, Snyder's gonna love this.", Dawn yelled towards her mother, as she made her way to the front door, "Can't I just stake him and be done with it already!"  
  
"Okay, okay, just wait a minute!" Joyce voice was strained at hearing her daughters demands, as she scramble around her looking for her keys, "I cannot find my keys, where are they?"  
  
"There on the coffee table mom!" Buffy said with a laugh as she bounded down the stairs, "Where you always leave them!"  
  
Joyce walked to the table, pick up her keys and motioned to her two daughters to vacate the house, with a sweeping of her hands, "Let's go!"  
  
The hammering that could be heard earlier became more acute as the front door opened, and the family left the house. It became apparent as the girls walked toward the Jeep, that a 'FOR SALE' sign was being erected on the neighbours' front lawn. Sitting there as bold as brass telling the world that the old Coopers' place had finally gone up for sale, after years of neglect by the previous owners. The gardens resembled a forest more than flower beds and lawns, the trees hadn't been trimmed in years, and the house looked like it was about to cave in.  
  
"So Old Man Coopers' finally hit the bucket!", Dawn stating the obvious for all.  
  
"Dawn, don't speak about the dead like that!", her mother responded harshly.  
  
"Buuttt Mommmm !!!!"  
  
"Dawn it isn't proper to speak of the dead like that, even if he was a pain in the backside", Joyce commented with a smirk on her face, both of her two girls breaking out in laughter at their mothers little outburst.  
  
"Well let's just hope that who ever buys the place isn't as creepy as Old Man Cooper was", Buffy looked at the old house hoping against hope that the new owners wouldn't be a weird as Old Man Cooper had been.  
  
The drive to Sunnydale High went quickly and without much comment from any of the passengers in the car. Dawn was too interested in the homework that she hadn't done the night before, and Buffy with the make up she had yet to apply before she got to class.  
  
"Well Miss I hope that you put as much effort in your studies as you do your make up!"  
  
Joyce reprimanding her daughter for her lack of interest in her schooling, as she pulled into the school drive. This had become a major issue in the Summers' household this last term. Buffy's grades had been falling and Joyce was beginning to wounder why....there was no apparent reason, but she wondered if it has something to do with that dreadful man Riley. Her boyfriend in collage, Riley had just dumped her on her 18th birthday, and Joyce still had yet to prize it out of Buffy why they had split.  
  
She still couldn't believe that her eldest had turned 18, and Dawn was about to turn 15, since they were such contradictions of each other. Buffy was wild and impulsive, but had a responsible attitude, and Dawn was serious and studious, with her face forever in a book, or doing her homework. They were like chalk and cheese, she wondered sometimes how they ever could be related to each other.  
  
Joyce let out a long sigh, as she watched her eldest finish applying her make up, and pulled out of the curve to continue on their journey onto Sunnydale campus to drop off Buffy for her day's classes.  
  
'Ugh, psychology again', Buffy wondered to herself as she made her way down to her class, 'Why do we have to do something that I swear I'll never use in my lifetime?'. As she turned the corner she was approaching, she collided with another human being that happened to be the male that filled some of her waking thoughts, and her sleep with nightmares.....Riley.  
  
"Oh my god, I am so sorry, here let me help you", Riley said to Buffy as she picked up the books that had been knocked out her hands, and had gone flying across the hallway.  
  
"Its okay, I I I I don't need anyyyyyy help thank you", she stuttered as she stumbled to pick up her books, and tried to find her composure that she seemed to have lost.  
  
"But Buff, I can help?", Riley tried to help pick up her books that still remained on the floor.  
  
"I don't need or want your type of help", Buffy finished retrieving her books, looking at Riley with a sense of disgusted on her face.  
  
"Hey Buffy, what offence did I commit to deserve this type of treatment?"  
  
"I would have thought the fact that you're still breathing was an offence", Buffy retorted to his stupid statement, he knew what he had done to her.  
  
"So what, one day you breathe hot then cold", Riley snorted out, "What are you dead, or something?"  
  
"Only where you're concerned."  
  
"What did I do to you?"  
  
Buffy hesitated with the attention that they seemed to be drawing in, from the crowd around them. She contemplated it for about 0.25 seconds and thought 'why not?' and finally did something she should have done ages ago.  
  
"Riley, you say that I blow hot and cold, but at least I know what 'yes' and 'no' means. Not 'yes' means 'no', and 'stop' means rip my blouse off", Buffy said it in a calm and loud voice, and with what little nerve she had left she turned and walked away from the little scene.  
  
She'd done it, she'd showed him that Buffy Summers was one not to be played with, used or abused. She promised herself from that day on that no man would ever walk over her again..........  
  
Three Weeks Later  
  
A solitary figure moved in front of the house with a very tightly bundled bit of woollen cloth, pulled close to his chest. He gently bobbed the bundle up and down in his hands, slowly and rhythmically, keeping it close to him at all times. He pulled it even closer to his body as he bent down, pulled out a large envelope in his hands, and removed the "SOLD" sticker. He looked at the sticker for a little while, as if mesmerised by it. It's definitive meaning, which meant more to him than anyone could ever conceive.  
  
What it would mean to him and the little bundle he held in his arms.  
  
It was so final, but also a new beginning..........like shutting an old door, and opening a new one.  
  
"Well Little Bit welcome to our new home", the figure removed the back of the sticker and balanced the bundle on one knee as he placed it on the FOR SALE sign.  
  
Unbeknownst to the man he was being watched by a single female next door, looking out the window of her bedroom on the second floor. Watching the solitary figure with the bundle in his hands, she noticed the striking platinum blonde hair and most importantly she thought, 'oh my god what a hottie !! '. But the bundle began to squirm and cry out, she couldn't help but notice the baby within his arms, trying to get out of its restraint in the blanket it was wrapped in. She watched as the stranger tried to sooth the baby, with a voice that she couldn't hear, but only could imagine, as the baby settled to his rhythm of speech, she wondered what lullaby he appeared to be singing to the infant. . "Please, please, please be the new owner, and please not be married, or let the kid be your brother", Buffy whispered to herself, as she continued to watch the two as they turned and began to walk in the direction of the Summers house, and move to the sidewalk.  
  
Buffy continued to watch the man and child walk down the street, looking at him as closely as she could. She noticed the hard clean line of his dominate cheek bones, and square jaw, but was continually drawn back to that hair. It was short and slicked back to the sides, but what most attention grabbing was its colour. It's platinum blond, almost white in colour, absolutely contrasted by the black jeans and long black leather jacket he wore. The combination was so lethal it should be illegal, Buffy contemplated too herself, he was so alluring to her at that moment in time. With this thought she caught herself short, catching herself off guard, she couldn't believe that she had just thought, what she'd thought. Trying to remember the promise she had made to herself concerning men, or any man in fact.  
  
"Oh my god, just what I need a Billy Idol wanna be!" she spoke aloud to herself. Chiding herself for even thinking bad thoughts, especially after what Riley had done to her. She was so off men. But she couldn't help herself but be drawn to this man, to a place she feared would bring her to a dark place again. A place she felt would only bring her weakness, when she craved only strength to free herself from the darkness that Riley had brought into her life.  
  
She had decided that she would never allow a man to create such havoc in her life again. Especially after the night that Riley had decided that he'd waited enough time for Buffy too come her senses and give him what he wanted. Which in this case had been his demand to take their relationship further. Something that Buffy herself had not been ready to do, it had not been the right moment for her and she hadn't felt it was the right time in their relationship yet.  
  
But Riley had decided for them both, that it had been indeed the right time, much to Buffy's cries of 'no' and 'please stop'. He simply decided to ignore her, and in the end only created a nightmare for Buffy. One that seemed to haunt her at night in her dreams and created chaos in her attempts to move forward with her life.  
  
And she wanted her life back again......  
  
Chapter Two Moving In  
  
"Hey watch it will you!", yelled a voice that didn't belong in Buffy's cloudy brain, she tried to ignore it, and reached for her blankets and pulled them over her head. It was too early in the morning and too cold, to have to even have think about what was going on around her.  
  
"Where you want it mister???" another voice penetrated into Buffy's head, grating over her already tired brain cells. She begrudgingly pulled the covers down and looked at her bedside clock.  
  
7.43 AM  
  
"Upstairs, the first room to the right", the first voice that she had heard before sounded again.  
  
"Why me? Why now? What have I done to deserve this?" Buffy grumbled to no one but herself, "It's Saturday for goodness sake!!!"  
  
She stumbled out of her bed over to her window, looking out she saw what had created the racket that had awoken her up. A large moving van was parked outside the front of Old Coopers' place, two burly men in grey overalls moved furniture and boxes on the front lawn of next door. A mixture of old and modern furniture formed a menagerie on the front yard. It resembled more of a jumble sale than a moving in thingy, Buffy thought.  
  
A car door slamming caught her attention, with the accompanying "Bugger" that went with it. The distant English accent was strong and piercing. The owner's annoyance reverberated in the air as it was carried into Buffy's ears. Snapping her head towards the owner of the voice she saw the back of the platinum head that could have only belonged to her mystery man from the other day. He was holding a cell phone to his ear, as he began to pace the lawn, his annoyance to whom ever he was talking too expressed in his gait and the irritation in his face that only hardened the chiselled look of his face.  
  
What ever it was he was really pissed.  
  
In that moment he turned and looked up into his neighbours house, up to the second story and saw the figure that stood at the window. Staring at the young girl, he plainly saw her amusement at his displeasure, only making him seethe more at the disaster that had been his day already, and he hadn't even had a coffee or a smoke yet.  
  
The day had been a total catastrophe, the movers had shown up two hours earlier than expected, making him totally unprepared for the day, and interrupting his sleep. Not that he got much lately, and if any it was so broken that he felt like a dropped drinking glass, that had shattered into a thousand pieces. So much like his life in the last three months. So broken he thought sometimes that he may never be able to glue it back together again. But he had to get his life back on track, because he had more than himself to think about, something more important than his own life.  
  
Reflecting on his thoughts, his hands went into his pockets looking for the smokes that he had hastily given up a few weeks ago. His mind raced to think whether he had an old packet in the car, or anywhere within the packing boxes.  
  
"Bugger, of all the bloody stupid times!!!", he swore to himself, turning around towards the house, the young girl in the window was the least of his concerns, as he was drawn deep into other worries that whorled around in his mind. She was forgotten within the same instant that he noticed her.  
  
"No Mum I wasn't talking to you!!", the accent becoming more broad and strained within the contexts of his conversation, "Please Mum don't worry we will be alright!!"  
  
"Yes Mum I have your number in the phone don't worry"  
  
"Yes Mum any sign of trouble I call you straight away"  
  
"Mum you know why I had to leave!!", Buffy watched as his face turned pale, drained of all colour, his head bowed down to the ground, "I can't stay there mum, please don't ask again!!"  
  
With a flick of his wrist he turned the cell off, and turned towards the car once again, he moved towards the front passenger door, looking in the glove compartment, finding what he'd been looking for.  
  
Sod it, he thought to himself, as he light up a stale cigarette, the bitter sour taste filled his mouth and the smoke caused his head to spin. He let the repulsive stale smoke fill his lung and his senses, it was if it was the only sense feeling he had left in his being.  
  
He felt numb from the inside out, and all he wanted to do was feel again, the emptiness was killing him...........  
  
Buffy watched as the peroxide blond moved in a hurried rush around his own lawn talking into his cell phone. She moved back quickly from the window as she saw the blondes face look into her window noticing her presence. Her presence was noticed, and one that she didn't think that he seemed to like, with the hardened look of disapproval in his face. Even from the distance of her window she could see the tension in his face causing the muscles on his cheek bones to strain. Buffy realised at that moment in time that this was one fellow that she wouldn't like to irritate.  
  
But as quickly as he glared at her, he turned and began roaming back towards his own house. Talking it would appear to his mom, and a very worried mom at that. It kinda reminded Buffy about how here own mom worried too much about her.  
  
'Like hello I am 18', Buffy thought to herself.  
  
She continued to watch as, he moved back towards his car, terminating his conversation on the cell, leaning in through the door, finding something, a cigarette, lighting it up, and inhaling deeply. Buffy could feel her own stomach turn at the thought of the second hand smoke. She looked deeper into the interior of the car, she observed what appeared to be a baby seat with the back seat of the car. Lying within it she could see a bright florescent green blanket, she couldn't make out whether an infant lay within it, or it was just covered with a blanket.  
  
"Ok so we have baby, where's mom?", Buffy's mind raced thinking where was the baby's mother. Reflecting back to her first sighting of the mystery man, he was alone then, but he must be married or something....where was the child's mother. She looked around the neighbour's yard and saw no woman present. The baby must be with its mom she thought, but she heard the first howl of the infant that did indeed lie within the baby seat.  
  
The new neighbour quickly extinguished the cigarette that lay between his lips, and removed the squalling infant from the baby seat. He quickly moved to pickup a baby bag that lay next to the baby seat and slammed the back door. Only making the little one cry even louder, and wriggle within his arms. He quickly made his way into the house and disappeared from view.  
  
The smoke that had filled his lungs now made him feel like he wanted to be sick, but this didn't stop him from inhaling more with his next breathe, making him feel like he was going to gag on his next inspiration on the oxygen and smoke filled gas.  
  
Life and death in the same breathe.  
  
What a contradiction he contemplated, as he heard the baby begin to cry, demanding attention. He extinguished the cigarette that had been creating such an overwhelming feeling of physical and emotional turmoil within him. He went to retrieve the baby from the car seat, the baby bag that lay beside it and quickly moved towards the house.  
  
His mind began to wonder as the life he held in his arms became insistent and wanted to be feed. And probably a nappy change wouldn't hurt, the smell coming from the nappy was just horrendous.  
  
"What have we been feeding you Little Bit"  
  
Laying the baby on the counter in the kitchen that they know stood within, he went about changing the baby. His mind lost in deep thoughts of a woman happy and stunningly beautiful with pregnancy, thinking that she should be here, now, and in this moment. Sharing every moment with their child, every cry, smile, word, and even a dirty nappy or two.  
  
But that dream had been shattered so quickly and agonizingly by one bleak moment in time. And one drunk driver, who never saw the BMW coming the other way, he was so drunk that he couldn't keep his head up and didn't see the headlights of the other car. Not even as he ploughed in the BMW, causing the owner and his wife to be thrown around like marbles, triggering one of them to splinter into a thousand pieces. Causing the untimely birth of their child and the haemorrhage that eventually seeped the life force out of her.  
  
The baby oblivious to these poignant thoughts within her fathers head gurgled and began pulling at her feet. Seemingly happy to have a new nappy on and playfully went about further exploring her toes. A smile or something that resembled a smile adorned the little face, making the father lose his scowl, reminding him this is what was now the most important thing in his life.  
  
His child........and no one or anything else mattered more than his child.  
  
Buffy was not the only one to see the new arrivals, Joyce had noticed the young man struggle with his own thoughts and the baby. Her heart ached at the sight, and her maternal instincts cut in, driving her into the kitchen and the stove. She quickly prepared the milk and retrieved the thermos from its hiding place from the back of the pantry.  
  
Making her way over to the Coopers' place she knocked on the door, and waited for the shadows she saw move within come to the back door. With the swing of the door there within stood a very handsome man and a half naked baby about six months old in only a nappy.  
  
"Hi, I'm your neighbour form next door, ummm Joyce", Joyce moved closer to the two, "I thought you could use a hand, or something".  
  
She lifted the thermos in the air, placed the other hand on the screen door opening it and coming straight in. Causing the occupants to move back further into the house, and out of Joyce's way as she barged in, moving straight into the kitchen, she surveyed her surroundings.  
  
"What lady you don't need an invitation or something?", the open hostility causing Joyce to cringe somewhat. Causing the baby to cry, and wriggle about in between the two arms that held her within them. The baby leaned with arms out stretched towards Joyce, crying harder and making her intentions even clearer. She wanted Joyce to take her from her fathers embrace, and give her a cuddle. Joyce's motherly intuition made her move forward and take the baby from her father, and begin to soothe the child with a little jiggle of the baby and soft words uttered from her mouth.  
  
"There's some milk in the thermos for you, I thought that a nice hot drink was just what you needed", Joyce indicated to the stainless steel container that still lay within her hand. She indicated to the new neighbour that he should take it. Opening it up he looked in at the contents, smelt the aroma that permeated from it and began to laugh at its contents.  
  
"Hot bloody Chocolate!!", the British accent softened and was almost unheard by those in the room, "Got any of those little marshmallows to go with that???"  
  
Joyce indicated to the bag that was slung from her shoulder, he moved forward and removed her burden, only to find it full of goodies. Enough to have a sugar rush from for a very long time.  
  
"I thought if you're anything like my kids, you'd have a very sweet tooth and would like some junk food to tide you over until you can go to the market."  
  
"Thanks I appreciate the thought"  
  
"Your welcome"  
  
Joyce moved the baby over to her hip as she moved towards counter, and what appeared to be the baby bag. Opening it up she took out a baby bottle, and moved toward the microwave, she'd spotted earlier. Putting it inside and turning it on to heat the baby's food.  
  
"You're very forth right in some one else house you don't know!!"  
  
"Yes my girls say I'm like a bull in a china shop, it doesn't matter where I am if I can help I do, it's in my nature", Joyce watched as the digital timer counted down on the microwave.  
  
"Yes Buffy thinks-" , Joyce began to stammer.  
  
"Buffy.....did you say Buffy?", he couldn't contain his amusement at the name.  
  
"Yes and what's wrong with that name, it's the name I gave her"  
  
"Um, ewh, um, well nothing I suppose"  
  
"And just what would your name be young man?", Joyce demanded from this strange man before her.  
  
"Um William, William Benson"  
  
"William, hmmm, I would have thought of something else. Something more liking with your ummmmm", lost for words Joyce couldn't think of what to say.  
  
"More like Spike?", Spike chuckled at the woman before him, "Spike to my friends."  
  
Joyce laughed at the mans' nickname, yes it seemed to fit him perfectly. The timer went of on the microwave, she took out the bottle, tested it for temperature, and deciding it was just right, she proceed to feed the baby.  
  
"And this little ones name?"  
  
"Imogen"  
  
"Imogen, what a gorgeous name. Who is she named after?"  
  
"My mother said she was the spitting image of me when she was born, I couldn't think of a name so Imogen stuck"  
  
"She didn't look like your wife?", Joyce looked around for a while, "She didn't come with you today?"  
  
"No", his scowl returned to his face. Joyce thought better than tempting fate, to find out the truth to the where about of his wife.  
  
"Oh, well in that case, umm why don't I be neighbourly and invite you over for breakfast, seeing that is one has already had hers, and I'm sure you're hungry"  
  
"Um, I don't know the movers still have to move the stuff in"  
  
"Let them move your stuff in, the girls and I volunteer to help you get your stuff in the way you like later. Come on, come and have some real food", nudging the bag full of snacks and junk food. "Real home cooking, I promise you that."  
  
"Um, I don't know"  
  
"Please come, you can meet my girls, I'm sure that they'd like to meet you and the baby!!", Joyce put the bottle down on the bench as the baby was finished, and began to rub the baby's back, until she let out a large 'burp'.  
  
"And I haven't finished holding this gorgeous one yet!!", Joyce cuddled the baby.  
  
"Okay, Okay", Spike gave into the wants of his new neighbour. Looks like he'd found himself a new babysitter, he wondered if her girls where old enough to baby-sit as well.  
  
Maybe breakfast wasn't such a bad idea after all.  
  
"Mom, Mom", Buffy yelled not finding her mother in her bed. Surely the same noise that had awoken her had gotten her mother up. Bounding down the stair case in her pyjamas and fluffy bunny slippers, she grabbed the mantle and swung herself around. She came hurtling around the staircase to find herself standing in front of her mother and her new neighbour. She found herself gob smacked and unable to find any words at being confronted by both of them only in her pyjamas, and kiddie slippers.  
  
She was absolutely horrified.  
  
She felt the scrutiny of the man in front of her as she stood before him, his quick appraisal of what she wore, and the smirk that had fallen upon his face. She quickly looked down at what she wore, promptly went a bright red and turned and ran back up the stairs.  
  
"At least you could have told us we were having company", Buffy said as she scrambled her way back to her bedroom.  
  
Spike looked at Joyce bemused at the play that had unfolded before him, between the two women, and the girl and himself. He couldn't believe someone could be so shy, or embarrassed so easily. She was dressed, but by the way she had run off you think that she had been naked.  
  
"You must forgive her, she's not the best thing in the morning", Joyce began making excuses for her daughter.  
  
"Its okay, more of a night man myself. Well since Imogen anyway", Spike replied trying to relieve some of Joyce's clear embarrassment.  
  
"Let me guess, Buffy?", Spike spoke again, lifting his eyebrow towards the roof, indicating towards the stair case, with tilt of his neck.  
  
"Umm yes, Buffy my eldest."  
  
"More children Joyce, boy or girl?", Spike looking upstairs waiting to see if anymore came bounding down the staircase like their sister, hoping that they would be a little more hospitable than the last.  
  
"Just Dawn, my youngest", Joyce took two steps up the staircase, "Dawn come down and meet the neighbour, and Buffy get dressed and get yourself down her young lady!!"  
  
Joyce indicated that Spike move into the kitchen, and to take a seat by the counter, she still held the baby within her arms, who was now sleeping, she handed Imogen back to her father after he sat down. Spike took Imogen back into his arms, rocking her slowly hoping to keep the infant sleeping as long as he could.  
  
"Hey mom, did you say the new neighbour was here??", Dawn sprouted as she can into the kitchen, her attention drawn straight to the sleeping infant, "Awh aint she cute, can I hold her?"  
  
"Dawn the baby's asleep, better not to wake her", Joyce said, attempting to stop the girl from plying the baby out of her fathers arms.  
  
Dawn moved around next to the man in the kitchen, and slowly began to touch the baby, careful not to wake her. Just looking at the small hands and feet, brushing back the tuff of hair that lay on the babies head, it was a thick dark brown, curly and so soft. She had a strong resemblance to the man in front of her, it was clear that he was her father, no question about it.  
  
"What's her name, how old is she, where did you move from, where...???", Dawn began the volley of questions towards the stranger in her kitchen like typical Dawn, 'I wanna know everything' style.  
  
"Dawn not so many questions. The poor man just moved here, let him be", Joyce's annoyance was evident towards her daughter.  
  
At that moment in time Buffy decided to make an appearance to the entrance of the kitchen. This time dressed in jeans and a black coloured jumper, her honey coloured hair severely pulled back into a pony tail. Hands in pockets and with decidedly defensive body language she moved into the kitchen beside her mother.  
  
"Spike these are my daughters Buffy and Dawn", Joyce indicated towards her daughters.  
  
"Hello, nice to meet you", Spike looked at each of the girls, instantly liking the younger and not sure of what to make of the elder.  
  
"Hey Spike welcome to Sunnydale, the hellmouth of the west", Dawn greeted the new neighbour.  
  
"Hellmouth??"  
  
"Dawn !!!", Joyce chided her child.  
  
"But mom, it is!!!!"  
  
"Dawn, go down to the basement, I think that your baby bouncers still down there somewhere. Go get it and bring it back of stairs for Imogen.", Joyce requested of her daughter.  
  
"Imogen ??", Dawn questioned her mother.  
  
"Hello Dawn, the baby, you know, the little human being in the room", Buffy pointed towards the sleeping infant.  
  
"Oh, okay, be back soon", Dawn made her way to the door leading to the basement, and disappeared behind the door.  
  
"If you'll excuse me, I think that I maybe able to find a blanket for the baby while she's asleep in the baby bouncer", Joyce stood up and moved disappearing into the hall way, leaving Buffy and Spike alone.  
  
They just stared at each other, not knowing what to say to each other, summing each other up like opponents in bout, about to come out of their corners, ready to fight. Buffy stood still and moving her weight from one foot to another, just continuing to stare at Spike. Spike just sat there and looked at her with a look of discontent on his face, like he didn't want to be there, in the kitchen with her.  
  
"So what's your story?", Buffy spoke first at last.  
  
"My story??", Spike looked quizzically at her with a tilt of his head.  
  
"Yeah your get up"  
  
"My get up??"  
  
"Well hello, the clothes, the hair, the leather jacket, I mean it is so 80's", a smirked appeared on her face, like she'd won the first round in the duel going on between them. But a smirk appeared on her opponent, and evil grin enveloped his face as he replied, to her little outburst.  
  
"It makes me feel more manly", Spike ran a hand down his arm of the jacket, that held the baby within, "What you have a problem with the coat??"  
  
"What did Billy Idol have a closet sale or something??", with that Buffy, moved towards the counter and leaned over touched the baby's head stoking her hair, and playing with her little hands.  
  
"What jealous love?" Spike replied tartly, " Did the Bag lady do your shopping for you?"  
  
He couldn't help volley her insult back, but he detected the humour in amongst whatever was making her grumpy. Spike sensed a spitfire in there somewhere, she just had to grow up some more, well maybe just a little bit. Buffy stormed out of the kitchen, her foot steps making loud 'clomps' as she moved down the hall, and walked out of the house. The slam of the door, causing the walls to vibrate and Imogen to wake up startled and begin to howl the house down.  
  
She had no idea where she was going, as she walked down the footpath of her street, she felt that maybe she'd been a little bit to harsh on her new neighbour. Maybe she should go back and apologise for being rude. But then again he was just as rude, maybe she shouldn't apologise, maybe he should first. She was quiet confused about what to do, but realised that living next door to him and his family maybe interesting indeed. But at least he wasn't as weird as Old Man Cooper had been, but Buffy wondered where his wife was, and she hadn't seemed to be around, nor had she seen anything to resemble any woman's things amongst the menagerie on the front lawn.  
  
Another thought that had entered her mind she absolutely couldn't stop thinking how gorgeous he was close up, no wonder she reacted the way she did. She'd done it to get away from him and the emotional response that he was beginning to have on her. She couldn't help but be honest with herself, she was beginning to get a crush, 'but they where only for girls Dawn's age', Buffy thought to herself.  
  
But the truth has a habit of coming out, she was getting a crush......and she didn't know what to do about it. Crushes lead to thoughts and feelings that she'd rather not experience, to her a loss of all the self control that she had gained since the incident with Riley. 'Or was this only lust', Buffy considered, he was old enough to be at least 25-27 and way out her league, who would be interested in a collage girl her age.  
  
Maybe there was no wife, maybe he was divorced, living next to Spike and co was going to be very interesting indeed, as a glimmer of hope and feelings long denied stirred in Buffy. Maybe there was hope after all....... 


	2. Crush & The Past Always Comes Back To

From Night to Day  
  
Author: Mercy  
  
Disclaimers: I own nothing they belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy; I just borrow them on occasion. If only Josh would rent them out for functions or special occasions then I would be a VERY happy little vegemite !!!!!(aussie for a very happy little girl)  
  
Thanks to my Beta Readers; Brianna for her continual encouragement, spotting my mistakes, and support from the other side of the planet!!!! And she's a great fan fic writer in her own right!  
  
Kirsty for her spotting my bad spelling and grammar despite spell check!! And putting up with my bad emails! And I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as me!! lol  
  
Also to everyone who has reviewed my story so far........  
  
Summary: Buffy is living with her mother and Dawn in Sunnydale, her next door neighbours house goes up for sale. Guess who moves in next door with a baby, all cute and gorgeous, and I mean besides the baby. But there are a few obstacles along the way, and not to mention their differences in age. Buffy is trying to deal with a dark time in her life and she looking for the strength to conquer it. He is looking for something that he thinks his lost, his trying to learn to live again, and maybe love again.  
  
But love is blind, renewing for the spirit and divine for the soul~~~ who says me Mercy me (he he)  
  
Timeline: AU all the way  
  
Warning: Some viewers may require tissues prior to reading!!!!  
  
Chapter 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~Crush~~  
  
Days had turned into weeks, since the arrival of Spike and Co. into the Sunnydale community. It certainly had created gossip for the local grapevine, and enough fodder for the busybodies in town to keep them feed for weeks. The appearance of an attractive man with no wife was enough to keep to the unmarried and married women for a fact, of all ages running to the hair and beauty salon without delay, trying to catch what appeared to be the hottest and most available guy in town.  
  
The Summer's family had become friendly with the new arrivals, Dawn became a regular visitor to the household to mind Imogen when her father was busy, and the babysitting money was good for Dawn. Joyce dropped in to make sure the single father was coping with the baby, and supplying endless dinners for him. And Buffy, she sort off just popped in to drag Dawn home when needed, or took leftovers for the neighbour to have dinner, or to invite the family to dinner.  
  
He became a regular in the Summer's household as much as the family had in his. Life was good.........for now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"They're saying what???" Spike embarrassment was showing clearly all over his face, he was so red he looked like a tomato. His annoyance at being the subject of gossip was making him so annoyed that, the steam was literally blowing out of his ears.  
  
"The woman in town think you're just a cutie!", Dawn sat in front of Spike in the Summers' lounge room, playing with Imogen, bring him up to speed with the gossip that he had been generating since his arrival into town. She was relishing in his apparent embarrassment, and just loved watching his face get redder and redder.  
  
"Oh and they also think you're a 'hottie', or so Janice's mom said.", Dawn was going to milk this one for all it was worth, she couldn't help herself, she was just enjoying herself to much. Her grin on her face was just contagious as Imogen began to gurgle to herself, and begin to attempt to grab at the toys that lay in between her and Dawn.  
  
"See even Imogen agrees with them", Dawn looked down at the baby, picking up a toy for her to play with.  
  
"Agree with what?", Buffy asked as she entered the room from the direction of the kitchen. Inquiring what the two were debating about, moving over to her sister, casting her attention towards the baby, "Hey Little One!"  
  
"Bit", Spike replied towards the two sisters.  
  
"'Bit'", Buffy turned her head up at Spike, seeing blue observant eyes that seemed at that point to be summing her up, or maybe she was just being paranoid, at that point she didn't care, as she felt those unwanted little 'crush' type feelings arise deep down in the pit of her stomach.  
  
"Imogen, her nicknames is 'Little Bit'"  
  
"Oh, um sorry", Buffy tried to move her eyes back to the baby but she couldn't, she felt caught in the embrace of the deep crystal blue stare of his gaze, as if enthralled. She felt a little silly, how could she be attracted to this man, he was way to old, he had a baby, he was her neighbour, and most importantly her mom would kill her if she ever knew about these crazy ideas and emotions that were going on in her head. But what Buffy felt most was the feeling of impending doom that accompanied these feelings, of losing herself in the abyss that she wanted to avoid at all cost.  
  
Spike couldn't help but see the wheels churn around in Buffy's head; he couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. If only she knew what was going on in his, she would run away as fast as she could, the fact that he fancied the little chit, probably would be enough to scare her off. The reality was that he was probably too old for her, he was a single parent, she was the girl next door, and her mum would probably take an axe over his head, if he even tried anything.  
  
He even questioned the validity of theses feelings as he'd only known her for such a short time, the instant attraction he felt for her was like a coin, two sided. On one side he felt this rush of attraction filled with extra helpings of lust, and on the other pure guilt for even just thinking such things about her. It was too soon, too fast for him, he felt out of control of his life, and at the moment he felt like he was hanging on by a thread.  
  
Buffy watched Spike as he seemed to be considering something with great thought, she noted the worried look in his eyes, and the hardening of his features. She couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking, what was troubling him so. She considered her own worrying thoughts and decided it was best left for later, considering that really she didn't want to really think about them in his presence, it only warped her thoughts.  
  
"Come on Dawn, Mom wants us home", Buffy looked at her sister, "Dad's due for his visit and its Pizza Night, remember??"  
  
"Oh come on Buff, we both know he ain't gonna come", the look on Dawnie's face said it all, Hank their father was due to visit, but as always he'd be AWOL. He never came, and hadn't shown up for about 2 months now; he always found an excuse not to visit his daughters.  
  
"Your dad coming to see you both?" Spike asked of his visitors.  
  
"Yeah Dad's due any minute." Buffy replied for her sister that had began to sulk at the thought of having to leave, "You know he's due Dawn, so come on, we'd better head home."  
  
"Say 'bye bye Spike' Dawn", Buffy glared at her sister, "and 'bye bye Imogen'."  
  
"Okay, okay", Dawn looked between the two, "Bye Spike, thanks for letting my play with Imogen"  
  
"Bye Imogen", Dawn smoothed down the baby's hair as a farewell.  
  
With great reluctance Dawn got off the floor and moved in the direction of her sister, and out of the house. Both made their way across the lawn, back to the Summer's house, Dawn striding a little quicker than her sister, as if to avoid her.  
  
"Hey Dawnie, wait up!" Buffy called to her sibling in an attempt to slow her down, she could feel the tension coming off her sister like waves, Dawn slowed down a little but did she didn't stop. Buffy quickened her pace to catch up with her sister, she put her hand on her to halt any further progression.  
  
"What now!!" Dawn stopped in her tracks and turned to her sister, her face saying it all. She was rightly pissed off with her.  
  
"What's your problem Dawn, we both know its Dads night to come and visit us", Buffy looked at her sister with distain, and she was becoming more difficult to talk with than ever.  
  
"Come one Buffy, we both know that he isn't going to come, he never does. And...and.."  
  
"And what?"  
  
"Spike", Dawn looked away from her sister, she refused to look her in the eyes, as she crossed her arms in a defensive manner.  
  
"And what about Spike?", Buffy inquired.  
  
"He's making Cow Eyes at you again"  
  
"Ewwwwwww, no he was not!" Buffy looked at her sister like she had two heads.  
  
"Yes he was and so were you!!"  
  
"We were not, we.........", Buffy's voice died before she could finish her speech, because she knew it was true, as much as she wanted to deny it, it was true.  
  
"He looks at you and you turn away, you never look back at him. Then when you think he's not looking, you turn all lovey dovey on him. I've seen you!!!!" Dawn accused her sister, with bulging eyes and a terse voice.  
  
"No Dawn I don't, really I don't", Buffy's lie fell from her lips and onto deaf ears; Dawn wasn't going to believe it for one minute.  
  
"Come on Buffy we both know the truth.", Dawn looked into her sisters eyes at last with a smile on his lips, "His a hottie, what girl with warm blood wouldn't feel attracted to him, you'd have to have no pulse not too."  
  
Dawnie's quick change in attitude gave Buffy ideas to why her sister was giving her the cold shoulder. '~OMG she's got a crush on him~' Buffy thought to herself, it was obvious now, how could she be so blind, '~not only did she have a crush she was jealous of me~'.  
  
"You've got a crush on him", Buffy couldn't help but have a little giggle, making Dawn start her quick march back home, "Dawn I'm only kidding, come on!!"  
  
Dawn ignored her sister, her face a crimson shade of red. Buffy knew that she had some major making up to do. Some real serious making up to do. At least they now had something in common with each other, even if it was crazy, illogical and just down right strange.  
  
Buffy entered their home just slightly behind Dawn, and began making her way up the stair, when her mother stopped her. She heard a door slam upstairs, she could only guess was her sisters.  
  
"Buffy, I think your sisters going to need a shoulder to cry on again!"  
  
"Let me guess Dad?"  
  
"Yes Sweetie, he cancelled again about 10 minutes ago, business he said", Joyce tried to as always soften the blow with a white lie or another. Buffy knew deep down that it wasn't business, probably some young girl her age or near enough that had his attention. She looked at her mom, just nodded her head and made her way further up the stairs to make her way into Dawn's room.  
  
"Dawn ?" Buffy stood outside her sisters room knocking gently on the door, and opening it slowly peering in. Dawn was slumped on her bed the tears whelming in her eyes.  
  
"Why do we even bother with him anymore Buffy?"  
  
Buffy made her way over to her sister, enveloping her in a big hug, giving her some comfort, "I don't know Dawn, he's our Dad no matter what, and we can only hope that one day he'll be our Dad again.", but deep down Buffy knew that their father was losing interest with his daughters, and that hurt her deep down as well. But she had to hope for her sister that this wasn't true, that maybe their father would realise just what damage he was doing to them before it became a permeant scar. And the girls wouldn't want to do anything with him either.  
  
"Hey why don't I call Willow and the gang, see if they wanna go to the movies, and we'll have a real pizza night with them, and if you behave maybe go to the Bronze after?"  
  
Buffy hoped that this would appease Dawn's ambivalence towards their father, and give her something to do instead of sitting in her room upset. It would also give her an excuse not to stay at home and mope around with her. Dawn raised her head and looked at her sister; she simply nodded her head in agreement, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill.  
  
Buffy left her then, to make the arrangements with their friends to meet later and hope that their mother would agree to allow them to go out together. Luckily enough Joyce was in agreement with her daughter to take Dawnie out as a 'treat', and not that this would be habit forming each week because their father was getting 'slack'.  
  
Luckily Willow, Xander, Cordy and Tara had yet to finalise their plans and where happy to meet with the Summer girls as Buffy planned. She thanked her lucky stars that she had friends that accepted her little sister as part of the crew. Not many people their age would want to be caught dead socialising with a high school kid, so Buffy thanked her lucky stars that she knew such fine people, and was glad to call them her friends.  
  
She went back upstairs told her sister to get ready, that they would meet the gang in half an hour. This was a night both of them needed to get out of the house. Buffy could help but wonder that she had two good reasons to want to get out for a while, one being her father, and the other the hurdy gurdy feelings she was having about Spike. She needed a night out away from everything, a night just to get away, she needed some time not just to think about it, she needed...she just didn't know what she needed.  
  
She went to her own room to get ready for their night on the town and it hit her what she needed and why she was going out.  
  
To escape.  
  
Chapter 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~The Past Always Comes Back to Haunt Us~~  
  
A few days later Spike sat in his kitchen feeding Imogen her lunch, something that resembled strained peas and carrots that looked rather lumpy, stringy and smelt absolutely ghastly. She sat in her highchair looking rather indianite at any suggestion that she eat what was put in front of her, even as her father attempted the old favourite...  
  
"Look Imogen here comes the train....choo... choo!!!", Spike pushed the spoon towards his daughter, her little hand sprung out pushing it away from her face, resulting in the concoction ending up all over her father, running down his face, and splattering onto his clothes.  
  
Spike in defeat put the baby spoon down, moved to the sink to clean the goo off his face, and attempted to clean it off his clothes before it stained. Behind him he heard a crash, turning quickly he watched on in horror as Imogen pushed the bowl that held her lunch onto the floor. Forming her own masterpiece upon the tiles, a look of horror on her fathers' face, and a little smile (some would say a smirk) with a gurgle of joy from the baby girl, upon creating such a mess.  
  
"Oh bugger!!!!"  
  
Imogen 1  
  
Spike 0  
  
Spike thought as he shook his head at the chaos that lay on the floor, the little monster of his daughter, and trying at the same time to remember where he had left the mop. He looked at the state of his blue suite and wondered 'what on earth he was going to do now'; he had an interview in half an hour and tried to contemplate how he was going to get there in time. Just what he needed today, to be late for a job he desperately wanted and needed.  
  
Imogen continued to create havoc with her appearance as she played with the food that had been caught in the tray of her high chair, looking rather pleased with herself, escaping a meal she clearly didn't want. She gurgled and banged her hands on the tray before her, looking at her father in bemusement with an 'ain't I cute' look.  
  
Voices from outside caught his attention away from his daughter and the entertaining time she was having with her food. He caught a glimpse of the Summers' family leaving the house from the back door, heading for the Jeep parked in the backyard, quickly making a split decision, he ran for the back door and onto his patio.  
  
"Joyce, Buffy, Dawn!!!" he yelled towards the family, "Wait please!!!"  
  
All three heads whipped around to the intrusion that startled them all, Joyce being the first to respond, thinking the worst she dropped her briefcase and dashed over towards the younger man.  
  
"Spike, what's wrong?? Is it the baby?? Has she hurt herself??" Joyce shouted as she pushed Spike aside, scuttled into the kitchen, looking at the sight before her, she broke into a fit of laughter, reducing her to tears.  
  
Buffy and Dawn had followed in pursuit of their mother, pursuing her into the kitchen, catching the vision of Imogen covered in a greeny goo all over her face, hair, clothes and not to mention anything else that lay in the vicinity. The grins that came to both of their faces, broke into larger smiles as they both attempted not to brake out into the laughter that possessed their mother. But it was contagious, soon all the women joined each other in deep howls of laughter, as the accompanying tears began to stream as they laughed so hard. All three sets of eyes moving from Imogen to Spike and the mess both of them were in, it was a sight to behold.  
  
"So the emergency is the massacred green goo on the floor hey, or the fashion statement that your making now!!!", Buffy just couldn't help herself with the barb.  
  
"Ummmm Spike love the look, very Nuevo Reich, very now", Dawn added to her sister's little comment on his state of dress.  
  
"Yes Spike that green goes very well with the blue suite, rather striking I'd say", Joyce joined in on the fun her girls where having at his expense.  
  
"Okay people, you've had your fun!!" Spike look at the women in horror as they laughed at his predicament, "Please enough already!!"  
  
"So Spike what can we do for you that seem so urgent???" Joyce asked the young man before her in between laughs, "Maybe call 911 for the Fashion Police"  
  
"Ha ha, very funny!! But can we please get serious here?", Spike pleaded with all of them for some sanity to return to the room.  
  
"Ok, ok, Spike what's the problem?" Buffy had settled down somewhat enough to ask the question.  
  
"Look, I have a job interview in half an hour and I obviously cannot go like this!!" Spike pointed towards himself and the goo that clung to his suite.  
  
"But I think you look rather handsome like that, goo and all!!", Buffy just couldn't help herself.  
  
"Well Miss Summers you may find it attractive but I doubt my maybe employers will!!", Spike was beginning to get very annoyed at the trio, he was losing his sense of humour very quickly.  
  
"And your problem is...???", Buffy responded to his somewhat now hostile attitude towards the Summer women.  
  
"Well could one of you please look after Imogen while I change my suite and try to clean up this mess", Spike pleaded with the women, gesturing with his hands towards Imogen and himself.  
  
"What, no way mister!!!" Buffy looked at him with a look of horror on her face towards one very messy infant. The thought of how one of them was even going to pick up the baby without getting the green goo on them boggled her mind. She and Dawn began to simultaneously began to back away from the chaos, and move towards the back door to avoid the duty being asked of them. Spike turned his attention to Joyce as he watched the girls move backwards, the obvious pleading with her maternal instincts to help, was written all over his face.  
  
"Buffy", Joyce uttered the single word that halted her eldest desperate exit from the kitchen.  
  
Buffy froze on the spot, she turned looking at her mother, with a large pout spoiling her face, "But Mom !!!!"  
  
"No buts young lady I think that this is a job just for you!!"  
  
Joyce turned to her daughter, her back to Spike with a pleading look on her own face, "Sweetie I don't have time for this, and Dawnie's going to be late for class. You don't start class for another 2 hours surely that is enough time young lady, and it's the neighbourly thing to do."  
  
"But, but!!!", Buffy began to plead with her mother, but to no avail as both Dawn and Joyce left the kitchen by the back door. Closing off any means of escape from this little chore assigned to her, slamming the door in their wake.  
  
Buffy returned her attention to the man before her, "I'm hope your happy now!!!", Buffy made her way towards Imogen and the mess that occupied most of her little body and features, with a look of '~ewwwwwwwwww~' on her face. This was a job she most definitely didn't want to do.  
  
"Don't be like that Sweet Heart, I appreciate your help and I'll be forever in your debt!", Spike cockily replied, he softly began to chuckle at her predicament, " Thanks Buff !! I really mean it, I owe you big time! I'll help in your next apocalypse, I promise!!"  
  
With that he left the kitchen and Imogen in her good hands, hoping that maybe while she was at it, she might clean up the mess, and the chaos demon that had created it. Making his way into the master bedroom he removed his suit surveying the damage. It was a complete write off for the interview, even his shirt was ruined, and not to mention his tie. He looked at his tie with sad feelings it had been the one that his wife had given him on his first day of his last job, it was meant to bring him luck. He wondered if it was salvageable from the green goo, it was a vestige of his past, even if it was just a silly tie. Remembering the past only brought on thoughts of the present, and in particular the young woman that was beneath him downstairs tending to his daughter.  
  
Buffy.  
  
He was so confused in his attraction to her, it had slammed itself into him the moment she walked into the kitchen this morning, leaving him dazed and bewildered. He knew that it was foolish and down right insane for him to have these feelings, whatever they where, he shouldn't be having them. For gods sake she was a collage girl, what would someone her age want with him an old man by her standards, and she probably had a boyfriend anyway, someone her own age. He thought to himself as he moved to the wardrobe and removed a new suite to replace the one he had on.  
  
As he lay his new suit on his bed, his eyes caught the photo of his wife that lay on the sideboard, surrounded in a crystal frame, it was a wedding day picture of them both. He moved towards it as drawn by her presence to it, he traced her face with his finger, a single tear slide down his face. He wiped it away with his hand, brushing his finger slightly against his mouth too tasted his own tears, a wave of overwhelming desolation swept over him and engulfed him in a single heart beat.  
  
Spike slide to the floor as the sobs over took his whole body, with his back to his bed he placed his hands over his face as to block out the reality that engulfed him in the empty bedroom. The tears began to flow from his eyes like a salty river threatening to drown him, he began shaking with the weight of his grief in his soul. He began to rock with the burden of guilt that enveloped him over his feelings of want and desire he felt towards Buffy. It just compounded the feelings of loss he felt for his wife, as it hung around his neck like a vice ready to strangle him. His mind whirled around with thoughts of grief over the woman he loved, and the guilt of feeling something over a woman he didn't even know, the contradiction was just too much for him.....he surrendered to the abyss. The darkness was too enticing to ignore, if it meant release from the pain he felt, than he would embrace it. He let go and wept until he could no more..........  
  
Down stairs Buffy had managed to clean Imogen up from the mess she made as best she could, she gazed at the baby and decided that she need a proper clean upstairs in the bathroom, a change of clothes, and by the smell of things a new nappy. She picked up Imogen, and made her way upstairs hunting down the bathroom in which she sponged the baby, cleaning her face, hands and hair. The baby's room was obvious with its yellow walls and animal print borders, and the lettering spelling out "Imogen's Room', was a dead give away.  
  
Buffy laid Imogen on her change table removing the offending nappy, and its contents into the nappy bin she found in the nursery. She had some trouble deciding what to do next, as she scanned the various pots of cream on the change table, not sure which one to put on the baby. Deciding that the one with the cute giraffe one with the happy baby smiling from its label would do, she applied the cream, and finished the task with a new nappy. But found that she was having some trouble on which way was the front, and what the back was.  
  
"Your Daddy owes me big time little lady!!" Buffy chuckled as she completed the nappy change, she was quite pleased with her results considering this was her first foray into changing a baby.  
  
"Okay, what's next?? A new outfit for Miss Future Junior Prom Queen, I think.", Buffy began looking in the draws near the cot, looking for an outfit for Imogen, with the baby slung on her hip. As she pondered her selection she froze...  
  
She heard a quiet 'thunk' of something hitting the floor in a nearby bedroom, and followed quietly with haunting sobs, that filled her heart with despair. She knew that they could be only coming from one person.  
  
William  
  
Buffy quickly and as quietly as possible finished dressing the baby, she placed Imogen in her cot with as many toys as she could hastily find. Standing in front of the cot she was in too minds, '~do I go to him or just mind my own business~', her mind was made up for her as the sobs became louder and more distressed.  
  
She went to him.  
  
Moving along the main corridor as quietly as she could she stood outside the master bedroom door, placing her hand upon it she could feel the pain and anguish of the person inside resinate from within. With great hesitancy she opened the door to find Spike slumped over himself, with his hands in his face crying his heart out, rocking forwards and backwards with what she suspected was grief. Buffy slowly stepped into the room making her way towards him, as she got closer she spotted the crystal frame and the picture within laying on the bed.  
  
It was a picture of a Spike in a morning suit, with a beautiful brunette in a bridal gown; it screamed 'Our Wedding Day' to Buffy.  
  
"William", Buffy whispered to Spike so softly you almost couldn't hear it.  
  
Spike didn't respond, he just continued with his sobbing, he was so locked in whatever was happening to him he didn't hear her. Buffy was so overwhelmed with sadness to see him like this, it rocked her very soul, and whatever was causing this was just tearing him apart. She stood there for a few seconds unsure what to do, finally she moved closer to him, sat down in front of him, and just grabbed onto him, encircling him in her embrace, giving him an anchor. She began moving with him, backwards and forwards, smoothing his hair, repeating over and over 'it will be ok, you'll see".  
  
As Buffy continued to comfort Spike it finally hit her, why she or no one else had seen his wife, she suspected that she must be dead. With that single thought Buffy shuddered at the thought of the pain that Spike must be feeling. The loneliness, desolation and the difficulties it must be to bring up their child without her.  
  
"Spike please talk to me!", Buffy pleaded with him in a soothing voice, trying to break whatever had hold on him, "Please William!!"  
  
Slowly the rocking stopped, the sobbing slowed, but the tears continued to flow slowly and quietly down his cheeks. He still had his hands over his eyes and face, as not wanting to look into the eyes of the person who had witness this showing of despair, and deep sorrow. Buffy leaned back slightly, letting her embrace loosen a little bit so she could look at Spike, up close she could only guess his emotions at this stage, her heart was breaking for him, she wanted to alleviate some of the burden he carried, but she didn't know how. She decided to make a tough call; she hoped that it would open him up to her, maybe, even if only a little bit.  
  
"What happened to her Spike?", Buffy asked Spike as gently and softly as she could, she continued to smooth his hair in a sign of reassurance, and comfort. Finally he lifted his head from his hands, his eyes all puffy from the pouring of his tears, and his face devoid of any emotion, yet the remains of tears where still present on his cheeks. Buffy couldn't help herself as she wiped them away, her hand brushing them into oblivion.  
  
"She's dead", Spike finally spoke with a gravely voice full of roughness, as is passing over sandpaper as it left his throat, "She died in a car accident over six months ago, and I couldn't save her, I couldn't get to her, I couldn't save her, I....."  
  
He became speechless, lost in his own thoughts of guilt and loss. Spike look directly at Buffy searching her face with his eyes, looking at her so profoundly as if trying to find something there, maybe revulsion, pity, fear or even forgiveness.  
  
"We were hit by a drunk, I couldn't swerve..I didn't see him coming....I couldn't get to her...I was trapped in the car.....I couldn't reach her.....I couldn't save her....The baby....The baby came at the accident scene...", Spike began to stumble with his words, his breathing becoming laboured with each breathe and word he spoke, "The blood, so much blood, blood every....ssshhhheee bleed to death....they couldn't stop the bleeding...I couldn't save her...."  
  
'Oh Spike I'm so sorry", Buffy gently spoke to him, pulling him into an embrace to give him the strength that he needed, and that she could offer him. He pulled his arms around her back grateful for the human warmth that she offered to him, he pulled as closely as he could, wanting as if to feel her gift to him.  
  
"I dream of her every night", Spike whispered into Buffy's ear.  
  
"But every night I save her"  
  
Spike couldn't believe these overwhelming feelings he had for the young woman, he was elated that he was feeling something at all, and even if it was lust, it was something. But he had to be careful with these new feelings, she was just a collage girl, and he was a man with responsibilities, who was he to act on his feelings for her. He felt so lost then, he realised that he had felt something again, and he knew that he couldn't do anything about them. In his mind, he crawled back to the dark place in his subconscious, and stayed there, the light that seemed to burn so bright in his eyes, faded into nothingness as he continued to stare at Buffy.  
  
He couldn't believe his own contradictions, one minute sobbing with grief over his wife, and then lusting after the one before him. He couldn't but think to himself, 'I must be insane, what in hells name am I thinking', he felt even more ashamed and grieved by this admission. He abruptly removed her arms from around her and moved into the en-suite shutting the door behind him......effectively shutting her out.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N~~ I really hope that you liked these chapters, please review and let me know!! It feeds the machine, that is my mind!!!  
  
I'm sorry it took so long to update but RL has a lot to answer for!!!!!! 


	3. Crash and Burn & Shadows In The Sun

From Night to Day  
  
Author: Mercy  
  
Disclaimers: I own nothing they belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy; I just borrow them on occasion. If only Josh would rent them out for functions or special occasions then I would be a VERY happy little vegemite !!!!!(aussie for a very happy little girl)  
  
Thanks to my Beta Readers;  
  
Kirsty for her spotting my repeated one word spelling mistakes, bad grammar and her continual beta reading for me!!! And her encouragement to keep writing this epic... which has become larger than life!!  
  
Darcy for doing a fab job, spotting my mistakes, and seeing that I hand in such rough article to my beta's...your comments and suggestions are invaluable!!  
  
Summary: Buffy is living with her mother and Dawn in Sunnydale, her next door neighbours house goes up for sale. Guess who moves in next door with a baby, all cute and gorgeous, and I mean besides the baby. But there are a few obstacles along the way, and not to mention their differences in age. Buffy is trying to deal with a dark time in her life and she looking for the strength to conquer it. He is looking for something that he thinks his lost, his trying to learn to live again, and maybe love again.  
  
But love is blind, renewing for the spirit and divine for the soul~~~ who says me Mercy me (he he)  
  
Chapter Five ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~Crash and Burn~~  
  
It had been three weeks since the incident with Spike, and Buffy had yet to see him in all that time. He never said "hello" any more, he didn't even answer the door if she went to the house, he ignored her banging and her pleading him too at least let her know he was okay. The incident had answered a lot of questions Buffy had about Imogen's mom, but it had erupted to even more unanswered questions about him, and strangely enough even more about her. Where did the Summers' family fit, where did she fit, and where did he fit into the jigsaw, that had become her life? And why in the hell where there still missing pieces?  
  
She thought about all the tension in his life; losing his wife, his self blame in an impossible situation, being a single parent, and yet something else loomed under the surface, something that she couldn't put her finger on. Great conflict swirled within him, its origins where certainly unclear, and their potential outcomes unpredictable. Just where this was leading she was unsure of, but one thing was clear, he needed people around him at the moment, whether he liked it or not.  
  
He would speak to her mother and Dawn but not her, and that hurt. The fact that she knew, that she was beginning to have feelings for him was irrelevant. The fact that she felt ignored was the worst feeling that you could give to anyone else, intentionally or not. The avoidance was just as bad, in some ways even worse, he seemed to leave before she even got up, and was never home before dusk. He would come home and soon after send Dawn on her way, with a fist full of cash for babysitting Imogen. She had tried the old, 'I'll catch you letting Dawn out', but the look he had on his face said it all.  
  
Leave me alone!!!  
  
Buffy was stumped over why he was treating her this way, and she had refused to tell anyone about what he'd said to her that day in his bedroom. But it was ridiculous. How long could he keep it up? They had to come to stumble upon each other eventually, '~and how awkward was that going to be? ~'.  
  
But life had to move forward even if he didn't.......  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Life resumed its normal patterns over the next few weeks, and Buffy had given up at trying making sure everything was alright next door. The events still worried her, as she made her way around her college classes, sometimes even interfering with her concentration, which on more than one occasion had her being caught out 'lost in space' by her teachers. Her friends began to wonder what was worrying the girl, that it interfered with her studies so much, she hadn't been like this for over a year, and they feared that she was reverting back to unwanted behaviours.  
  
"So Buffy what's the deal, I mean..... You've been real quiet lately?" Willow asked of Buffy, as the friends sat on the greens of the college's gardens, having lunch waiting for the others to arrive.  
  
"What do you mean Will?"  
  
"Well you've been, you know, all 'Miss Quiet' and 'Miss Universy' the last couple of weeks."  
  
"'Miss Universy', that's a new one even for you." Buffy laughed at Willows attempts to describe her over the last couple of weeks.  
  
"Um I mean...well I kinda mean...um...you know you've been kinda 'out there' in class, like you're in another universe or something.", Willow began to stumble on her words, "An alternate universe if you like, and you haven't been paying much attention in class sometimes. So what gives?"  
  
Buffy was silent for awhile contemplating whether she should tell her what had been plaguing her mind, and maybe it might make things easier for her if she did. Maybe she should lay her cards on the table and show her hand. Willow was a good friend and had always been there, when she really had needed her.  
  
"Okay let's say hypothetically, that I have a crush on a man and he's ignoring me for something that he told me in confidence, okay. And I don't know what to do about it?"  
  
"Hypothetically you say, or do you mean for real, because if its for real then that would be okay you know. Especially after last year, they would be good feelings, even if the guy was ignoring you. And ohhhhh gossip, what did he tell you that makes him all the 'I can't face her' type?"  
  
"Will, this is all hypothetical you know!" Buffy became very self conscience not being to be able to look at her in the eye.  
  
"What's hypothetical??" A male voice came from behind the girls, they turned to see both Tara and Xander a few feet behind them, looking quite interested in their conversation.  
  
"Buffy has a hypothetical man in her life, whose ignoring her", Willow burst forth the little details, being unable to keep a secret from her friends. Since the incident last year that had caused so much bleakness in her life, she was happy that at last someone had caught Buffy's eye and was starting to break down the walls.  
  
"Wow Buff, that's just great! Does this hypothetical man have a name?" Xander asked of his friend, plonking his backside next to her.  
  
"Buffy?" Tara asked her in her soft voice, not really wanting to push the issue, but being more sensitive to the other girls' needs.  
  
"Yeah, its Mr Gordo who else?", Buffy was just a little irate at Willow at that point, but the 'cat was out of the bag now', and she felt the redness begin to creep into her face.  
  
"Since when did Mr Gordo inspire such creative colours in your face Buffy, come on, spill!" Xander wanted to know all.  
  
"Well mayyybe Buffy doesn't want to. Do you Buffy?" Tara tried to stand up for her. "It's her decision if, and when she wants to tell us."  
  
All three set of eyes focused on her, looking at her in hope that she would say or indicate something to them that she had indeed moved on. Buffy felt like a corpse in a morgue being made ready for an autopsy, all sliced and diced ready to be examined. She knew that they meant well, and they were all concerned for her, but ...and there was always a 'but'. It was that 'but' that made the words stick in her throat, she couldn't explain why she felt a hesitation; maybe it was self survival, and she didn't want to put anyone's hopes up.  
  
"Ummmmm...I don't know what to say? I don't know if I can!"  
  
The look of hurt screamed off Xander in silence, he didn't have to say anything; his hurt was plastered all over his face. He'd always been a little sensitive where Buffy had been concerned; he treated her like family, especially since his own hadn't really given a damn about him. His friends had become his family, in fact she'd kinda of become the honorary sister he never had, since he knew that she'd never see him any other way, except in a brotherly fashion.  
  
"So you can tell Willow. But not us, is that what you're saying?"  
  
"Look I don't know what I can say, or not say......" Buffy was beginning to go as white as a ghost. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, but she just didn't want to gush everything out of her system, at this point in time. Xander reacted by getting up and brushing off his pants from the grass.  
  
"Look Xan, it's just probably a girl thing at the moment", Willow was trying to calm the man down, and yet at the same time come to the defence of her friend.  
  
"So... secret women's business?" Xander quickly retreated back, the one thing he didn't need was a 'Crabby Buffy', as she was likely to turn into 'Cave-Buffy', and hit him over the head with her bag, if he wasn't careful.  
  
"Looks like its no more 'hypothetical guy' discussion." Willow just grinned towards her friends.  
  
"Right no more discussion!" Xander conferred with Willow, looking at Buffy's embarrassed facial expressions.  
  
"So what are we going to do after class today?" Tara asked the group, trying to deflect the subject away from Buffy, and refocus the group on more pleasant conversation.  
  
"I have a huge assignment to write that's due in tomorrow, so count me out. And I think I promised Anya I'd be home early for a change?" Xander replied.  
  
"Xander please tell me that it isn't your Modern English essay that's due!!!" Willow looked shocked that he hadn't done it.  
  
"And."  
  
"And that's a 10,000 word assignment and you haven't written it! How on earth are you going to finish it before tomorrow?" Shock was written all over her face.  
  
"I will, I will. Doesn't the Xan Man always get the job done?"  
  
"Yeah Xander, just don't ring me at 4.30 in the morning like you did last time, because you've got writers block!!" Buffy commented on his lack of doing assignments on time, and ringing her at awful times of the night in need of help.  
  
"Me either!" Tara added, she didn't need the interruption either.  
  
"But Tara I never ring you?"  
  
"No you ring Willow and wake me up, remember the phones on my side of the bed."  
  
"Don't worry sweetie, we'll disconnect the phone when we get home, ok!" Willow said putting her hand into Tara's reassuringly, "And turn off all the cell phones too!"  
  
"Hey what, no 'Phone a Friend' options! Please people don't desert me!!!" Xander pleaded.  
  
"Sorry Xander, you're on your own! And speaking of studying, I better get to the library, I have a big paper to write, and so little time." Buffy got up and began to brush her skirt, "Anyone coming?"  
  
"Me," Tara said as she moved off the grass, "See you later Xander. Will see you at home, ok?"  
  
"Bye", a chorus followed the two girls as they moved off towards the library on campus.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey Dad", Spike addressed his father in the dark corner of the library repository, as always his father had his head stuck in some book or another, "What's it this time, Keats or Yates?"  
  
"Hmmm yes, what did you say son?" Spikes father addressed his son, never taking his eyes of the book.  
  
"Dad !!"  
  
"Umm, sorry!! How are you William?"  
  
"Okay I suppose."  
  
"And Imogen, hows my little grand daughter?" he finally took his eyes of the book and looked at his son, "And pray tell when are you going to bring her to see her Grandfather?"  
  
"She's good Dad, teething, but good?"  
  
"Good to hear it", putting the book back into its place on the shelf, "But you never answered my question. When are you going to bring her to see me? I have yet to see your own home, yet you've been in Sunnydale how long now?"  
  
"Okay, okay Dad point made, we'll come over on the weekend." Spike offered to appease his father, "Hope you can put up with Imogen crying and howling!!!"  
  
"I think I could put up with a few tears from the little angel, and that's not going to get you out of visiting young man!"  
  
"Yeah okay, okay!"  
  
"Have you heard from your mother yet?" the Professor asked his son.  
  
"Last week, she's having a coronary about me moving over here, taking her granddaughter away from her. Reckons that she has no female role models, for her to mould herself on."  
  
"Hmm your mother would say that," he stated shaking his head from side to side. "I think that you could find a better role model for your daughter, than your mother!!"  
  
"Dad! Just because you two aren't married anymore, doesn't mean that you cannot get on with each other!"  
  
"Well that remains to be seen! If your mother could just warm up, from the icicle that she is! Maybe even just to room temperature!"  
  
"Dad! Please!"  
  
"Alright, alright. I'm sorry, I take it back. But I still think that you could find a better female influence in Imogen's life, than your mother." Spike's father looked sharply at his son, "Speaking of which, I know that it's only been awhile since she died, but...."  
  
"But what??"  
  
"I mean, well...."  
  
"Well, what Dad?"  
  
"Well, have you met any young suitable ladies?"  
  
"You mean 'Am I moving on with my life?', is that what you mean Dad?" Spike turned his eyes away from his father, unable to make eye contact at him, the look in his sons' eyes gave it all away.  
  
"You have, haven't you!" the Professor's smile beamed from cheek to cheek. He'd liked his daughter-in-law, but his son had to move on with his life, and build his family again. The hope that he'd found someone was just what he needed to hear, "Where did you meet her? What does she do? How old is she? What......"  
  
"Dad please, it's not that simple, I...we...she..." Spike interrupted his father.  
  
"Well that's just what I hoped, that you would move on, get on with your life. I know you loved your wife, but life goes on with the living."  
  
"Dad it's complicated."  
  
"How? How could it be complicated?"  
  
With some reluctance Spike filled him in on his ambiguous feelings for a particular young lady, leaving out certain details like her age and occupation, because he knew his father would plainly object. So he told a few white lies, to make it look not so bad and get his father off his back. It was bad enough his mother was trying to get him back to England, a place he never wanted to return too, because of the memories it held for him. One parent nagging him was enough.  
  
His father absorbed all that his son was willing to tell him, but he knew that William was not telling the whole truth about the young lady. At least his son was beginning to move away from his deep sorrow, and hopefully would rejoin them in the light of day, out of his night of pain and torment.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Professor Giles are you there?" A quiet female voice inquired behind the stack that the two men stood in front of.  
  
"Yes Tara I'm in Y section, next aisle."  
  
Spike watched as a pretty student move towards his father, with a pile of books in her arms, which threatened to spill at any minute. Putting them down on a nearby table, she finally turned to face the two men in front of her, looking at them, one couldn't help but feel the tension in the air; she could feel the vibrations crash over her.  
  
"I'm sorry Professor, but if I'm interrupting?"  
  
"No Tara, what can I help you with?"  
  
"I need to find that text you where talking about in class Monday." Tara asked.  
  
"Really, no ones ever even looked at it, even though I've talked about..." the Professor was interrupted again, as another person scuttled around the opposite corner that Tara had approached, right into the path of his son, crashing into each other.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Spike!"  
  
The look of shock recognition was blatantly over both individuals' faces, Buffy's mouth hung in mid air and Spikes' face tightened in apprehension, his face reddened as if caught out. And he was caught out...by his father. As soon as his father saw his son's reaction to the young woman, things clicked into place.  
  
Both Tara and the Professor helped the two from the floor, and to their feet. Spike's father was astonished at his sons' lack of honesty, and hurt at the realisation that he couldn't tell him the truth. Tara was looking a little lost at the man with her professor, reaction to her friend, leaving her intrigued and bemused. It didn't take Tara long to figure it out.  
  
"Buffy are you alright?" Tara asked her, once she was back safely on her feet.  
  
"Um yeah, excuse me." Turning to Spike, all she could say was, "Sorry."  
  
The look of hurt was written all over her face, the unexpected meeting had caught her off guard, and she felt out of place, not sure what to say to him. The fact that he had been ignoring her had caused her nothing but grief. He'd told her something so profound that day in his house, then to only block her out had shown what little regard, she thought he had for her. With that Buffy quickly turned and ran.  
  
"William, I think that you have some explaining to do young man!"  
  
"Not now Dad!"  
  
Spike turned, moving in the direction that Buffy had taken out of the library, following her as quickly as he could. He had felt like the total wanker that he was, he'd been avoiding the inevitable for too long, and it now had blown up in his face. He thought to himself '~my life happens on occasions like this, to suck beyond the telling of it~'. It was time to face the consequences of his actions, and pray that at least she would forgive him, because he couldn't forgive himself.  
  
Seeing her run out the front doors of the library, he quickly pursued her across the lawns and into one of the many buildings of the University. He lost her as soon as she ran into one of the buildings, standing in the foyer he looked around, hoping she would be hiding in one of the corners off the room.  
  
"Hey, she ran that way!" One of the male students pointed towards the stair case.  
  
Nodding his head in thanks, he ascended the staircase like a bat out of hell, taking the stairs two by two, dodging people in the staircase, nearly toppling a few as he went. At the top of the stairs, all he could see was a swarm of occupants chatting and hovering in the corridors. And what seemed one hundred and one doors, the thought of having to look in everyone just made him shudder.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught site of her flying down the corridor, making a sharp left, in an attempt to foil his plan of catching up with her. Picking up his feet, he quickly ran down in pursuit of his quarry, and caught up quickly with her. Grasping her arm, he turned her around and halted her further progression down the corridor.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy refused to turn around and face her capture, bowing down her head, preferring to look at the ground, rather than him. She tightened her hold on her bag, until her hands turned white with the pressure of her grip. Spike turned to place himself in front of her, lifting his hand to grasp her chin in his hand.  
  
"Buffy, please. I'm so sorry."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For everything!"  
  
"Not good enough!" with that she finally turned to look at him, the anger that had replaced the shock of running into him at the library, hardened her face. She attempted to remove the hand that held her face with her own, but he refused to let his grip go.  
  
"Please take your hands off me!!!"  
  
But he still wouldn't let her out of his grasp, so she did the only thing that she could think of. She lifted her foot off the floor, aimed, and struck with great force.  
  
"Ouuuuuccccccchhhh!" Spike relinquished his hold on her, as his hand went down to his shin that she'd whacked with her heeled boot, "Bloody Sodding Hell!"  
  
The smile of satisfaction that was on Buffy's face was absolutely priceless, "I asked you nicely, mister!"  
  
With that retort, Buffy turned and continued down the corridor swaggering her way down, with a conquering sway in her gait. Not to be left behind, Spike hobbled in the wake of her departure, and not wanting her to have the last word, he went in for the kill.  
  
"Buffy, wait please, we have to talk!"  
  
Buffy turned to see him in great pain, and discomfort from her attack, with her guilt getting the better part of her, she stopped and waited for him to catch up. She had also noted that the students around them had also stopped, to watch the impromptu show that had started before them, and that they were enjoying the front row seats.  
  
"We have nothing to talk about."  
  
"Yes we do Buffy, we have a lot to talk about, and I have a lot of grovelling to do!"  
  
"Well I don't want to hear it!"  
  
"Well your gonna hear it, whether you like it or not."  
  
"What your reasons for ignoring me, not speaking to me, not answering you door, and treating me with contempt every time you see me! No way am I going to put up with that! I don't care what your reasons are, they aren't good enough, and you have no excuse to treat me that way...." Buffy's voice became louder and louder.  
  
She was about to continue her folly with insults, when he did something that she didn't expect him to ever do....he took two steps in front of her, grabbed her by her waist and slammed her into his body.  
  
"Maybe this will shut you up!"  
  
Spike placed one hand in her hair, and moved his head down upon hers, brushing his lips along her own, gently at first, tasting her ever so gently, brushing his lips by the side of her own, so close that sometimes they barely touched. Buffy was just stunned, she felt the shivers run down her spine, the hairs on her arms begin to raise in goose bumps, a heaviness cover her chest, then her throat tighten in anticipation, and her mind begin to dull with the sensation of it. Buffy's grip on her bag loosened, as it fell to the floor, she moved her hands up to his chest to push him away, but they ended up around his neck, her hands entwining in his hair, gently creating pressure at the back of his skull. He took this as surrender to his kiss, and his mouth now lay on her lips. Gently he began delving into her mouth with his tongue, exploring the recesses of it, tasting the hard and soft textures within.  
  
Spike pulled her in closer too him, tightening his grasp on her, he wanted her as close to him as psychically he could, he needed to burn his impression on her, like she was doing to him. He could feel her body respond to his kiss, he moved a hand to her neck, tilting her head so he could delve deeper into her mouth, his tongue battling it out with her own for dominance. Buffy moved her other hand to his waist pulling him closer in response, pushing on his head with her other hand, making him increase the pressure of his mouth upon her own. Her heart beating so hard and fast she thought it would explode and burst its way out of her chest, her breathing intensifying with the heat that the two were generating. So much that they both burned with it......  
  
A niggling feeling of being watched, found its way eventually into Buffy's' head, hitting her with the realisation of just where they where. Buffy quickly pulled away, and pushed Spike with such a force he nearly lost his footing, the look on her face was a mix of embarrassment and absolute horror. Spike was just as dumb founded and stunned at his behaviour, all he could do was look at her, the regret was written all over his face for the world to see.  
  
"Buffy, I'm sorry."  
  
Buffy just didn't know what to do or say, and so she did the only thing she could.  
  
She ran.  
  
Chapter Six ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~Shadows in the Sun~~  
  
Buffy sat in her room, trying desperately to write her paper that was due next week, with little composing happening. The day's events at college had wiped out any chance of that. She played the incidents over and over again in her mind, just trying to make sense of them. The obvious clincher had been the kiss, it had thrown her into a tail spin, and she just couldn't believe that she'd allowed him to do it. She should have at least hit him once on the nose, and mess that pretty face of his. The gall of the man was just too much, and what in hell's name was he doing at the college today?  
  
The kiss had burned through her protective wall, which she had put around herself the last year, crumbling every brick to rubble, and making dust out of her guarded heart. She had to stop denying that she felt absolutely nothing for him, and that she'd been kidding herself that she was an emotionless entity. What a wake up call it had been. She was so overwhelmed with these emotions, that she felt she was drowning in them, suffocating as she tried to free herself from her denial. She finally had to admit to herself, that she was doing something that she never would have imagined 12 months ago.  
  
She was falling in love again.  
  
But after last year, she didn't and hadn't wanted too, and to make things worse, it was always with the 'impossible male'. Spike was older, a father and totally not her type. But then again she'd fallen for the college boy and look where that got her. Abused, emotionally tarnished, and unable to or more to the point unwilling to open herself to anyone. She just didn't want these feelings messing up her life, not now, and not ever.  
  
But they were a reality, they were here and they were real, as much as she tried to bury, deny or ignore them. They were here and were here to stay, ready, willing or not. She realised they'd crept up on her, and were crying to be released and realised. Her body had burned entwined with his, craved him, and needed him more than she had realised. There was a decision to be made, and that was what she was going to do about it? Would she bury them deep in her heart, or would she allow them to become corporeal and breathe life back into her un-beating heart?  
  
She'd been stumbling in the dark for so long. Could she come back into the sun, or maybe just sit in the shadows for a while? Taste the beauty of the moment, and lounge in the protection it offered, before she dared take that step back into the daylight, so to speak. She had questions, and answers, but just didn't know if she wanted to think about it too much.  
  
Why did life have to be so complicated?  
  
Maybe it was time just to take that one step forward, but did she want to take it with him? That alone was enough to have her petrified in the darkness. He would expect more than any college boy........  
  
Commitment. Total devotion. Surrogate mom?? Love and sex.  
  
She had no trouble with the, commitment and devotion, as she knew he would give nothing else but that, and demand it in return. But 'Mom Buffy', she wasn't so sure about, she was only 18. How on earth was she expected to do that job? She had enough trouble changing a nappy for goodness sake. Her mind had trouble getting around the love and sex bit, which was something that she wanted to, put in the 'too hard basket'. She just didn't know if she was ready to give either. She didn't deny that he was every woman's fantasy, but actually giving herself to another, she just didn't know if she was ready.  
  
With that thought, she could feel part of the wall rebuild itself, and she heard somewhere deep inside her scream in fear. Fear of being lock up for all eternity. Fear of dying in the darkness.......  
  
She just continued to stare at the computer screen in front of her, it was a lost cause, and she was never going to get anything done, she was too caught up in her thoughts. Giving up, she slammed the 'off' button, and stomped out of her room, down the stairs. She went into the kitchen to get something to drink and to ease the on coming headache, when the door bell chimed.  
  
"I'll get it!" Dawn screamed from somewhere inside of the house, followed by a loud "Hey Spike, Imogen, come in!"  
  
'Oh my god!' went straight through Buffy's head, along with a streak of throbbing pain as the headache took residence in her brain. She didn't need the confrontation, not tonight, any night, but not tonight. But it would appear that the unavoidable was about to make itself known.  
  
"Bufffyyyyyyyyyy!!!" Dawn screamed up the stairs, thinking her sister would be up in her room.  
  
"I'm in here Dawn" there was no point hiding, and he knew she was home.  
  
"Hey sis, Spike wants to talk to you." Dawn located her sister in the kitchen with Imogen on her hip. The little girl gurgled her delight, at the peek-a-boo game Dawn was playing with her, "And he wants me to mind Imogen for a while, what gives?"  
  
"I have absolutely no idea. Did he say he wanted to speak to me?" Buffy asked as innocently as possible, trying not to give much away of the churning thoughts in her mind, and shattered nerves that make her feel nauseated.  
  
"No, he asked to speak to Elvis!"  
  
"I thought Billy was more his style?"  
  
"Buffy....." Dawn giggled at Buffy's bout of sarcasm, "He wants to speak to you about something, and he's acting all weird. Did you do something?"  
  
"No," Buffy commented just a little too quickly for her sisters liking.  
  
"If you didn't, then what's his problem?"  
  
"And I am meant to know, by some strange eerie force what his problem is?"  
  
"Okay, don't get all 'gurhhhh' on me!"  
  
With that, Dawn took Imogen out of the kitchen and the direction of her bedroom, leaving Buffy in the kitchen by herself and with Spike leaning up against the door frame. Buffy had yet to notice him, as she had her head in the fridge, trying to decide what to drink, trying to talk her mind momentarily off the here and now. Picking up a glass bottle, she turned, and was caught out by Spikes presence; she dropped the bottle, its contents smashing on the floor.  
  
"Sorry luv didn't mean to scare you." Spike walked over to clean up the mess, grabbing a tea towel from the sink to mop the mess up. Leaving a red faced Buffy standing in the midst of it, just too confused to do anything but just stand in the middle of the sticky river.  
  
After mopping it up the best he could, he took her hand and walked her out of the kitchen into the back yard. Directing her to the two wooden lounging chairs, sitting her down in the first one they came across, and promptly sat in the other.  
  
"We need to talk Buffy."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"We kissed Buffy."  
  
"Spike its late, can we please do this another night, please!!! I am so not in the mood for this right now!" Buffy crossed her arm on her chest refusing to even look at him.  
  
"In the mood or not luv, we are going to talk about it!"  
  
"Do I have to repeat myself yet again, 'I don't want to hear it!!?' Are you deaf or something, I already told you that today" Buffy raised her head and her voice.  
  
"Can you sing me a new bit, that's gone stale pet?"  
  
"AAAArrrghhhhhhh, you are so frustrating! You tell me something so profound, you ignore me, and then you grab me and.....and....and" Buffy was lots for words.  
  
"Kissed you so good it burned?"  
  
"Yes....I mean no." Buffy stumbled on her response, "I definitely mean no! And you instantly regretted it anyway?"  
  
"No I didn't Buffy. I was sorry that I did it in front of a whole class of freshman!" Spike got out of his chair, lent over the arm of her chair, and stared straight into her eyes, "Instead of doing it somewhere private, so we could have continued until it consumed us!"  
  
"You don't mean that!"  
  
"I don't know why, but I do! You are not what I should want, who I should be with, and definitely not what I expected!"  
  
"You hold yourself in such high esteem!"  
  
Spike just laughed, "You got me wrong! Buffy your 18 years old, a student and you shouldn't be with a man that's old enough to be your fathers youngest brother, a single dad or as damaged as me. You should be with a young man, enjoying college life and planning your future. Not a ready assembled family at your age."  
  
Buffy could hear so much pain in his speech, the conflict that he must be feeling about her and what he thought she really needed. But she heard the deep need within him that was calling out to her, wanted her and desired her. How could she deny it when she was doing it herself, calling out for someone to connect with her, and that someone was him. Yet his little lecture about her ideal mate, made old dark images, fears and blackened realities come to the surface of her reality. And they took hold of her, as she retaliated against him..........  
  
"What would you know? What makes you an expert in what I need? Who are you to tell me what I need, who I should be with, and what to do with my future?" Buffy felt like smacking him across the face, "Who the fuck do you think you are?"  
  
"Buffy please!!!"  
  
"Well let me tell you a few home truths, 'Mr I Bloody Well Know Everything!!!'" Buffy's anger was so strong she shook with it, "I've dated 'Mr Nice Collage Guy' and you wanna know where it got me. It got me nearly date raped, okay! 'Mr Nice Collage Guy' thought 'no' means 'yes', that tearing my clothes off as he hit me, would be a fun game. The fact that my friends heard me scream, was the only thing that saved me. But not only that, I had to live with the humiliation of having my best friend having to see me like that, having to take me home and clean me up. To the having Mr Collage Guy, you know the one you want me with, telling the whole collage that, he got lucky, and what a lousy lay.."  
  
Buffy stopped mid sentence, without realizing it she'd told him everything, every last detail, and she felt ......exposed. She felt sick, '~oh my god, what have I done? ~', she went as pale as a ghost and looked like she was about to pass out.  
  
"Buffy, I'm sorry luv. Are you alright? Do you want me to get Dawn?"  
  
"No, no Dawn. She doesn't know, they don't know?"  
  
"Why the bloody hell not?", then the realisation hit on him, "You didn't report it did you?"  
  
"No, I couldn't, I just couldn't"  
  
"Buffy you should have, or at least told someone?"  
  
"No!"  
  
Spike was at a loss, an absolute loss, at what to say or do. She was hurting big time, and what does he do, come onto her like a bull in a china shop. Buffy just seemed to stop for a moment in time, as if frozen in unwanted memories, locked inside somewhere deep within.  
  
"Spike, it's okay, it was ages ago, and I don't want to talk about it ok, please!" Buffy asked of Spike.  
  
"Buffy you should..."  
  
"Spike I said end of conversation, please!"  
  
"Okay. But if you need me you know where I am?"  
  
"Spike can you do me a favour?"  
  
"Anything Buffy?" Spike stood and bowed at her, trying to inject some humour back into the conversation, "I am your willing slave, madam?"  
  
"Would you just hold me for a while, please?"  
  
With that Spike stood up straight, motioned for her to stand up, gathering her near to him, he turned her around so she was at the front, and sat down on the chair. Pulling her down onto his lap, enveloping her into his arms, offering her warmth and comfort, they just sat there giving each other strength.  
  
Neither could deny it any longer, despite everything they wanted and needed each other. All the darkness that filled their lives could no longer be lived in, the comfort that they had found in them had been stifling, denying them to be able to grow and move on.  
  
Spike brushed her arm with his hand, running it up and down, brushing it with his finger tips, for what seemed an eternity. Until she leant in closer, and tilted her head back, feeling his hand come to the back of her jaw, she closed her eyes and opened her lips to receive his own.  
  
Gently they expressed their combined needs in their kiss, lips brushing over each other, just touching, showing their fragile states. Not demanding, just giving reassurance to each other and gentle persuasion to allow the kiss to deepen. Slowly and tenderly Spike increased the pressure of his mouth on hers, tasting her as he ran his tongue over her lips. Just allowing the tip to touch her, learning her shape and tang of her essence he found. The feel of him on her lips made Buffy shiver to her core, she trusted him completely to allow her the space she needed, and to accept what she was willing to give at this point.  
  
As time passed, he invaded her totally, sweeping fully into her mouth, opening it fully to him. She found her hands tightening onto his arms that held her to him, leaning deeper into his embrace and she let herself get lost in the moment. Spike felt the moment she surrendered, as she began to return his kiss, allowing her own exploration of his lips, and as she tightened her embrace of him. She showed her trust in him, and her acceptance of him. He closed his eyes and gave himself up to his passion......  
  
Buffy pulled away the moment that his hand touched her breast, pushing her way out of the chair, she just turned and stared at him. The fear in her eyes struck him like lightening, leaving him with emotional burn marks. He couldn't believe his stupidity of what he'd done after what she'd told him, and not controlling himself. Obviously Buffy would have to guide him to what she would and wouldn't allow.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"I'm sorry Spike......I'm....I'm just..I'm just not able to.I mean."  
  
"It's okay sweetheart, what ever you want," with that Spike stood and encircled her into his arms. Just holding her, brushing her flyaway hair back behind her ears, kissing her on the forehead. He saw Dawn come outside the back door in a rush.  
  
"Buffy! Moms home! Quick!" she stopped dead spotting the two in their embrace, "Spike!"  
  
The two jumped away from each other as they heard the jeep come around the side of the house, and their mom get out of the car. She was home early for a change, and totally unexpected at this time.  
  
"Hello kids...Spike." Joyce looked at the three just standing in the backyard, "Have I missed a neighbourhood meeting?"  
  
"NO!" all three replied to Joyce's enquiry.  
  
"Okay, so have I missed something at all?"  
  
"No Mom, Spike just brought himself and the baby over. I invited them to dinner if that's okay?" Buffy asked her mum, trying to make up a plausible excuse for his presence.  
  
"That's nice of you Buffy. In that case Spike, you can help me unload the car with the shopping"  
  
Spike accepted his task with no question, leaving the two sisters together, a dangerous combination.  
  
"You two were kissing!"  
  
"Please Dawn, please don't tell mom!"  
  
"Hmmmm it's going to cost you"  
  
"Please Dawn!"  
  
"Okay I won't tell mom, but I want details!"  
  
"Alright, but later?"  
  
"I can't wait to her your excuse for this one!" with that Dawn went back into the house.  
  
Buffy turned to look at Spike helping her mother. '~what the hell have I done!~', she thought to herself. All the self doubt and fear began to creep back into her mind, trying to over take her new found feelings. She was absolutely lost in herself......  
  
As the war contained within her had begun. 


	4. Lost In Regret & Reflections

Thanks go to Kirsty .....nice to have you back from holidays....yay!!!  
  
Missed your valuable input!!  
  
And of course Darcy....who I've handed by bad beta habits onto.changing  
  
text as we like it!!!  
  
~~~Chapter Seven~~~  
  
~~Lost In Regret~~  
  
Dinner was an affair to remember. Sitting across from him at dinner, Buffy couldn't look him in the eye, not even once. She refused to meet his worried glances at her, full of need to know that she was okay and didn't regret what had happened between them. But it was clear to him that she did. Her mannerisms told the truth of the matter. Even Dawn's kicks under the table couldn't detract Buffy from looking at her, or Spike. Buffy looked either at her mother or her food all night. Even Joyce had picked up on her daughter's disinterest in the meal, and the company at the table.  
  
"Buffy dear, are you feeling alright?" A concerned mother asked her daughter.  
  
"Yeah mom, I'm just not hungry."  
  
"Is something wrong sweetheart? Has something happened?"  
  
With this question from her mother, Buffy couldn't help but look at him. She saw the hurt that lay within his eyes. Her mother caught the obvious interplay between the two at the table, and became greatly concerned about both of them. Something was going on between the two, that was obvious, but what Joyce didn't have a clue.  
  
"No mom, may I be excused please?" Buffy asked of her mother.  
  
"Yes, but are you sure that you're okay?"  
  
"Yeah mom, I just need to go to bed I think, and have an early night."  
  
"Buffy it's only 8.30! You never go to bed before 11.00!" Dawn joined in the conversation, knowing exactly why her sister was trying to escape.  
  
"Will you just leave it!!" Buffy retorted.  
  
"Okay, okay, sorry!" Dawn tried to retreat from the stare of her sister.  
  
"Alright girls!! Buffy before you leave say goodnight to our guests." Joyce requested.  
  
"Good night Spike" Buffy looked at him for a second, giving all her attention to Imogen instead, she brushed the baby's hair back, and kissed her goodnight, "Sleep well angel".  
  
With that Buffy began the retreat up to her room, in an attempt to get as far away as she could, from the cause of her regret. Closing the door behind her, she shut herself from everything and everyone out in the world, and entered into the safe haven of her room. A place she couldthink about everything that had happened to her, what had happened today, and what was going to happen in the future.  
  
The gambit of emotions swelled over her as she lay on her bed. She thought about the incident with Riley, all those months ago, telling Spike about it tonight, and what impact their passionate kiss had upon her. She just felt so mixed up about everything; had never felt so lost within herself, and it was getting worse everyday. But the worst thing she felt was the regret she felt about kissing him, but it wasn't the type of regret that she knew she should be feeling.  
  
It was regret that she couldn't continue.  
  
She'd let her fear control her for so long, that rejecting a man had become second nature, and when she'd pulled away from Spike, it had been the part of her that had been attacked cringing inside her. That was what she regretted, not being able to truly enjoy the kiss, his touch and his obvious attraction to her. Deep down she'd already acknowledged her desire for him, despite whatever obstacles may present themselves in front of them, she wanted him. More than wanted him, she desired him and was beginning to feel deep emotions for him.  
  
And he'd called himself 'damaged', what a fine pair they'd make, she was just as 'damaged'.  
  
Buffy realised that it would take patience and trust from both of them to have any chance. It was time to confront the emotions, that had controlled her life for so long. Memories of that night in Spike's bedroom came hurtling back, his pain and sorrow echoing in her thoughts, as she planned her freedom. These memories put a screaming stop on any plan to get involved with him. A few months ago he was so overwhelmed with his grief, that it had consumed him before her very eyes, and now he was kissing her with such a passion that it had burned her.  
  
How can someone have such conflicting emotions? She thought that she was emotionally stunted, and he had just seemed to move on too quickly for her liking. Buffy shook her head, as all these ideas swirling around in her head. Her mind screamed with all the conflicting emotions, all she wanted was to move forward, too move away from the bleak darkness that had ruled her for so long, and had held her back. She wanted to be free from this rollercoaster ride, it made her sick of this life, never standing still, with it hurtling up and down everyday.  
  
So she made a decision. A decision she hoped that she'd never live to regret, and something she was going to fight her being for.......  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike helped Joyce clear the table. After Buffy's defection the conversation had become even more stagnated, silence had hung in the air between all those left at the table. Dawn had quickly departed after her sister, hiding in the lounge room to play with Imogen, to avoid any awkwardness that remained after her sister's departure. The two in the kitchen discussed everything from the weather, to new nappy rash powders on the market, but the chit chat came to an end, as Joyce made it clear she wanted to discuss something serious with Spike.  
  
"Spike, I think it's time that we had a talk, don't you think?"  
  
"About what ?" Spike tried to keep it as friendly as he could.  
  
"I think that's obvious young man!"  
  
"Ummmm Joyce, I think that you'd better just tell me what on earth you are talking about?"  
  
"Well as if you didn't know?"  
  
"Joyce I promise you, I don't know what you're talking about?"  
  
"The crush, young man!"  
  
"Crush......" Spike was speechless. How could have Joyce guessed that he felt something for her daughter? But then again dinner had been a dead give away. All the avoidance Buffy had thrown his way had made it obvious to a blind man, that something was going on between them. "Please Joyce!! I promise you that nothing has happened....well nothing serious yet."  
  
"Yet, what the hell do you mean 'yet'! She's only a little girl!!"  
  
"It was just a kiss, Joyce please, be reasonable!! She is not a little girl, she's a young woman!" Spike tried to defend Buffy the best he could.  
  
"You are too old for her...you're sick!!"  
  
"I know that I'm older........hey wait. I'm not talk...."  
  
"Get out! Get out and don't come back into my house again!", Joyce grabbed Spike by the collar of his shirt, and attempted to throw him out of the house.  
  
"MOM!!!" Dawn ran into the kitchen with Imogen in her arms.  
  
"Go to your room Dawn, NOW!"  
  
"Mom it's not me okay! He's not going on about me...his talking about Buffy." Joyce stopped what she was doing, hearing her daughter's words, "He likes Buffy mom, not me!"  
  
"Oh my, oh my..." Joyce was speechless at her actions towards Spike, "This doesn't make it any better Spike, she's still a child!"  
  
"I know Joyce, god don't you think that I know that!" Spike tried to control his anger towards himself, and the situation he'd gotten himself into.  
  
Imogen began to scream her lungs out, she felt her fathers' distress, she wanted him and she wanted him now! Leaning out of Dawns' arms towards her father, Spike pulled her into his embraced and tried to calm her down. He smoothed her hair down, kissing her forehead, and whispered to her soft words of reassurance. This was not the time or place to discuss this.  
  
"Joyce, please not now! Imogen's tired, can I suggest that we discuss this at another time. That we sleep on it tonight, please! I need to give her a bath and put her to bed." Spike pulled open the backdoor, "Joyce, I do care for your daughter, I know that. I think she needs me as much as I need her, and she's old enough to know what she wants. I am a man, Joyce, not a monster and I wouldn't hurt her for anything!"  
  
Spike opened the door and stormed out, not even to think about picking up the baby's things. He ran back to his own home, trying to open the front door, dropping the keys, he picked them up swearing to himself; eventually he got the door open, and slammed it behind him.  
  
Nobody could heard the steps in the Summers' house creak as a single figure retreated up them, back into her room, closing the door behind her.....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike bathed his daughter in her bath, reflecting on tonight's events; over and over they replayed themselves in his mind. He just couldn't ignore what he felt anymore, and now that he knew that Buffy had regretted what had happened in her backyard, he didn't know what to think. His heart felt like it had been ripped out again, and he just wanted to smash something, break it into little pieces like his heart. He finally was being released from his prison of grief, only to find himself denied what he truly desired and needed.  
  
He just didn't get it, Buffy had seemed to take pleasure in their kiss, and had responded to him, until she'd pulled away from his caress, that he did understand. But her response to him at dinner he didn't understand. Was she afraid that he may do the same thing as the man who had hurt her, or was she just afraid of herself? He'd made it clear to her that he would do what she wanted, that he wouldn't cross the line if she didn't want to, that she made the boundaries, and that he would never cross them, unless she said so.  
  
Or had he? He tried to remember what he'd exactly said to her, but he could only remember the feel of her arms around him and her lips on his, and the passion that had burned between them. If anything was clearer to him it was that she was what he wanted, and he would do anything to have her.  
  
Anything.  
  
He picked up his little girl, drying her as he moved to her room, changing her into her pyjamas and putting her in her cot to sleep. He arranged her on her back, at the bottom of the cot, covering her with a light blanket and turned on the baby monitor, as he left the room. He went to his own room, as the night was a write off, he couldn't wind down from the nights events, and he decided that a shower was in order. Maybe it would relieve some tension he felt in his head, with the on coming stress headache, that was starting at the front of his temples.  
  
Undressing and turning on the shower, he waited until the water was just right and climbed into the shower stall, closing the clear glass door behind him. He stepped into the spray and let the water cascade down his body, allowing it to envelope his whole body. Putting his head under the spray, he never heard the rocks hit the window, or hit the floor from the bathroom adjoining his bedroom. Nor did he hear someone climbing up the rose trellis, and swear as they got caught in the thorns of the rose bush, as they reached the second story of the house.  
  
Buffy slowly lifted the window sill the rest of the way up, from the middle of the pane, where she'd found it. Trying not to make a noise as she did it, she poked her head through the window, trying to see if Spike was in bed. All the lights were of in the house, except for what appeared to be a lamp in the master bedroom.  
  
Taking a huge risk and leap of faith, she'd decided to climb the trellis to confront Spike, and soothe some of her fears about them. But most importantly, talk to him about the decision she'd made regarding them, and most importantly about herself. Seeing that he wasn't in bed, she could hear water running in the en-suite, she contemplated her next move, and attempted to turn around to retreat back down the way she came. She lost her footing and grabbed hold of the window sill, loosing her nerve, she realised she had only one option and she took it.  
  
Climbing through the window she entered the bedroom, moving the sheer curtain aside, to allow her further entry into the room. It looked the same as it had before, the bed was made, a few clothes lay strewn on the floor, and yet something was missing. It struck Buffy instantly, it was his wedding portrait, the one in the crystal frame, and it was gone. Instead pictures of Imogen were everywhere, on every available space laid a picture of his little girl.  
  
Taking this all in, she could still hear the water running in the next room, taking a deep breath, she took a step in the direction of the door between the rooms, and placed her hand on the door knob. Gathering all the strength she could, she fought all the fear that came to the surface, she'd made a choice, wrong or right, she had to try and over come every dark emotion. With an inner resolve she turned the handle, and opened the door as quietly as she could...........  
  
~~Chapter Eight~~  
  
~~~Reflections In Innocent Eyes~~~  
  
He was lost in his thoughts when he heard the bathroom door open, instantly his thoughts went to Imogen, he thought the worst. There was an intruder in his home, hidden behind the door, '~Please don't let them hurt my little girl~', his instincts were going into kill mode. The door opened more just too a small crack, reflecting in his shaving mirror attached to the shower wall, he watched the door reveal his intruder.  
  
Buffy.  
  
She stood just behind the door, staring at him in the shower, her eyes wide and innocent. Not wanting to scare her off, he continued to wash himself, and allowed her to take the view in. He couldn't fathom her presence in his house, or why she was there watching him? Especially after her rejection of him afterwards at the dinner table, then again maybe he had the whole situation wrong. He just didn't know, and he didn't care. She was here, watching him, he could see the confusion and desire melted together in her eyes, reflected in the mirror.  
  
He slowed his movements in bathing himself, he soaped up the wash cloth again, and began running it up and down his arm. He continued up his collar bone, around and under his arm, to his torso travelling along his side, down to his hip, bending down to wash his leg. He returned in the opposite direction along his other side, so slowly that it was driving him insane, he just wanted to grab her and drag her into the shower to continue having one with her. He knew that wasn't possible, he knew she'd run, and never trust him again, he'd be no better than the punk that had hurt her.  
  
His thoughts were having an undesired influence on him, as he felt himself being affected by her presence and his desire for her. It was becoming obvious that he was losing control, and losing it fast, he caught her reflection in the mirror once again. He could see her watching him, looking at him up and down, not taking her eyes of his body, lapping up every inch of him. It was turning him on, and he just couldn't take it anymore, so he took matters into his own hands. He knew that he'd either scare her off, or make his desire for her as plain as day. He put his head once more under the water, trying to clear his minds of all his thoughts, and just concentrate on here and now.  
  
Buffy watched as he washed himself under the stream of water, as it cascaded down his body, taking the bubbles of soap with it. At points on his body it collected and concentrated into thick droplets of water, she couldn't help herself as she watched them travel down his beautiful form. Starting at his hair, they dripped onto his shoulder, some travelling to the front of him, which was hidden from her view, others down to his back as they travelled downwards. Through the ripples of muscles, as they moved as he cleaned himself with the wash cloth, sending the droplets in different directions, all over his back. Finally reaching his buttocks, they sheared off into even more directions, down his legs, past his muscled thighs, and calves. They disappeared beyond his feet and down to the drain below the tiles.  
  
Buffy could feel her heart and breathing speed up as she watched him bathe; she was frozen on the spot. This was not what she'd come for, but she couldn't pull herself away, and if anything, seeing him like this just strengthened her resolve. She revelled in her response to him. It was the first step in the direction she wanted to go. She just stood there, admiring the beauty of the man before her. He was perfect in everyway possible, and every woman's fantasy.  
  
She continued to watch him, as he allowed the water to rinse the soap from his body, and drop the wash cloth to the floor. He moved his hand to the side of the shower. Expecting him to turn off the water, Buffy moved slightly away from the door, trying to hide her presence from him. Waiting for a few seconds, she realised that he hadn't turned off the water at all. He was leaning back against the wall of the shower.  
  
He could hear her sharp intake of breath as she realised what he was doing, he had closed his mind of to everything, except her being here and watching him. He grasped himself in his hand, allowing the water to lubricate his movements, as he pleasured himself under the stream of the shower. He closed his eyes, too frightened to see her disappear from the reflection in the shaving mirror. He dreamed of her being here with him now, enveloped in his arms as the water moved down and between their bodies, as they kissed and caressed each other. With no fear in her eyes, just heat and desire that he felt for her, reflected in her own eyes for him.  
  
Buffy was lost in the moment as much as he was, she couldn't take her eyes off him, she felt her lungs burn with each breath she struggled to take, and the redness in her cheeks burn, as she felt a little twinge of embarrassment. The truth was she'd never seen this before, never seen the male form before, and never knew that it could be so breathtaking. As the desire for him hit its pinnacle, somewhere from deep inside her was the desire to want to be with him, under the water with his hands all over her. She averted her eyes just for a minute, as the shame of spying on him, took its place along side of the desire she felt. But she didn't want to move, and she wasn't going to.  
  
He continued his movements with his hand with long quick strokes, trying to make it last as long as he could. Hoping that she continued to watch him, and that thought was enough to make him want come right then and there. He opened his eyes and saw that she still was there, standing behind the bathroom door, watching him with those innocent eyes. He quickened his pace as he caught her gaze in the mirror, his want of her evident in his eyes, and he didn't bother to even hide it anymore from her. He called her name out as he let himself have release........  
  
Quickly turning of the taps, he exited the shower and grabbed a towel on the way out of the bathroom. Wrapping it around his hips, he moved out of the bathroom and into his bedroom, not really expecting her to be there, he was a little shocked to find her sitting gob smacked on his bed. A little pale and unsure of herself.  
  
"Buffy," Spike whispered to the girl on his bed.  
  
"Spike, ummmmmm......I came...I came...to..." Buffy mumbled a replied.  
  
"If anyone came luv it was me." Spike said, trying to add some humour into the situation.  
  
"I.....I."  
  
"Yes, what Buffy? What are you trying to say?"  
  
"I do.I do....ummmmmmmmm"  
  
"Buffy stop babbling, its okay sweetheart. Whatever you say will be okay?" Spike tried to reassure her.  
  
The problem was that Buffy didn't know what to say. What do you say to a man, just after you've broken into his house, watched him shower, and watched him come? Buffy was still trying to come to terms with the fact she had just stood there and watched him. It had created a haunting desire within her. She realised that she had more to overcome than just wanting to feel something for him. She wanted to overcome the fear of being with him, she wanted him as much as he wanted her. This alone in itself was going to be one of the greatest hurdles in any relationship that may develop between them.  
  
"I'm sorry Buffy." Was all he could say to her.  
  
"Don't be."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said 'don't be sorry'."  
  
"But...." Now it was his turn to be dumfounded.  
  
"I do...I do want you. But......but I don't know if I can."  
  
"Luv you can do anything you want."  
  
"I know, but...."  
  
"But you're scared?"  
  
"Yeah I am, I'm terrified!"  
  
Spike moved towards her, and sat on the bed beside her, taking her hand in his, frightened that she might try and run away. She had that stunned look in her eyes, like a rabbit caught in a car headlight. Too frightened to move and frozen in one spot. He just sat there next to her, really unsure what to say to her and how to approach her.  
  
"Is this the part where you hit me over the head and run?" Spike asked the girl in front of him.  
  
"I would if my legs would work!" Buffy replied to his question, trying to hide behind her fear behind humour.  
  
"Do you even like me Buffy?"  
  
"How can you ask me that? You know I do!"  
  
"Do you trust me?"  
  
"I'm trying to! I'm really trying too! But I'm afraid!"  
  
"Of what Buffy? Tell me, explain it to me. Help me understand." Spike tightened his hold on her hand.  
  
"I'm scared. Scared of myself, scared of how I feel, scared of you a little, and scared of.... being with you." Buffy moved slightly away from him, pulling her hand out of his.  
  
"Buffy, luv you aren't the only one to feel scared. I live with it everyday, and sometimes it consumes me, beyond the point I thought, of no return. But we have to face our fears, and live." The conviction in Spike's voice was deafening to her, she felt his insecurities and fear, come resoundingly through his voice. "Just live luv, just live!"  
  
"I'm frightened that I don't know how to anymore."  
  
"Then maybe we do need each other Buffy, because as much as I wanted to crawl into that coffin with my wife, I couldn't. I just couldn't because of Imogen, because she needed me, and slowly I realised I needed her too. I've realised something else Buffy, I need you! I need you to breathe, to move and to just be."  
  
"I....I..." Buffy was just too taken aback by his confession to say anything.  
  
"Let me be the reason you live. Let me be the reason you breathe. Let me be the reason you be. Need me Buffy! Need me! Because for the love of god! I need you!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy numbly walked home from Spike's after their conversation, she couldn't say anything to him after what he'd said. He'd made his hunger for her plain, he'd put some of her cards on the table, and he knew what he wanted from her, plainly displaying it in front of her. Despite her resolve to move forward, the reality of the situation had smacked her in the face. Spike wanted her body and soul.  
  
He wanted all of her, or not at all.  
  
He was asking her for everything, and she knew that he would return everything he was back to her. She had thought that she felt lost in the situation before, now she just felt adrift from the reality of her life. She never expected this from him, and she didn't know if she could handle it. She knew that she wanted to try, she truly wanted to reach out to him, be with him, and be part of him. Buffy truly felt her youth in that thought, she knew that in accepting him, she would have to accept Imogen as part of the package. The little girl deserved to be included in any decision she made, and a commitment to him, meant a commitment to her.  
  
Lost in even deeper thoughts know, Buffy entered her room via her window trying to avoid her mom. But with no luck, Joyce sat on a wicker chair in the corner of her room, with Mr Gordo in her lap. She pulled at the pigs ears, the look of worry spread across her face.  
  
"You used to sleep with him every night without fail, when you were little." Joyce said as Buffy sat on her bed facing her mother.  
  
"I couldn't sleep without him."  
  
"He older than you Buffy, much older, and it's so complicated!" Joyce continued to worryingly pulling on Mr Gordo's ears, nearly ripping them off.  
  
"I know mom. He is older, but not that much.....he's only 27 !."  
  
"He has a baby Buffy, a little life dependent on him. Do you want that responsibility Buffy?"  
  
"Gee I'm gone five minutes, we've kissed once...or twice, and you have us married already. Please mom be real!"  
  
"I am being real Buffy! He's a grown man, with a child! You're only 18, for god's sake! What would you know about what you need? Why not a boy your own age? I mean what was so wrong with Riley, that you now have to get involved with Spike? An older man!"  
  
Buffy saw red. She could listen to anything that her mother could throw her way about her and Spike, but to bring Riley into the mix was just too much. She exploded with anger, and started screaming at her mother. "Get out! Just get out!!" Joyce had never seen her daughter react like this about Riley before; she'd just clamed up about them, when they'd broken up. She had flatly refused to speak about them.  
  
"Buffy, I will not leave until you explain yourself young lady!"  
  
"Please mom, not now, please!" the tears forming in her eyes, fell down like rain drops down the side of a wall, on her face. Her sobs became stronger the more tears continued to fall down her face. Her mother quickly dropped Mr Gordo and enveloped her daughter into a tight hug of reassurance, and love.  
  
"Did something happen tonight, sweetheart?" Joyce asked her daughter, with great concern.  
  
"Yeah mom, something did."  
  
"What sweetheart, tell me? What happened?"  
  
"I think I'm falling in love." 


	5. Found & Mine

Thanks to my Beta Readers; Kirsty......thank you.you've made this so much easier and it's nice to find such a gal to be a beta reader!!! I'm SO happy your back!! Even if your on the otherside of the planet!!  
  
Darcy..thank you....for being another grest gal....and feeding my imagination, and letting me be the one to first read your fic.even if I have to beta read it....go on check out Darcy Daliets work!!!  
  
Thank you to every one whose reviewed so far.....  
  
PS For Dawnlady........luckily this comes from my imagination, but  
your comments really hit home, and I'm glad that all the feelings seem  
so real!!!  
  
~~~Chapter Nine~~~  
  
~~Found~~  
  
The relationship between neighbours became excruciatingly strained over the next few days, both avoided the other, especially the older adults. Joyce kept all the blinds down on the Benson side of the house, and the front and back doors were now kept firmly locked. The tree at the other side of the house was trimmed back, to avoid it being an escape route for the elder daughter. Joyce came home early every night and always knew the whereabouts of her girls.  
  
Her mother's actions were driving Buffy mad, the house had turned into a prison for her, and Joyce seemed to think that by keeping her daughter close, that she could keep her away from her seemly new fixation, Spike. What Joyce hadn't counted on was the young woman's determination to see him, especially when he had made his feelings to Buffy adequately clear, and he wasn't about to give her up. Her mother had made her own feelings about the situation quite clear a few days after the night her daughter had sneaked out.  
  
"Buffy he's too old for you!"  
  
"Buffy you're too young!"  
  
"Buffy he's a single father!"  
  
"Buffy be reasonable!"  
  
Joyce tried in vain to deter her daughter from pursuing her man, they argued and disagreed upon every point that her mother tried to raise, their age, his fatherhood, and her ability to reason as an adult. The clincher came when in frustration and anger, Joyce screamed what seemed her final insult to her daughter.  
  
"Buffy, you're too young to know what real love is!" Joyce immediately regretted her statement, as her daughter grabbed her bag and ran out the front door. The look on her face had said it all, her anguish and disbelief were written all over it, tears ran down her cheeks. Joyce had unwittingly destroyed any joy that Buffy felt, about her ability in trying to free herself from her self imposed prison, and the delight she took in that liberty.  
  
Slamming the front door, Buffy walked down the path of her front yard, looking longingly over to the house on the left, she tried to see if anyone was watching, hoping to see a glimpse of him, even if only for a minute. As if on cue the garage door motor started as it pulled up the roller door, the vintage car pulled out, the owner and daughter of the house, sat inside. The car backed out, and shook on its chasse as the driver hit the brakes in reaction to seeing her.  
  
"Get in." The command was simple and straight to the point, Buffy did as he asked, climbing into the front passenger seat. She dropped her bag on her feet and did up her seatbelt. Pulling out of the driveway, neither said a word to each other, Spike directed the car in the direction of the university. The feeling of awkwardness showered over Buffy and made her silent, unable to speak to him. She knew if she said something that she'd probably make a fool of herself, and spill all her family frustrations out on him. Her feelings for him were just too new, she didn't want to spoil, or risk any of it by telling him the truth about how her mother felt. If he knew what they truly were, she knew that she'd probably never see him again. She'd be dumb if she thought that he didn't think her mother was upset, the blinds and 'non talking' were enough to show him, that some hostility was being flung his way.  
  
The ride to the university was too quiet, both just a little scared and unsure what to say to the other. The car drove into the university, around a few of the internal roads and bends, pulling up to the day-care centre inside one of the administration buildings, not quite sure what to make of it, she kept silent. Spike took Imogen from the back on the passenger side, out of the baby seat, and just before closing the back passenger door, he looked at the young woman in the front. "Wait here, okay. I'll just be a little while".  
  
Watching him disappear into the building with his daughter, Buffy contemplated whether to flee the car and the conversation she knew was coming. She was unsure what to say to him, wondering if she should tell him the objections her mother had about them, and if so, how he would react to them. She was just too frightened that it would scare him off, and destroy this fragile new relationship between them. Buffy felt just as fragile, she truly wanted this, she had realised that when she had kept quiet during him blurting out his need for her. She needed and wanted him just as much, and she refused to risk breaking anything that was developing between them. So she would keep her mouth shut, and not tell him anything, her feelings were just too new, she wanted to breathe again, and just be 'alive' for want of a better explanation for herself.  
  
So she sat and waited for him.  
  
Time seemed to crawl as she waited for him to return. With a strong resolve, she continued to play out what she would say to him in her mind, over and over, as she reassured herself that all would be well. Nothing would stop her from getting what she wanted, not her mother, not anything, she'd made her choice, and she was going to fight for it with all her being. She'd felt so empty lately, she burned for release, she hated what she had become over the last 12 months, and now she felt more alive in her life than she had ever before.  
  
She realised that she craved not only freedom for herself, but she craved Spike like she needed to breathe. All she saw was him, he filled her thoughts, and he'd broken the divide within her, giving her reason to return to herself. She knew that she'd fight for him, even against her mother if she had to, she would totally embrace him, his life and his family. Even she knew that it would probably have a cost attached to it, she just knew that she wanted to embrace everything that was him.  
  
Spike approached his car, looking at the young woman sitting in the front seat, so lost in thought. He watched as the gambit of thoughts, played themselves out on her face, determination dominated them, with a hint of sadness thrown in on the side. He'd avoided her these last few days, trying to give her space to contemplate what he'd said to her, hoping to give her time to digest it. He hoped that a little time and space might let her find the same want and need within her that he had. Or maybe to decide that the intensity he felt towards her was just too much for her to handle, and it wasn't want she wanted.  
  
He knew that he wasn't Joyce's favourite person at the moment, especially with her blunt refusal to speak to him, the drawn shades on his side of the house were a dead give away. What discussion had gone on between mother and daughter played on his mind. He knew deep down inside that she would have reservations about them, but he would face them as they came, what mostly worried him was what affect they had on Buffy. He didn't want to lose her at any point, but he knew that if her mother's approval meant as much to her, he would respect that and back off.  
  
If she wanted him as much as he did her, then he would stand by her, together they would try to overcome any reservations that Joyce had about them. Spike knew that Joyce wouldn't be the only parent with reservations, his father was sure to put his 'two pence' in. He knew that he could handle his father, and any qualms he may have, he hoped that his father would support him getting on with his life, even if it was so soon after the loss of his wife. The other half of this equation also had some difficulties to overcome, in Buffy's case the bastard that had done her so much damage.  
  
Getting back into the drivers side of the car, Spike started the engine and drove away from the spot they were parked in. Heading over to the other side of the campus, he parked in the employees' car park, pulled in a space, and killed the engine. Turning to look at Buffy, he brushed her hair out of her face, lent over and kissed her gently on the mouth. Drawn into the kiss, she pulled herself closer to him, deepening their kissing, gently tasting his closed mouth with her tongue, tempting him to open to her, joining her in this moment between them.  
  
Forgetting everything but them, he relented to her need for him, and united with her fully in their kiss. It was bittersweet, both could feel each other's fear, and dread. One knew the other was holding something back, yet neither could suppress the craving to be with the other. Breaking the kiss, Spike was the first to lift his head away from hers, not letting her go, he went back to just entangling his fingers back in her hair.  
  
"You have classes?" Spike asked of her.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Classes, you know big hall, seats, teachers, books?"  
  
"Huh? Ummm, yeah I suppose I do. But?"  
  
"But? Later Luv, later. Cannot have you missing classes, what would your mum say?"  
  
"Doesn't matter what she says!"  
  
"Yeah luv, it does. She's your mum."  
  
"No it doesn't. It doesn't matter what she says, ok! It just doesn't!" Buffy pushed him away, and got out of the car. It would appear that Spike had hit a nerve.  
  
"Are we talking about the same thing, Buffy?" Spike was starting to get the clear picture from Buffy.  
  
"Yeah...me going to classes, and what mom would say if she didn't think I was going!" Buffy replied, unable to look at him in the eye.  
  
"Buffy...please!" Spike walked around from his side of the car, and pulled her into his arms, despite of where they were and the attention they were causing, he kissed her again, just lightly across the lips in a sign of reassurance. "I'm not letting you go okay. Ever!"  
  
"Look mom's just a bit worried about me.....um you......ummmmmmmm you and me." Buffy's worried look said it all.  
  
"Are you worried?"  
  
"A little. She's just....you know...being a mom."  
  
'I can understand that, I think I'd have my own worries if it was Imogen. But it's not Buffy, it's you, and I'm biased cause it's you that I want. So as a parent I can understand her, but as the man who wants her daughter....I'll just have to try and sweet talk her around!" Spike tried to smile at the girl in his arms, but it was just so hard, he felt her internal conflict buzz inside her head, and they just didn't need this external interference, "Do you want me to go talk to her sweetheart?"  
  
"Oh god no!" came out just a little too quickly for Spikes liking, "I'll talk to her, explain to her, tell her, make her understand! Please just let me do it!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"No buts, I need her to understand." Buffy's hand came out to touch his cheek, "Make her understand that 'I need you to breathe, to move and to just be.'"  
  
Hearing his own words from the other night just sent him into a tail spin, throwing any concerns he had out the window, as she blew him into another realm. The conviction in her voice was just so compelling, that he wished that they were somewhere else, somewhere private. The need to kiss her senseless, was just so overwhelming, he let himself become enveloped in that need, leaned back into her and proceeded to do just that. He gently pushed her against the side of the car, pressed himself closer to her, tightening his hold on her, and they coupled and entwined in their kiss.  
  
The sound of a car horn made them aware of their surroundings, letting her go, but still holding her hand, he gestured that she walk with him towards the building her classes were to be held for the day. Together they made their way across the lawns of the university, Buffy stopping occasionally to say 'hello' to fellow students. Most people noticed the couple walking down the path, some even pointed at them, remembering the episode in the hall a few weeks ago, some laughed and smiled.  
  
The biggest shock came when a professor of Buffy's stopped and spoke with Spike, making pleasantries with him, as she preened herself openly in front of Buffy. She eyed Buffy off suspiciously, as if to say 'well little girl you aren't competition for me'. Buffy just wanted to cut off her head, then and there and stomp on it, till it was in little pieces. Never had she felt such jealousy towards another female. What made it worse was it was one of her teachers. She hoped that this didn't spell trouble, Buffy couldn't concentrate on what they were saying, it was hard enough to curtail her jealousy, without even trying to keep up with them.  
  
"Well Dru, I think that you'd better just send me the file."  
  
"No, I'll bring it to your office today. Why not lunch time, maybe we could catch us some lunch, while we're at it?" The invitation slid of the woman's tongue. "No, just send it through to either my office or on my email will be fine." Spike dismissed the woman, making his way past her, and continuing down the path with Buffy.  
  
Out of hearing from her teacher, Buffy let it out, "That tramp!"  
  
"Buffy!" Spike could feel her negativity before, but didn't expect this outburst.  
  
"She was coming on to you!"  
  
"Yeah, and......"  
  
"How dare she, I mean couldn't she see you are with me! I mean like you would ever go out with that! The fact that you know her, that's enough.......hang on...how do you know her???"  
  
"Hmm I meet her at some seedy bar on the other side of town!" Buffy hit him on the side of the arm, "Come on, haven't you guessed??"  
  
"What, that you work here? Like hello, employee day-care and car park! I'm just not sure what you do?" Buffy felt a little embarrassed to be so involved with someone, and not know what they did for a job. It made her realise that despite knowing a lot about the man, she knew very little of him other than what he'd let her see. It scared and elated her at the same time.  
  
"Financial Advisor to the University."  
  
"Financial what to the University?"  
  
"I advise and overlook the university spending habits, make sure its sound."  
  
"Oh you're the penny pincher!" With that Buffy scooted across the lawn and into a hidden gazebo behind a shaded area, which the gardeners used for breaks, giving them some privacy from students and anyone else. Spike followed close behind her, pursuing after her making sure no one noticed or followed them to the secluded spot.  
  
"So you're the money man hey?" Buffy avoided his attempts to catch her, as he came into the gazebo.  
  
"Yep, gotta make sure that the books balance!" Spike finally trapped her in a corner, placing both his hands on either side of her, playfully blocking any way of escape.  
  
"Sounds pretty interesting to me. So do you enjoy your work?"  
  
"On the odd occasion. It does have its fringe benefits."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Close contact with the Student Body." Buffy pushed herself against him, laying her hands on his arms, and her head against his chest, "Close enough for you?"  
  
"Are you trying to corrupt the administration of this university, Miss Summers?" Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy, kissing her bare neck, lapping his tongue on her skin tasting its salty texture, and inhaling the smell of her perfume.  
  
"Never. Just helping in anyway I can, Mr Benson."  
  
"So are you offering to help me with some research Miss Summers?"  
  
"Of course Mr Benson. What research would that entail?"  
  
"Well a certain student body would help me a lot, Miss Summers."  
  
"Please Mr Benson feel free to go over my resume, as much as you like," the interplay between the two was burning him to the core with desire. He could feel her begin to shake a little, as he ran his hand from her shoulder tip to her elbow and hand, just brushing the surface with the tips of his fingers. Grasping her hand, he gently pulled it up to his mouth, turning it palm up, softly placing his lips over the centre, just touching it, as he darted his tongue out, drawing small slow circles with it. He watched her eyes darken and change as they screamed with her need. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to suck in air, drugging her with a desire she wanted to fulfil.  
  
He moved her hand to his cheek, engaging her lips and tongue with his own. They swirled them around each other, deep in a duel of passion as they explored each other. Even though they had before, each time was like its own revelation, it unleashed new feelings in each, as they surrendered to each other. Caught up in the need and heat of desire they felt for each other, Spike moved his hand to her waist, playing with the edge of the shirt she wore, he could feel her hesitation as a slight shudder rippled through her body.  
  
"Trust me." His words were so soft that she nearly didn't hear him. He slowly pulled her shirt up a little, and allowed his hand to move excruciatingly slowly up her back. Not wanting to scare her, he laid his hand below her bra, proceeding no further. He continued to kiss her with such fever, that her fear was somewhat forgotten in the heat of the moment. Taking her acceptance of his actions, he moved his hand onto her lingerie, letting his hand trace the garment, skimming his hand over the lace cup, to the clasp, and back to the edge of the cup, slowly and repeatedly. He gently teased her, not full grasping her in his hand, just barely touching her, until she whispered so quietly, she was just audible. "I trust you".  
  
With these two words, he unhooked her clasp and gently grasped her breast in his hand, feeling the surface of her skin, taking in the shape of her. Encasing it he gently squeezed the mound between his hand, gliding her peaked nipple between his fingers. He increased his pressure, as she gently pulled at his hair that now lay entwined between her fingers, her sharp intake of breath signalled her pleasure. He just watched the play of emotion over her face, as she struggled with the newfound pleasure she was experiencing at the hands of this man.  
  
It was becoming too much for her, she could feel the old fears returning and stifling these new feelings. She put her hand over his own and removed it, before the fear claimed the passion that she was experiencing. It had been enough to come this far today, and she just hoped that he would continue to understand her fears, and be the reason she overcame them.  
  
"I'm sorry" was all she could muster herself to say.  
  
"It's alright sweetheart. One day at a time." Spike was a little disappointed that she was so afraid of what was happening, but with a little support and love, she would become what he wanted her to be.  
  
His.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~~Chapter Ten~~~  
  
~~Mine~~  
  
Buffy sat throughout her classes with her friends as the day passed quickly, it was hard to concentrate without thinking about the events of the last few days. She realised that she would never raise that proverbial 'white flag', or put up her hands and surrender. She was in love, and nothing would deter her from the course she had set for herself. Even her friends had noticed the change within her, and recognised that she was turning her life around. Even if it was the mysterious Mr Gordo, Tara had yet to break her silence about Buffy's mystery man, it was a little secret she kept to herself.  
  
Unfortunately Spike was not so lucky. Buffy's professor had indeed attempted to deliver, her 'important' file herself, and ingratiated herself into his lunchtime plan. He politely got himself out of a sticky situation, as insistent as she was, by the arrival of his father. It gave him the excuse he needed to avoid her and her plans, but his instinct told him this wouldn't be the last attempt by Dru to gain his attention. The barracuda had sunk her teeth in, and it would be hard to extract her. It just wasn't what he needed right now, a parasite that couldn't accept that he was already with someone. He would have thought that walking hand in hand with Buffy was a clear indication to the world that he was involved, but Dru had just dismissed the girl as no competition. He'd have to tread carefully with her, she was trouble with a capital T.  
  
Dru hadn't been his only problem that day, his father had decided that it was time for a little father and son chat, especially as he had gotten himself involved with a 'young lady'. Pleasantly enough his father enquired about Buffy and her family, how they had met, and what Buffy wanted with her life. This however preceded the verbal assault, which left Spike bewildered and deeply hurt, by his fathers conceived ideas about the couple. The usual argument that she was too young, how could she handle an 'instant family', and the "you're being unreasonable William", made him so angry he just wanted to lash out at his father. Spike had a little inkling to what Buffy must have gone through with her mother, but like her he was determined to ride this out and be with her. Maybe they should just get their parents together and let them sort out their lives for them, including new partners deemed suitable by each parent. For once Spike wished his mother was here, she'd go in to bat for him, just to annoy her ex-husband.  
  
His day didn't seem to get any better, anything that could go wrong did go wrong, and he was glad to see the end of the working day. It would seem that he would just have to clear the air with Buffy's mother once and for all. He didn't want to go headlong into an all out war with her mother, so it would be better to deal with it sooner than later. Later being tonight.  
  
Going out to his car, he spotted Buffy leaning against it waiting for him. From his side vision, he saw the arrival of a young male student, obviously engaging Buffy in small talk. Just what he needed, more interference from another male, as if Dru hadn't been enough today, now this. He quickly sped up his step as he saw Buffy's obvious distress and fear displayed in her body language.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy day had passed without incident, and her little interlude with Spike, had filled her with such a bright energy that she felt she could take on the world, and that anything was possible. As she leant against his car waiting for him, she looked over her days class work, and contemplated whether to play hooky from assignments tonight, and have a quiet night with Spike and Imogen. Her daydream was shattered by the arrival of her nemesis.  
  
Riley made his way towards the petite blonde, stopping a few feet in front of her, looking her up and down, as if summing her up. This put Buffy more on edge, she'd been able to avoid him these last few months, and she'd rather hoped that he'd dropped of the edge of some cliff, but apparently not.  
  
"What do you want?" Buffy defensively asked her walking nightmare.  
  
"Hey, hello to you too." Riley replied with his usual macho bravado.  
  
"I said what do you want?" Buffy stood her ground.  
  
"What! Can't a guy say hello to one of his favourite girls?"  
  
"Look Riley, I don't know how your sick mind works, but just go away. You're not welcome okay!"  
  
"Well I suppose not, now that lover boy's on the scene hey? You know I just love his colour sense, so eighties, or did he just fall over a bottle of peroxide?"  
  
"Look Riley just leave okay, before he comes."  
  
"Oh, I'm so scared! What is he gonna turn me into a pile of dust or something?" Riley took a step closer to her, "Or do you like the bit of rough and tumble he gives out?"  
  
"Riley, you truly are a Neanderthal!" Buffy took a step sideways to avoid being so close to him, her skin crawled with him being so close to her.  
  
"But you used to like it! What is lover boy a wimp hey, or have you just got him whipped?"  
  
"Like what Riley? The way you treated me like a punching bag that night!"  
  
"You truly are a little 'ho'! What are you giving it up to any man now? Wasn't I good enough for you? You little...."  
  
Buffy opened her mouth, to throw an insult back at him, but never had the opportunity as she heard a large crack of bone hitting bone. Spike struck the boy across the jaw with a closed fist that pounded him to the ground. Buffy was sure she heard Riley's jaw break. Spike stood over the boy with a menacing look on his face, and stood back as the Riley got back up on his feet, and took a blind swing at him. Spike ducked as he missed the connection, and not missing a beat hee swung and hit the boy squarely on the nose, breaking the fragile cartilage, and shattering it to little pieces. The boy yelped in pain, as blood poured from his broken nose, he didn't even try to get up from the ground.  
  
"You stay away from what's mine!" Spike warned the boy, "You come within an arm's length of her, and you will be permanently broken! Do you understand, boy?"  
  
Spike grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and roughly pulled him up to look at the boy he held. Riley moaned in pain, as Spike slightly shook him, as if trying to rouse him. Looking at Buffy, as she stood about 10 feet from the scene, he could see the horror written on her face, and the vein of fear that ran through her. He also noticed for the first time the crowd that had gathered around the car, to watch the spectacle.  
  
"Do I make myself clear?" Spike repeated his warning, "You stay away from her! You stay away from what belongs to me, or I WILL make you sorry!"  
  
Letting him go, Spike turned to the crowd, and asked that someone help 'this pathetic excuse of a man' to the university medical centre, to see to the damage he'd inflicted on him. Awkwardly some of the students came forward and helped the injured young man to his feet, slowly moving him away from the battlefield. Spike turned to see a very shell shocked Buffy, he walked to her side and taking her arm led her to the passenger side of the car. He opened the door, and gently prodded her in to sit down. Moving to the other side of the car, he slid in and just sat behind the wheel, staring out the windscreen, not focusing on anything in particular.  
  
"It was him wasn't it? It was that bastard that hurt you?" Spike's words resinated in the car, as it broke the silence between the two occupants.  
  
"Yes." Buffy's word was so quiet and final.  
  
"I'm sorry Buffy."  
  
"So am I."  
  
"For what? I'm the one who hit the bastard!"  
  
"For having to get involved! I was handling it! I could have put him off! But no, you had to go and beat him up!" Buffy crossed her arms in a defensive mood, and turned her body away from him, the tears welled in her eyes and fell down her cheek. Taking her cue he started the car, and drove to the day-care centre, pulling up he got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.  
  
"Will you wait for me?"  
  
His simple request didn't go on deaf ears, Buffy slowly nodded her head in agreement, not wanting to look at him in her present state. He quickly moved off to collect Imogen, with the heavy burden of fear lying flatly on his chest, creating an immense sense of pain in his heart. He had no doubt that he did the right thing, the bastard deserved every broken bone in his body and more. If anything in Spike's way of thinking he got off too lightly, he could never stomach a man that hurt a woman, they were the scum of the earth, evil soulless things.  
  
He returned with Imogen, placed her in the back baby seat and returned to the driver's seat, gunning the engine, he made his way out of the university, and headed home, with two of the most important people in his world. He only hoped that he hadn't done irrevocable damage to an already fragile beginning, of what he hoped was his future.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
He pulled into his driveway, after a seemingly endless drive home from the university, it mirrored the drive in. Both had sat in silence, Buffy tried to hold her tears back, Spike was unsure of what to say to her. They both got out in the garage, as soon as he'd pulled the car in, Spike retrieved a sleeping Imogen from the back, as Buffy stood silently next to the car.  
  
Taking no chances, Spike turned on the remote on his car keys and shut the garage door, with the baby on one arm, he took Buffy's hand in the other and led her into his house. Leading her into the lounge room, he motioned her to sit, moving into the study next door. He placed a sleeping Imogen in a bassinet, pulling the blankets around her sleeping form. Brushing the baby's head, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and let go the fingers that had curled around his own in comfort.  
  
Spike found Buffy sitting on the sofa, just staring at the walls, not looking at anything just staring into space, a glazed look in her eyes. It was as if she wasn't even in the room with him. He moved to her side, and took a huge risk. He moved close to her side and just enveloped her into his embrace, as she welcomed him, she leaned back into his arms, her head resting on his chest. Slowly he gently rocked her in comfort, and gave her a safe haven from whatever was haunting her mind, he doubted it had anything to do with him, at this point.  
  
Gently he combed her hair through his hands, staring as his fingers separated each strand, hypnotised by his own movements. Buffy slowly moved her head from under his chin, and just looked at him, really stared at the man that lay beside her on the sofa. A soft "Thank you", passed her lips as she placed one of her hands on his cheeks, and applied a gentle pressure, gravitating his head towards her own, in a soft exchange of kisses, that wasn't demanding or full of desire.  
  
Just soft touches of reassurance, need and longing for him.  
  
He just as gently returned her kisses, rejoicing in them, as she demonstrated her need for him. He accepted them with joy and grace, he'd never seen this strong sense of emotion from her, it was laced with trust and he hoped love. His worst fear was that she would out rightly reject him, and fear him like she obviously did Riley. He'd never had been one for physical violence, but this time he just couldn't have helped himself. What had also struck him was the strength of the rage that had come from within him, especially when he felt she was threatened.  
  
The need to mark her as his for the world to see, had come hurling out of him as he warned the punk, to understand that she was 'his', and no one else's. He'd never felt such possessiveness about any other human being before, so much that it scared him to the core. He probably could have done more than a few broken bones, he could have done the boy some fatal harm. It become apparent to him that his feelings for the young woman that he held in his arms were becoming more than just love.  
  
It was becoming an obsession.  
  
A/N ~~~ Go on if you've read this far spare a few moments and blow me away with a review ~~~ FEED ME!!!! FEED ME!!!! 


	6. For The Birds

~~~Chapter Eleven~~~  
  
~~For the Birds~~  
  
A week had passed since the incident between Riley and Spike, Buffy had been relieved in a way that Spike had dealt with him, and horrified at the drastic way that he had. She knew that he'd meant well, and was only defending her in someway, but what scared her more, was the outburst from him that had followed the attack. He made it clear in no uncertain terms that he classed her as 'his', and fundamentally any male that came too close was to understand 'she belonged to him'. In one way it thrilled her, that he felt this way about her, his protectiveness was alluring to her instinctual self, but it terrified her that he felt such a strong infatuation for her, even though she suspected that it was more than that.  
  
The intensity in his voice as he warned the other man off, was laced with a threat besides his obvious words. Buffy was certain that Riley would not be bothering her again, especially now that Spike knew who he was. He would stay away. Yet this didn't take away the deep concern she felt inside about the intensity of his feelings for her, she just didn't know if she could deal with them, this was not what she'd expected from him at all. She hoped that it was just his way of wanting to protect her, from what he perceived as a personal threat to her. The only way that she'd find out was to go and speak with him, but that may be an impossible task, her mother had successfully placed barriers in front of her even going to see him.  
  
She could no longer escape out her window, her mother would always home before and after university, and somehow she always knew the where bout's of her daughter. Buffy had to be honest with herself, as up to this point it had given her an excuse to avoid the discussion she knew needed to happen between herself and Spike. She devised a plan that would get her out of the house, and she hoped wouldn't break her neck, as she made her way down to the basement.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The events of that day weighed heavily on Spike's mind for the week following. They consumed him with fear and dread. He'd never reacted like that, even when he'd been provoked by another, he was usually calm and had never struck out like that before. He'd panicked when he had seen Riley approaching Buffy, his primitive instincts took over, one of looking after the thing he cherished, and the other of someone threatening something he considered his own. He could still feel the emotions rage throughout his body even now, various thoughts and feeling clouded his mind, and he knew that he doubted that he would have reacted any other way.  
  
The intensity of the feelings that made him do what he did surfaced over and over again. He just wanted the world to know that she belonged to him, and he wouldn't tolerate any threat to her. He acknowledged to himself that in someway, it was a little unhealthy for him to feel this way, when he wasn't sure how or what she felt for him. If anything this event would either propel them forward drastically, or have its own 'Death March' as its anthem.  
  
He wanted her with such an abandon, such craving, it was new and phenomenal to him, he'd never even felt this way with his wife. They'd been school sweethearts, stayed together through college until they'd eventually married, she'd had been full of life and vigour, but had never inspired this response from him.  
  
Another thing that worried him was what Buffy was going to do now. Would she walk away with his need of her, or would she embrace him and all his idiosyncrasies? He just had to know, and the only way that he would find out was by talking to her. Yet she'd managed to elude him the last week, not sure through her own choosing, or hindered by her mother. Joyce still considered him a 'no go' area, and Buffy's hadn't seemed to be able too either get passed her mother, or hadn't the inclination want too, and that's what scared him the most.  
  
He knew that he had to talk to her, and he had to do it tonight. Walking into Imogen's room he made sure that she was asleep, and that the baby monitor was on, taking the mobile parent unit, he clipped it to his belt as he made his way to the garage.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Buffy climbed onto the chair that she had laid against the wall of the basement, as she forced the little window open that would be her means of escape. She quietly as she could shoved the window open, which lead to the side path that surrounded the house, it groaned and creaked under the pressure of her hand. Finally budging the window open, she squeezed her small frame outside, grasping onto the concrete to pull herself out, grazing her hands as she went. Landing on the pavement, she wiped her hands on her jeans trying to clean them as much as she could, she stopped as she heard a soft male voice swear, and cry in pain.  
  
She ambled around the corner of the house to find a ladder laying flat against the side of the house out of site, leant up against the second story roof. The male figure was clad in black, he seemed stuck, as a hand tried to untangle their shirt from what appeared to be the ladder, only resulting in tearing the fabric. But the hair was a dead give away, its platinum colour stood out and the customary 'Sod it!' that followed, could only be Spike.  
  
Buffy remained quiet as she watched the amusing sight before her, she was enjoying seeing him trying to sneak into her bedroom like a teenage boy. It was one of the funniest things she had seen for along time, and the smile across her face spread into a soft giggle, she tried to muffle it with her hand. As hard as she tried it reached Spike's ears, he whipped his head around to see who found his predicament so funny.  
  
Spike climbed down, after he untangled himself from the offending ladder, and stood in front of Buffy. He eyed her with some suspicion, and drew his hand through his hair, embarrassed at being caught trying to sneak into her room. He suspected that her appearance so late in the night was no coincidence.  
  
"Spike what are you doing here?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Out for a walk."  
  
"Up a ladder, against my house, in the middle of the night?"  
  
"Just bird watching."  
  
"So I noticed." Buffy kicked her heel against the tree that stood next to the house, which had been trimmed recently, disturbing the cigarette butts that lay there, "Couldn't you have just behaved normally and come through the front door like most people?"  
  
"Me, normal? You must have the wrong person, Luv!" Spike cocked his head to the side, and just grinned.  
  
"Why do I always have to like the strange ones?" Buffy mumbled to herself.  
  
"You calling me strange?"  
  
"No Spike. More like deranged! What if my mom caught you?"  
  
"Well she hasn't! What are you doing out so late anyway? Looking for anything in particular?" Spike moved a step closer to Buffy and placed his hand on her shoulder, running the tips of his fingers down her arm, ending at her hand, lacing his fingers within her own.  
  
"Stop that!" Buffy quietly asked stepping away from him.  
  
"Come on Luv, after all I wasn't exactly hiding?"  
  
"Hiding? Huh!"  
  
"What the ladder give me away? Or was it the black clothing? What about...."  
  
"No!" came forcefully out of her throat.  
  
" 'No!' What type of answer is that? You haven't even heard the question?"  
  
"Look my mom and sister are home! So the 'no' is for 'no not here!'"  
  
"Why not?" Spike looked at her concerned that she was about to turn and run from him. He knew that he could not let this opportunity to speak with her, slide through his hands. "Is it the fear of getting caught?"  
  
"Reason number one, on a very long list!"  
  
"It needn't be an obstacle." Spike attempted to take her hand, and lead her away from the house, in the direction of his own.  
  
"Spike I mean it!"  
  
"I hear you're serious, and so am I!"  
  
"Come on Spike!" Buffy gently resisted his pull away from her house, she was beginning to lose the nerve that got her this far.  
  
"Buffy, lets be honest here, please sweet heart just for a minute!" Spike stopped pulling her hand and turned towards her, standing as close to her as he knew she would be comfortable with, "I want you. You want me. I cannot go inside. So.......so maybe it's time you came outside?"  
  
"Outside?"  
  
"Yeah, outside. Just look at the stars, sit on the porch out the back of mine, and talk." Spike nudged her hand with a gentle pulling motion with his own, tilting his head towards his house, "Please Buffy. I think that we really need to talk?"  
  
"Yes we do!"  
  
"So we agree on something, finally! But not here Buffy, not where we could be interrupted any minute. Especially by your mom, and little sis, we don't want an audience, do we luv?"  
  
Buffy moved past him, her hand still entwined with his own, she led the way back to his porch and sat herself down on one of the wicker chairs that sat there between another single seat, and a double seat. Spike stood on the stairs that lead to the porch, and just admired the sight that sat in one of his chairs, like she owned it and belonged there. He wanted her to feel welcome, to feel at home, to give her a sense of belonging, yet he just didn't know how to do that. He did the first thing that came to mind, and asked her a question, "Want a hot chocky luv?"  
  
"Hmmmmmmm, chocky!!"  
  
"Truly a way to a woman's heart, mind and soul. Offer her chocolate, hey?" Spikes mischievous smirk returned, he continued his climb up the stairs, into the kitchen and turn on the stove to make the drinks.  
  
Buffy took the time just to relax and allow herself to gather the strength, that she knew she'd need once the unavoidable conversation about them came to pass. She let herself resolve that she really wanted this relationship with Spike, to grow into something special, most of all free herself, and give herself up too everything that she wanted. Yet she knew that they had some serious issues to resolve, first and foremost the event with Riley and just exactly what he wanted from her.  
  
She knew that it was 'all of her', he would demand nothing less, but his actions over the last few days concerned her greatly, she was frightened that it would just be too much for her to handle, if she was true to herself. With that thought she came to the realisation that, this is what is really came down to, the truth. They had to be open and honest with each other, or they didn't stand a hope in hell. What really mattered, and what would she hoped could make it all happen.  
  
The truth. 


	7. Moments of Truth

Thanks to my Beta readers Kirsty and Darcy, for doing this long chapter, especially when they both have extremely busy lives. Hugs to you both!!!  
  
~~~Chapter Twelve~~~  
  
~~Moments of Truth~~  
  
Spike moved around his kitchen, making the drinks as quickly as he could, he wanted to be fast so that she didn't have time to disappear. He knew that they had some serious issues to cover, and he hoped that she would be receptive to what he had to say. They were at a point in their relationship where it was make or break, he thought so anyway. To tell the truth he didn't know what to think anymore. One minute she reciprocated his emotions, and in some cases, he thought elated herself in them. Other times she seemed horrified by his reactions, for example the 'Riley incident.' He hoped that she had just reacted to the situation and not to his actions. He knew that he had probably over reacted to them, but at that stage he was acting on pure instinct, and protectiveness towards her.  
  
As the milk warmed on the sink, on a gentle heat, he quickly went up stairs to check on Imogen, he found her quietly playing with her feet yet again. He gently ran his hand over her cap of hair, and a finger down her cheek, Imogen reacted by sticking her tongue out at her father. She released her grip on one foot and clasped his finger, holding on tight.  
  
"That's right Little Bit, you have your Daddy wrapped around your little finger! But you know Sweetness you're not the only one!" Spike told his daughter.  
  
Gently releasing her grasp on his finger, she closed her eyes and drifted off to the beginning of sleep. Certain that she was on her way, Spike turned and left his daughter, quietly closing the door behind him, he went downstairs to complete his task of making drinks for the adults. He took the baby/parent monitor off his belt, and placed it onto the kitchen bench, grasping the mugs by the handle he headed for the back door, and what he hoped was his future.  
  
"Hey!" Buffy greeted Spike, out stretching a hand to take one of the drinks. She took a sip and placed it down on the wicker table before her, "Nice. Thank you."  
  
"Yep, cannot beat good old hot chocolate on a nice night." Spike took a gulp of the hot drink, and sat himself in the two-seater wicker chair beside Buffy's single seater.  
  
Taking her hand that rest on the arm of the chair, he turned it over studying the lines on her palm, remembering a moment in the gazebo. Spike took her palm and lay a gentle kiss upon it's surface. He traced the creases with his tongue, teasing the skin and creating the gentlest suction with his lips, uplifting her skin further into his own mouth, allowing him to devour her. Buffy's intake of breath expressed the reaction he wanted from her, he looked deeply into her eye's, seeing the passion begin to burn, mixed with the insecurities she was feeling at the moment. Tenderly he slowed down his administrations, and released his hold on her hand with his mouth, but he did not let her hand go, instead he enveloped her hand in a tight grip, hoping that he could give her some of the strength he had.  
  
Silence hung between the two, it screamed to be relieved of its burden, waiting for words to break it. Buffy took her mug again, breathing over the lip, cooling the top layer of her drink, taking another sip, she lay it down, she looked around at her surroundings, taking in the view of his backyard, full of toys for Imogen, and the lawn that needed mowing. Yet not looking at the man before her, she was a mix of scared and embarrassed, she just was so unsure of herself, it made her shy and reserved.  
  
Spike's mouth opened a few times, trying to engage the young woman before him, but he wanted Buffy to take the initiative, he knew that the development of the relationship depended on what she wanted, if she wanted it at all. He scolded himself, he knew that she was in it with him in some degree or another, but how much she had never quite revealed, she'd always keep that bit hidden deep inside herself. Maybe that was the point where the conversation needed to begin, in the middle, on common ground. Taking a deep breath Spike finally broke the silence.  
  
"Buffy, we need to talk, and I mean really talk. Talk about where we are going, and what we want from one another." Spike gave her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze, and waited for her to say something, but Buffy just looked down at the hand that held her own, "Please sweetheart, talk to me!"  
  
"I don't know what to say."  
  
"Don't know, or just a little scared to?"  
  
"Both."  
  
"Then why don't I start, because I know what I want, and what I want is you." Spike lifted his other hand, placing it under her jaw, he lifted her face so that they made eye contact, the fear shone in her eyes, clear as day, "We need to be open and honest with one another, you can say whatever you like to me. But we need to say something to each other, as much as we are afraid what the other may say, we need to say it. Let's start with the simple things."  
  
"Simple things?"  
  
"Yeah luv, like I want you, and you want me, well I think that you do. Do you?"  
  
"Yes." The voice was quiet and just audible.  
  
"See that was simple. Next question. Do you need me?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then say it, tell me you want me, tell me you need me. Say it and give it meaning, give it life." Spike brushed his hand over her cheek, pulling her closer to him as he placed the gentlest just-touching-her kiss on her mouth, she could taste him on her lips, "Say it."  
  
"I want and need you." Buffy replied tenderly, as she returned his kiss with one of her own, "But I am afraid."  
  
"Of what Buffy? Tell me. Make me understand."  
  
"Myself and how I feel. Of letting myself feel and letting myself go."  
  
"You don't have to be afraid. I'd accept anything you want to give me, be anything you want me to be, be here for you. I want you to set the pace, the rules, the boundaries everything. I don't want to lose you, give you reason to go, I need you that much. I'm willing to do anything to make this work. I have never felt such strong feelings like this before." He took a deep breath as he blurted it all out, "I need and I want you that much Buffy."  
  
"Words are fine Spike, but would you be able to make them real. Would you really let me make the rules and the boundaries?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yes, you know I would. Well I hope that you know that I would."  
  
"You made it obvious to the world the other day, that I was 'yours', and that I 'belonged to you', that no other man could come near me! So how can I set the boundaries, when you already made them clear to the world. How do I know that I can talk to another man, without you lashing out on him? How do I know that you will let me be me?"  
  
"Buffy?" Spike's voice was full of distress, hurt and uncertainty, as his head drooped in disbelief.  
  
"You said that I could say anything, and we could be honest with each other!" Buffy voiced her concern to him.  
  
"I know, but....."  
  
"But what William, we need to clear the air, before we even think of where this is going and what we want." Buffy leaned into him." I do want to be with you, but I need to be sure. I need to know that it is the right thing. I don't think that I could survive this is if it fell apart."  
  
" I get it, I do! But I am also sure about you, about us. I know that maybe I over reacted with Riley, but I thought you were in danger, I wanted to protect you! That's all I can say about that incident, I wanted to make the bastard pay for what he'd done to you. I cannot stand a man that hurts a woman, and maybe I did warn him off, but that was for him, to make him stay away from you. I don't want you to ever be afraid of me, not for any reason. I would always let you be you, and I would never stop anyone from having friends of any sex!"  
  
Buffy listened to what Spike had to say for himself, she could hear his words and the sincerity that was laced thickly within them. She knew that it was a start, but as he continued towards the end of his speech, she turned tomato red in embarrassment. It would appear that Spike had hit another delicate subject. Sex. It also didn't go unnoticed by him, he released a gentle chuckled.  
  
"Another fear Luv?"  
  
"Fear, what on earth are you talking about?"  
  
"Well I mentioned the 's' word!" Spike's grin gained momentum and spread across his face as it turned into a smirk, "The bit about wanting and needing Buffy, has more than one connotation you know!"  
  
"I know!!" Buffy spluttered her words, as she went a deeper shade of red.  
  
"Nothin' to be afraid of Buffy." Spike's voice was so quiet that it just touched her eardrum, she just heard it, "I'd never do anything to you that you wouldn't want me to. Never cross any line that you didn't want to, that I promise you. You never have to be afraid of me!! Never!!"  
  
"Never?"  
  
"You set the rules, and the boundaries, I'll never cross them. I'll never give you reason to be hurt!" The words spilled out of his mouth, the oath and promise he was making to her, "I know the meaning of 'no' Buffy!"  
  
"I...I..." Buffy was too dumbfounded to reply to Spike's word's.  
  
"Buffy you have to trust me! I need you and want to be with you so much that it hurts my very being. Living next door is heaven and hell, so good to be close and so bad that it burns when your not here."  
  
'Oh....I do trust you"  
  
"Do you?"  
  
"You know I do?" Buffy answered him, " I do!"  
  
"No, I don't Buffy! I know that you want me and feel something for me. That you're frightened that I'll hit some other male person for just looking at you, and that you're frightened of us being together. That bit I understand, but trust is another matter. I would not jeopardise anything we have, you need to understand that, I need to know that you trust me. Feelings matter Buffy, but trust is one of the most fundamental of them all, if you don't trust me, then how can we have a future?"  
  
"Okay let's put it simply, despite some of my misgivings. I need you. I want you. I have feelings for you." Buffy took his face in her hands, holding it in place with a tight grip, she looked vicariously into his eyes, and said, "I trust you!"  
  
Taking the lead, she took the first step, placing a soft kiss on his lips, tracing the outline of his mouth with her tongue, tasting his skin, enveloping it with her own. Gently persuading him to open his mouth to hers, gaining access to it she continued to taste his mouth with her own. Deepening the contact between the two, she encircled the flesh within with her tongue, savouring every morsel that she encountered. Taking her invitation, he returned her adoration of the kiss by joining in the moment with her, tasting her on himself, feeling her own soft flesh. He deepened the kiss until they could feel it rise in intensity, they both felt the heat rise and burn between them.  
  
Drawing her closer, he gently pulled on her body, until she lifted herself up and sat on his lap. He allowed her to fully embrace him, she encircled him with her arms around his neck and back, she held onto him as if for dear life. He inturn entwined one of his hands in her hair, and around her back, with a firm grip, like he never wanted to let her go. They continued to prolong each kiss, as they enfold **don't know what that means?** each other, mouth on mouth, heat on heat, desire through desire, coming only up to take a breath, before diving back into their ocean of craving.  
  
A soft wail came from the house interrupting the two lovers, Spike whipped his head away from her as he heard Imogens cries from the monitor on the kitchen bench. Buffy untangled herself from him and stood up, allowing him to move out of the wicker chair. Not letting her out of his sight, he once again grasped her hand and led her into the house, closing the backdoor behind him. He moved up the staircase with Buffy in tow, he went to his daughter's room to find her howling in slight distress, with what would seem a need of a nappy change, the smell in the air was a dead giveaway. Moving swiftly, and with much practice, Spike attended to his daughter's needs with care and tenderness, he gently soothed her with soft lullabies, and reassuring kisses on her cheek.  
  
Buffy stood in awe of him as he took care of Imogen, she could see the gentleness and tenderness that came out of him with the people he cared about. She realised that maybe his reaction to Riley, had come from the need to protect and care for those he felt deeply about. She could feel her insecurity mix with the need to make something with him and his family, she wanted to belong in this family unit, and she wanted a life that included them, both of them.  
  
Taking the initiative, Buffy took Imogen from her father, she continued with the lullaby he'd been singing to her, even though she could hardly remember the tune she tried. As she was missing half the words, Spike sung a few octaves lower to help her remember. He looked as Buffy gently rocked his baby in her arms, soothing the youngster, sending her off to sleep. Buffy could feel the baby start to stop wiggling, her breath becoming rhythmic and slow as sleep enveloped the infant. She moved with Imogen in her arms, over to the cot and placed her in it, laying her at the end, and covering her with the blanket as the baby lay on her back. This time Imogen grasped Buffy's finger in a sign of contentment and trust. Buffy could feel all her insides become fuzzy and excited at the baby's reaction to her, at least there was one Benson she had no trouble communicating with, and she could not even talk. This very concept came out and smacked Buffy right on the head. Yes they both needed to talk, but words could only express so much, and she finally got the obvious staring her right in the face. She just did not know if it was the right thing to do, or if she was just to scared to take the next step, but she needed to take some risks.  
  
Some risks were worth taking, and Spike was a risk she wanted to take. She finally realised, after all the soul searching and insecurities, that she had allowed herself to hide in the dark for so long with nothing but the chains she'd shackled herself down with, and she'd keep herself there and it was as simple as that. What made it hard for her was that, she hadn't even been able to see the obvious, or didn't want to. It was safer to keep herself locked away in her doubt and self pity, than face real life, especially the one that stood before her. It wasn't exactly how she would have envisaged it, instant family and all, but it was what she wanted and what she needed.  
  
In that instant she made her decision. She turned to see Spike leaning against the change table with the biggest grin on his face, he was taking in the sight of the two of them, his arms were crossed and he looked like a very happy 'pig in mud'. Buffy gently untwined her finger from the baby's hand, letting the little hand rest on her tummy. She took a few steps away from the cot and moved towards him, where he entangled himself bodily around her just, hugging her close, kissing her lightly on the forehead. Buffy rested her head on his chest, turning her head slightly just to look at the sleeping form in the cot.  
  
"She loves you, I can tell" Spike's muffled voice came from the cap of her hair.  
  
"And how would you know, mister?"  
  
"What, besides being her dad and all?"  
  
"Smart arse!"  
  
"Smart, maybe? Arse, hmmmmmmm....I'll leave that up to you sweetheart!" Spike gently swatted her behind, "But no. She'll only do that with people she loves."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Wrap her fingers around yours. Funny kid, but she'll only do it with certain people. Reck'on this little angel recognises another gentle soul when she sees one. Or maybe she's just telling her old man not to let this one get away." Spike tightened his hold on Buffy, "come on luv, time for you to go home, or your mum will get worried."  
  
"No."  
  
"No, what kind of answer is that luv?"  
  
"No, as in I don't want to leave."  
  
"But your mum, sweetheart, she'll get worried!" Spike's voice became laced with concern.  
  
"Spike, if she wakes up and finds me gone, she only needs to guess once where I am, true? So I say 'no', because I want to stay.....stay the night."  
  
"Buffy......please luv, I don't quite think that we .....we.... you... are ready for that, sweetheart. We need to take things slowly, and comfortably, you know, be sure?"  
  
"Spike, I know that I'm not ready for it all, but just because I cannot have the main course yet, doesn't mean that I don't want to nibble on the appetisers does it?"  
  
Spike was a little taken back and elated at her words, he shot his head down as quickly as the words were out of her mouth, and stopped any more escaping out of it with his own kiss. He placed her arms around his neck, grasped her waist and physically lifted her out of the baby's room and into the hallway. Pulling away for just a moment, he closed the door and returned to her. He seared her mouth with a blazing kiss, that heightened with their ever-growing need for one anther, it intensified with heat and desire as it grew in strength and momentum. Buffy could stand it no more, she pulled her head away from his to catch her breath, she looked and saw the clear burning naked desire for her in his eye's.  
  
"If I say 'stop' will you?"  
  
"Do you trust me?"  
  
"Yes" Her reply was so quiet, that it was as if the oxygen never passed her vocal cords.  
  
"Then you have your answer." With that Spike pulled away from her, took a step back, and put out a single arm extending it to her in invitation. She looked into those blue eye's that were bursting to the seams with emotion, desire and need.  
  
She took his hand, and let him lead her to his bedroom.  
  
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Both still fully clothed, he lay beside Buffy on his bed, snuggled next to her, letting her get comfortable with both of them being there. Slowly he passed his hand over her hair, giving her reassuring caresses, listening to her slow breathing. Every now and then he kissed her softly and tenderly on the mouth. He made no demands on her, he just allowed her to feel comfortable with what he was doing, previous times it had been the deep burn of desire that scared her off. However, this was more, it meant more to both of them, neither wanted to mess this up, and both were caught up in the luxury of just being together, making promises of the future together  
  
Contentment rushed over Buffy, as Spike accepted what she was willing to give, it showed his level of commitment to her, and she knew he would keep his word. She could feel herself begin to want to experience more than just a few kisses, she wanted to feel his hands on her, she craved the touch of his hands on her flesh. Taking the initiative, she bent her neck up, and kissed his jaw, following the outline of the curve of the bone, tasting the grooves of his chin with her tongue. Spike moved his hand around to the base of her skull, he applied a touch of pressure to make her hold her head still, and moved his searching lips to her own. They opened their mouths to each other, and plunged into a deep and breath stopping kiss. They slowly glided along each other's inner flesh, tasting each other's breath and sounds of desire that permeated from their union.  
  
They continued the exploration of their desire for each other, enjoying this moment in time. The expression of trust that Buffy was showing to Spike, elated his senses even further, heightening his pleasure and feelings of want for her. Buffy felt more life in this moment in time than she had for a long time. She was euphoric, not only from being with him, but the fact she could feel safe and loved at the same time. It was a second chance for both of them and they were revelling in it, they allowed their emotions to grow in intensity, and burn deep into their senses.  
  
Buffy allowed herself to go that little further, despite the millisecond of fear she felt, she took Spike's hand within her own and laid it bare on her breast. He pulled his head back, his eye's filled with questions, worry that she was okay, and concern that he would scare her away. She could see him swallow deeply, his Adam's apple bobbed up and down, and his eye's brightened as she responded to his silent questions with a small smile, and a gentle kiss. She lightly applied pressure to the hand that held her breast, moving her hand, so his gently moulded her own flesh, she could hear his sharp intake of breath, as he took the hint.  
  
They changed tempo, Spike moved his hand away after some time had passed, and Buffy hadn't told him to cease his administrations to her body. He slowly drew his hand down her shirt, and lifted the hem up, running his hand along her abdomen, until it lay just under her bra. He watched the reaction on her face and in her eye's, looking for any sign of fear or rejection. Instead, they blazed with the raw emotion of craving, and the yearning for more. Taking it slowly, he traced the outline of her bra with his index finger, as he bent down and kissed her, tracing her mouth with his tongue, imitating the movement of that of his finger. Opening her mouth to him once again she deepened the kiss, Spike pushed the fabric away from her breast, exposing it to his hand. He held the weight in his hand, feeling the shape, and the soft texture of her flesh. Running the peak between his fingers, he gently squeezed until it formed a stiff peak, Buffy responded with a hushed moan of pleasure, as she felt the coil within her tighten in reaction to him.  
  
"Buffy tell me....." Spike mumbled to her.  
  
"No it's all good! I'm okay.....please...I'm.....okay...so far." Buffy's words stumbled out of her mouth, she didn't want it to stop just yet, it felt to good, and most importantly she felt alive!  
  
Trying to stay within her comfort zone, Spike gently rolled her onto her back, he paused to see if she was still alright. She placed a hand on his jaw, running her thumb along his lips, until he took it into his mouth, suckling on it. Buffy felt a strike of burning desire race through her body, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, a rush of air escaped her lungs, resulting in a 'uuuuurrggghhhhh' come from her lips.  
  
Spike pulled the hem of her shirt slowly up, at the same time bending his body down to place kisses behind his hand, tickling her abdominal muscles as they tightened and contracted under his lips. Reaching down with both hands he undid her clasp, holding the wisps of fabric together, baring her breasts to his gaze. He tenderly massaged them, applying feather touch pressure to both peaks, watching her reaction to him in her eyes as they fired with hurtling desire.  
  
Taking it one step forward he slid himself down her body, and lifted himself on his fore arms, he took one of the tips of the peaks into his mouth, and suckled it within the depth of his mouth, sending sparks of electricity down her energized nerve cells. He moved his mouth from breast to breast, giving equal time to each peak, stimulating every cell of her flesh, and giving reverence to every inch of skin within his reach.  
  
Spike moved his hand down her abdomen, ceasing his movements at the tab of her pants, he suddenly stopped when Buffy abruptly grabbed his hair and pulled hard. Her face said enough for him to stop what he was doing, and gently pull her into his arms, he reclined back onto the bed, lifting her shirt over her exposed body. Spike lay himself next to her, and kissed her with such a gentle passion that it brought a single tear to her eye, it slid down her cheek and he followed it lapping up the water with butterfly kisses, until he had consumed all the sadness and fear it contained.  
  
"It's alright! You're safe, I am never going to hurt you sweetheart, never. I promise you, never!"  
  
"I know...but I want..."  
  
"So do I Buffy, but one day at a time! Let's make it last, let's enjoy every moment we have like this. Until you're ready." Spike reassured the girl that lay in the bed beside him, "You know, waiting makes it even a more delectable sweet, it heightens the pleasure, and we could learn to draw it out for hours."  
  
"But what about you?"  
  
"What about me? Buffy it doesn't matter to me, having you here is one of the biggest turn ons I can have, hearing you moan under me makes me want you even more. But on your terms luv, or not at all. It's no fun when only one's having all the pleasure, and that we both had!"  
  
"But you." Buffy was cut off.  
  
"But me nothing, I want you yes, but I want you to be with me 100%. Hearing you gasp, feeling you shudder under me, having you hold onto me for dear life. That's more than enough for me."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But nothing, end of conversation. Time for rest, relaxation and sleep." Spike smoothed a hand over her head, "And whose bed will you be sleeping in tonight, Miss Goldilocks?"  
  
"Papa Bear's and that's Ms Goldilocks to you thank you!" Buffy swatted Spike on the chest, joining in one his joke.  
  
"What about your mum?"  
  
"Like I said earlier, she knows where I am. It wouldn't take Einstein to work that out!" Buffy bottom lip hit her chin, "Not tonight Spike, please let's just enjoy tonight, and worry about it in the morning. Anyway mom has to get used to it, I think I'm going to be here a lot from now on!"  
  
Spike gathered a blanket from the end of the bed, and attempted to cover them up, Buffy pulled it out of the way. Making her way out of the bed, she went to his draws, she pulled out an old black t-shirt, ~does he wear anything else! major shopping spree happening!~ she thought to herself, making her way to the en-suite, she shyly shut the door. Spike heard her throw something on the bathroom floor, mostly likely her clothes, and watched her emerge dressed in his shirt that just hugged her hips. Quickly she ran across the room, and dived under the covers. Taking her actions as a cue, Spike rumbled through his top draws looking for something to cover himself, finding only a pair of soft silk boxers that his mother sent him a million Christmas' ago, he staggered into the en-suite himself, and put them on in a hurry. He slowly open the door, and walked out, opening the window to let the night breeze in, then he turned the remaining lamp off. Buffy howled in laughter as the light went off. Spike stood bathed in moonlight, shaking his head in bewilderment, as he struggled to understand what she found so funny.  
  
"Look down at your boxer's!!" Buffy said between howls of laughter.  
  
An eerie glow filled the room from his boxer's front, as words formed over the fabric....  
  
BITE ME 


	8. Facing the Music

Thanks to Darcy and Kirsty for another fab job beta reading it for me!!!  
  
~~~Chapter Thirteen~~~  
  
~~Facing the Music~~  
  
Buffy's hand slid over the hand that held her close, in sleep his facial features softened as he took shallow slow breaths, she watched the rise and fall of his chest. She'd slept for a short time, but too many ideas and thoughts permeated through her subconsciousness to let her have any sleep. The memory of what had gone on between them earlier burned in her mind and dominated her thoughts. Feeling her restlessness, Spike pulled her closer to him and possessively laid his leg over her own, bringing her closer to his warmth, it was like being covered in a warm cocoon, as the blankets covered them both. Buffy snuggled in even closer.  
  
"Shut your eyes luv. Try and get some sleep." Spike whispered in her ear, he must have awoken to her slight wiggling motions as she tried to get more comfortable in the bed earlier on, and faked sleep!  
  
"Have you been asleep at all?"  
  
'Well if a certain person would stop wiggling and waking up other certain person's, then maybe we both might get some sleep."  
  
"Do you want me to go?" Buffy whispered.  
  
"Not on your life Summers. You're here to stay, and stay you will. You'll just have to get used to me sweetheart, in the same bed as you." Spike placed a small kiss on her lips, "Or are you uncomfortable?"  
  
"No, I can't sleep that's all. My mind has decided to have a D&M with itself."  
  
"D&M sounds fun, can I join in." Spike's laughter filled the room.  
  
"Hey you!" Buffy gently smacked him on the arm, "Deep and meaningful, thank you!"  
  
"What no fun!" Spike continued to plague her.  
  
'Arrrrgggghhhhh!!! Men!!!" Buffy tried to disentangle herself from the sheet and the man that surrounded her, but he gently hung onto her.  
  
"What Buffy, explain it to this mere male?" Spike let his hold of her go, letting her decide wether she wanted to stay or retreat, "Please luv, help me out here!"  
  
Moving back into the shape of his body, she allowed him to hold her again, she supposed that what was worrying her probably needed to be discussed sooner or later. Now just didn't feel like the right time, yet would anytime be the right time. Taking a deep breath she allowed all her fears and worries to be aired.  
  
"I'm worried about my mom, and what she's going to do. I just know that she's gonna freak out at this. "Buffy hid her face from him, but still she continued, "This is what I want, and I want her to accept us, you know, together."  
  
"So do I luv, but she's just trying to do what she thinks is right by you. She does love you, but.....maybe we need to make her understand. Let her see that we are good for one another."  
  
"I know that, but it's more than that, you know she's worried about our ages, my studies, and....."  
  
"And what?" Spike lifted her head, seeing the concern in her eyes, "What Buffy?"  
  
"Imogen."  
  
"Imogen?" Spike reflected on her words briefly, before it sunk in what she meant, "You mean me being a single parent?"  
  
"Yeah, you know add water, and voila instant family!" A small smile flashed across the young woman's face.  
  
"Does it bother you?" Spike asked her, "The fact that I have a daughter. That I am a single parent, and Imogen comes with the package?"  
  
"I....I...um. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know that I care deeply for you, and I do care for Imogen, but I don't know if I could be a step in mom."  
  
"Buffy I'm not asking you to be her mum, but if we are together, you have to play a part in her life, because she is my life. You have to accept both of us."  
  
"I know that, and I know you're what I want. Imogen is a bonus, but I'm a student Spike not a mother. I want to play an active role in her life, but I don't know what you expect from me?"  
  
"All I ask is that you consider her, when you consider me. We're a package deal Summers. I just want you to be with us, nothing more and nothing less. Yet you must realise that in the future she'll come to rely on you, because you are a part of me. But that's down the track luv, for now just accept her for what she is, my child and my responsibility."  
  
"Does that mean that you get to change all the.the um...'nappies'?" Buffy enquired, injecting some humour into the subject matter.  
  
"Something like that. But I expect one or two to be changed pet!" Spike grinned at her ability to make light of the subject, but they still had some issues to deal with and there was no time like the present, "Besides the nappy issues, does my age bother you?"  
  
"Wow, straight in for the kill!" Buffy pulled back a little from him, "But no it doesn't bother me. If anything, it is an additional benefit, and one thing I'm sure I can cope with."  
  
"Additional benefit?"  
  
"Hmmmmm..lotsa experience!" Buffy grinned at her companion, "And they're usually house trained!"  
  
"Miss Summers!" Spikes fake look of shock made her giggle, and relieved some of the tension in the room, "My apologies, Ms summers, please!"  
  
"No, but seriously Spike, our age difference doesn't factor. Well, maybe if you were as old as my father!"  
  
"Hmmmm. So I have one redeeming quality then?"  
  
"Two, age and experience!"  
  
"You forgot the house training!" Spike leant down into her, "Did I mention that I'm a great kisser?" Taking the initiative he broke the conversation with a group of soft gentle kisses, not demanding, just joining their two lips together. Deepening the kiss, he opened her lips with his tongue, running it along the tip of her lips, inviting it into his own mouth, to savour the taste within him. Slowly sliding against each, taking in the other's texture of their flesh. Just enjoying the moment together, they continued until each was breathless and caught up in the moment, taking the comfort that each offered in their embrace.  
  
"You Mr Benson, are overstating the obvious!" Buffy said between gulps of breath, "But let's no get too carried away please!"  
  
"Spoil sport!"  
  
"Maybe, but we still have some issues to cover." Buffy extracted herself a little from his hold, "Please Spike lets get this over and done with."  
  
"Okay next topic. But it won't be as fun!"  
  
"I know, but it needs to be discussed."  
  
'Okay, I'm all ears!" Spike kissed her one last time for good measure to demonstrate what she would be missing, "You have my full and utter attention. For now, anyway."  
  
"My studies. Mom is having a cow that there being an 'us', will somehow interfere in my studies."  
  
"Poppycock! I want you to study, there is no problem there, and you know that! I would never take time away from you to study!" Spike looked at her in disbelief, "Buffy, if 'we' interfere with your studying in anyway, then we take a break. Your studies are important Luv! I want you to succeed in whatever you want to do."  
  
"I know that, but mom's worried that it will." Buffy tried to explain her mother's concerns.  
  
"I hear you pet. But your mum has to understand that with that element in your life, she has my total support. Actually I expect you to continue, and I won't accept anything less."  
  
"So at least you guys agree on something then!"  
  
"Totally!" Spike looked at her so seriously, she could see the determination in not only his voice, but his face, "I think that we have to do the inevitable!"  
  
"The inevitable?"  
  
"Face your mum!" Spike pulled her in closer to him as he continued, "And we do it tomorrow, in the morning, we shouldn't have to sneak around to see each other!"  
  
"What no more romantic climbing up trellises and sneaking into your bedroom?"  
  
"Well maybe that! But no more bloody ladders!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dawn approached, and Imogen acting as an early alarm clock woke the couple snuggled up in the bed, not wanting to get up Buffy moved over to her side of the bed, and pulled the blankets around her. She could hear a very quiet "traitor!" Being spoken in her direction, as Spike moved out of the bed to attend to his very awake daughter. After what seemed only a few dozing minutes to Buffy, Spike walked back in with Imogen on his hip, all awake and cheery. Not wanting to miss this opportunity, he gently placed his daughter on his side of the bed, and pointed her in the direction of one dozing Buffy.  
  
With a smirk on his face that reasoned the evil thought in his mind, he watched as Imogen crawled over the bed sheets, to investigate the human being that lay in the bed. Reaching Buffy, Imogen grabbed the top blanket that lay on Buffy, and used it as leverage to lower herself onto her bottom. Leaning over to the sleeping form, Imogen grabbed some of the woman's hair and tugged on it, gurgling in joy at her new toy, which resembled something like her dolls hair, except this time it was attached to flesh and blood.  
  
Buffy abruptly came out of her doze, to find a mischievous Imogen playing with her hair, slowly she turned over and disentangled the youngster. Pulling the baby into her arms, she let out a big yawn, which made Imogen laugh as she copied the older human. Spike watched on in amusement at the interaction between the two, he moved himself over to the bed, and sat on the edge, a very tired Buffy looking on.  
  
"Didn't get anymore sleep?" Spike asked her.  
  
"How could I after getting a repeat performance of the earlier nights activities?" Buffy looked shyly at him, "But thanks for understanding."  
  
"Luv, I'll always understand. When your ready it will happen between us, and when it does I promise you......." His eyes burned with an intense fire, that made her cheeks go red and made her turn away from the intensity that flowed from him.  
  
"So, time to face mom?" Buffy attempted to redirect their conversation.  
  
"Time to face the fire." Spikes double meaning was not lost on Buffy as she climbed out of the bed and gathered her clothing from the night before. She ducked into the bathroom and dressed as quickly as she could. From behind the door she could hear Spike open and close drawers, assuming he was dressing, she stayed put in the en-suite, "Do you want any brekky Luv? Coffee?"  
  
"Coffee would be fine! Maybe some toast or something?" Buffy replied from the toilet she sat on.  
  
"Okay, come down in five!" She heard Spike retreat with Imogen out of the master bedroom, "And Buffy, you don't have to hide in the loo luv!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The trio of Buffy, Spike and Imogen walked across the lawn that divided the neighbours yards together. Spike held Imogen on one side of his hip, and held Buffy's hand with his other free hand. He could feel her stiffen up, as they approached the summers residence, he gave a reassuring squeeze of her hand with his own, "We are in this together, remember that Luv. Always together!"  
  
"I know, but....."  
  
Not having time to respond to her, they watched as the front door opened with a very angry mother standing at the entrance. Joyce looked like her head was about to explode with anger, and the look that she gave Buffy reflected that anger. Standing aside Joyce gestured for them to enter the house, which they did, moving into the kitchen. Spike placed Imogen onto the floor, and sat down next to Buffy who had taken residence on one of the stools around the breakfast bar.  
  
"What do you have to say for yourself young lady?" Joyce spoke first.  
  
"I'm sorry mom."  
  
"Sorry won't cut it Buffy!"  
  
"I didn't mean to be away for so long." Buffy tried to explain, "I had to speak to Spike, and you wouldn't let me, so I did what I did!"  
  
"You just left the house, not leaving me a note to at least tell me where you were! Anything could have happened to you! Anything!" Joyce accused her daughter.  
  
"I said I'm sorry mom, but I just had to get out!"  
  
"Buffy, I trust you, and you do something stupid like this!"  
  
"Joyce!" Spike spoke up, "Mrs Summers, I'm sorry but time just escaped us. We got caught up in talking."  
  
"Just talking! I find that very hard to believe!" Joyce turned on the man sitting before her.  
  
"Nothing happened mom, that I didn't want to happen!" Buffy's voice quietly broke through her mothers raised voice, "And Spike was a gentlemen mom, nothing happened!" What her mother didn't know wouldn't hurt her, and Buffy wasn't in the mood to go into the whole 'I'm scared to sleep with him' crap.  
  
"You should know better Buffy!" Joyce replied.  
  
"I do mom, and you should give me some credit!"  
  
Joyce opened her mouth to speak, but found no words to say, the last few weeks of keeping an eye on her daughter had amounted to nothing. Maybe she needed to give her daughter just that, some credit. Yet it didn't stop her having some reservations about the two people that sat before her, and the relationship that had developed between them.  
  
"William I'm disappointed in you too. I thought you could be trusted! She's just a girl!"  
  
"I think she's more than just a girl Joyce, she's an adult, and capable of making her own decisions. But I do understand your concerns." Spike looked at the concerned mother, "I want you to understand some things too."  
  
"That being?"  
  
"I care for Buffy, and want only what's best for her, and I do understand your worry for her. But I think that I need to my intentions clear." Spike replied to her mother's harsh tones.  
  
"Intentions! Like having my daughter sneak out into the night like a thief!"  
  
"No! My intent to keep seeing your daughter, but making my position clear to you, and making you understand the way it is between us!" Spike moved out of his chair, and stood behind Buffy, "I don't want to be sneaking around with your daughter, I want an open to public scrutiny relationship with her. I understand your reservations about our ages, her studies, and Imogen."  
  
"You have no idea what I think!" Joyce retaliated.  
  
"I think I do, but you have to understand, we have no problem with the ten year gap. Buffy understands that her studies are a high priority, and that 'us' will not interfere with that. She also understands that Imogen comes with the package, but Imogen is my responsibility and no one else's".  
  
Buffy joined in then cutting him off, "Mom, I know what you're thinking, and please try to understand that I care about Spike, he's given me more than you'll ever know. He gives me strength and trust like no one ever has. He......he....he's what I want mom, and what I need!"  
  
Joyce tried to digest the desperation in her daughter's voice, so filled with anguish, and pleading for the man she wanted. Joyce knew she had to tread lightly, or she may do some long term damage to her relationship with her daughter, considering the last year or so it had been skating on such thin ice. She had to concede that since Williams's arrival on the scene, she'd seen positive changes in her daughter, and she didn't know if she wanted to risk seeing her daughter going back to the person she once was. Maybe she would just have to risk it, and see where this was going.  
  
"I'm not happy with things! You both have to live with that. But I am willing to back off, with some conditions!" Joyce voiced her concerns, and her conditions in accepting the situation.  
  
"What conditions mom?"  
  
"You follow some ground rules." Joyce look from one to the other, "Week nights you study then you go out! You are home by midnight, and you don't go climbing up peoples roofs!" Spike and Buffy eyed each other cautiously; "You tell me where you are going, and take your cell phone! You will tell when you are out all night!"  
  
"Yes mom!" Buffy became all embarrassed at her mothers condition, remembering their late night activities.  
  
"And you take yourself off to the doctors young lady!" Joyce looked at her daughter.  
  
"Doctors?" Buffy looked perplexed.  
  
"Family Planning! One baby is enough!" Joyce looked at Spike, "You protect my daughter or I'll have your skin!" 


	9. Finally

~~~Chapter Fourteen~~~  
  
~~Finally~~  
  
Buffy sat covered in sand laughing her heart out, Imogen tried to grasp the white grains of sand in her hands as she played in the sandbox her father had made that day. Buffy watched with Imogen on her lap, as he had dug into the soil. He made a round hole in the ground, re-enforced it with a large tyre and filled it with sand. She watched him as she openly admired the shape of his body, as his muscles rippled and contracted with his labour. He'd catch her a few times, as he leant on his shovel, with a slight tilt on his head, and an evil grin on his face. A little embarrassed at being caught, she'd just continue to play with Imogen, to avoid the visual contact. Deep down the flame of desire flickered at her beings edge's, demanding to be freed from its prison.  
  
It had been a few weeks since the confrontation with her mother, and things had settled down somewhat. She'd even stayed over a few times at Spike's, and much to her horror he always guided her to the guest room, leaving her at the door. Leaving her burning. It had also been a few weeks since her visit to the doctor, but Spike had never mentioned it. He and been loving, yet withdrawn at the same time, he never tried to caress her anymore, it was sending her into a chaotic turmoil. In the last couple of months she had pulled herself from a deep darkness that invaded her life, and had left it infected with such a sickness, that she thought she would never return. Yet with the strength that she'd found within herself, she'd managed to pull herself from the hole that she'd created. One obstacle still remained. She was not sure how she would react if she took that one-step forward, such a giant leap of faith. She craved it, wanted it like nothing she had ever wanted before, and she wanted it now.  
  
She wanted him, and she was going to do something about it soon. 'Damn his sinister attraction' she thought to herself, as he flashed a very evil grin her way.  
  
Spike watched Buffy as she played with Imogen in the sand box he'd built, he slowly drank the cool drink he held in his hand. Wiping his brow he could see the oncoming dusk approach. The sky was beginning to dim, as the shadows of pink bled into the fading day. He put the glass down on the wicker table, then turned to Buffy and smiled.  
  
"Be back soon luv, need a shower." With that Spike turned into the house, slamming the screen door behind him.  
  
Buffy looked at Imogen and decided to put a plan into action. She picked the baby up herself and went back into the house. She placed the baby into the high chair and began to heat up her dinner then waited for the microwave to ping before moving towards the youngster, to feed her dinner. All the time she could hear the shower water running upstairs. The memories of the night that she snuck into his bedroom flooded her memory, making the task at hand even more difficult. She tried to feed Imogen with a shaking hand. Once completed, she took Imogen upstairs to the main bathroom and attempted to wash the youngster, with a little fuss as possible. She then took the baby to her room, and put the girl into her pyjama suit, and into her cot. She made sure the baby was comfortable, and watched sleep take over, as her eyes slowly closed in slumber.  
  
"Hey, you!" Spike spoke softly to Buffy from the hallway. He moved over, and kissed her softly on the head, "All tuckered out, Little Bit?"  
  
"Yeah, she's tired. Nearly fell asleep while I was feeding her!" Buffy spoke softly so as not to wake the baby.  
  
"Hmmmm, lucky girl to have such attention! You're spoiling her!" Spike moved behind her and placed his arms around her.  
  
Not content with that Buffy turned around, entwining herself around him. Standing up on her toes slightly, she reached up and kissed him softly on the lips. Looking straight into his gaze, she could see her reflection in the azure blue of his eyes. She slid one hand down his arm, and took his hand within her own, before leading him out of the baby's room. Buffy turned towards him, slightly walking backwards to watch his reaction. She led him to the master bedroom, and stopped at the door. Looking in, she surveyed the neat room, her gaze caught on his bed. Turning her gaze back to him, and back to the bed, she sent him her silent invitation.  
  
Spike looked at her, his face softening as his gaze followed hers towards the bed. Her intention was clear for him to see. He felt the sudden rise of heat burn through his body, he'd denied himself the temptation, waiting for her to be sure, for what had seemed an eternity. He'd made her sleep away from him, from fear of pushing himself to a point of no return, to a point that she would never trust or accept him. Now he watched as she laid a hand on his chest, and ran it down his abdomen, stopping just at his jeans. She ran her hand along the waistband, and took a step closer to him.  
  
"Are you sure?" Spike asked her, wanting to be certain of her intentions.  
  
"Yes."  
  
This time is was his turn to take her hand. He led her into his bedroom and brought her to the side of his bed, clasping both her hands in his, he leant into her and kissed her with such gentleness. Taking the initiative, Buffy applied a gentle pressure to his mouth with her own, outlining his lips with her tongue, as she invited him within the depths of her mouth. Accepting the invitation, Spike delved into her, caressing the inner flesh of her mouth as he explored her for himself. They slowly burned each other with their passion, as they generated an intense heat between them.  
  
Spike took the first step, he broke away from their kiss, and moved his hands onto her waist, looking at her with such an intense gaze, full of desire and promise, he slowly lifted from her body. He only broke his eye contact with her, as the top went over her head, he gathered her up for a searing kiss that showed the fervour that his passion consumed him with. Buffy responded with that same need to feel his skin, dragging his t-shirt from his jeans, she pulled it up and over his body creating a symmetry between them.  
  
She stopped to admire him, running her hands down his abdomen, the muscles so well defined. She gently scraped her nails along and watched them contract with his sharp intake of breath, as her hands covered his flesh. He watched as she leant slightly back and down to place a line of kisses, nips and licks of her tongue along his flesh until she reached his nipple. Taking it into her mouth, she teased the tip with her tongue, gently suckling it, and grating her teeth over it, causing his body to shudder in response, as she aroused him to newer heights. She watched his face, as he scraped his lips with his teeth as he bit down, his face tightened as he let out a breath, in reaction to the pleasure she was giving him.  
  
Unable to take anymore, he pulled her upright, and ran his hand down her collarbone, between her breasts, and a single finger down her abdomen, until he reached her own jeans. Taking the snap in between his fingers, he undid the button, slowly pulling the zipper down to part the fabric. He ran his hands across her stomach, and pushed his hands around to her back until they came to rest between her back of her jeans and bottom. Taking the fabric between his thumb and fingers he pulled it down, until they fell down her legs of their own accord, with a simple command he whispered to her "Step out of them." Buffy lifted one leg and then the other, kicking them aside. She stood in front of him, only clad in her underwear, she watched as he looked at her, taking in every inch and angle of her body.  
  
With a little courage she returned the favour, meeting his gaze once when she was finished. She couldn't help but get lost in it, as she saw the naked desire and need written within their depths. She licked her lips and moved both her hands to his pectorals, outlining the shape of them until her hands joined at the midline of his body, at which her hands parted, as she explored the muscular grooves that she found. Reaching the beginning of his jeans, with shaking hands and a little hesitation, she undid the button and drove down the zip, over the unmistaken sign of his arousal. Spike placed his hands over hers, to steady them as he guided her in pulling them down and kicking them off himself. He stood before her in all his naked glory. Buffy let out a gasp of air, as Spike pulled her to him with one arm, and placed his mouth on her once again, with a gentle nudge of his body he turned her. Taking a few baby steps, he guided her to the edge of the bed.  
  
Buffy let Spike move her onto the bed, until she lay on her back, with her lover on his side beside her. Leaning bodily over her, he could not miss the gentle nervousness that filled her eyes. Brushing the hair that had fallen on her face, he bent his head to capture her lips within his own again. He deepened it with each passing moment, until it left them breathless. He ran a hand to her collarbone, and ran his fingers over the strap of her bra until he reached the cup. Taking the flesh that was within, Spike gently remoulded it to the shape of his hand, with slight squeezes of his hand, he manipulated her flesh.  
  
Needing to breath Buffy, pulled away from him, and turned her head to watch what he was doing. Moving himself down a little, Spike trailed her upper body with kisses, nips and licks of his tongue, as he made his way between her breasts, and stopped at the front clasp of her bra. Taking it in hand, he undid it, and parted the fabric, exposing her bare flesh, he locked her eyes with his as he took the mound of flesh into his mouth. He guided his tongue around the areole, in slow circular motions, applying suction with his mouth, to pull as much of her flesh into his mouth as he could, in a need to consume her. Delicately he nipped the peak with his teeth, sending deep waves of burning heat through her, licking the sides of her, radiating to pleasure points in her body. He moved from one peak to the other, paying attention to each, as he continued to watch her burn in the heat that consumed them both.  
  
Spike finally broke away from her to do away with her bra, lifting her slightly as he removed the offending piece of lingerie. As Buffy lay back on the bed, Spike moved down further, his hand slid down her abdomen to rest on her pelvic bone, above her panties. Buffy felt a slight twinge of uncertainty, they had never gone this far before, she always pulled back, or Spike had stopped. Taking her hand, he laid it over his and pushed it down to lay on top of her mound, withdrawing her hand to rest on his wrist, as she felt him slowly move his hand forward.  
  
Buffy gasped, as she felt the first finger slide between the folds of her soft flesh, moving in and out, time after time , progressing slowly millimetre by millimetre, drawing out the pleasurable movent of his hand. Watching her, Spike looked on as she arched her neck, twisting her head from side to side. She made shallow sharp intakes of breath, with the little 'ugh', that followed each movement of her diaphragm. He removed his hand from her body, causing her to stop and look down at him. In silent approval she lifted her bottom from the sheet below her, and allowed him to remove the garment from her body.  
  
Sitting up slightly he ran his hand along her inner thigh, caressing the flesh below his own. With a gentle encouraging pressure he pulled her leg outward and up. He returned his hand back to her folds, circling her clitoris, sending shard's of pleasure throughout her body. Sending ripples of delight into every nerve ending. As she responded to him he heard her catch her breath. He slid his fingers into her deeper depths, penetrating her inner being, he could feel her muscles tighten around him. He stroked the moist flesh, moving it in time with the circular movements of his thumb, which had replaced his fingers on the outside folds of her flesh. He felt the rise of her hips against his hand, searching for further contact with him. In unsure movements she began rotating her hips in time with his hand.  
  
He could feel her attempts to find and discover more of the moment she found herself in, the need to find something that she wasn't sure about. Wanting to help her experience the same fire that burned within him, he moved himself between her legs, lifting the other into the same position as the first. Placing his other hand on her abdomen, with a gentle touch he ceased the upward thrust of her body. Unsure of his intentions Buffy looked at him, he slowly bent to kiss her abdomen, teasing her bellybutton with his tongue, lapping at it with, slow teasing tastes. Running his mouth down her body she felt his fingers open her up. His mouth descended to her lower body.  
  
The first flicker of his tongue enflamed her sense of self, sending her into a hurtling oblivion that she could have only imagined. Feeling the clenching of her body around him, he quickened the pace of his tongue on her flesh. He tasted her all around him. He could see and feel her about to hit her pinnacle as he applied more pressure from his mouth and hand. He could feel her inner muscles begin to tighten even more, and ripple, as she let go of any fear that she maybe experiencing, to embrace the deep pleasure she was feeling.  
  
"Let go Luv, Let go." Spike pulled back just for a moment.  
  
As if driven by his words, she did just that, releasing herself to the claim of gratification he gave to her. She allowed the shattering orgasm to ripple through her, sending wave after wave crashing over her body, splintering her into a thousand pieces, and making her scream his name as it took hold of her body.  
  
Watching her come, Spike nearly lost control himself. Feeling her release on his hand, tasting her flood of moisture with his mouth; he could feel himself teetering on the edge. Moving himself up her body again, he slid himself along her wanting to experience every inch of her release with her. Taking her mouth with his own, he plundered her it with his tongue, not withholding his deep desire and need for her. Clasping both the hands into his, he rested his weight on his forearms, and began to slide himself bodily over her, making her acutely aware of his hard erection, as she could feel it slide between her folds.  
  
Lifting his head, he once again searched her eyes for permission to take the ultimate step that would change her life forever. She was so aware of his need to ask, that she answered him in a quiet voice, "I love you". Lifting his hips, and finding the entrance to her depths, he slowly slid the head of his shaft into her untried flesh. Buffy tightened her hold on his hands, as he slowly progressed, an agonising inch by inch, she felt her body stretch to accept him. He moved slowly up and down with a circular shifting of his hips, always careful to try not to cause her pain. He continued until he could push forward no more. Looking at her, he kissed her gently on the lips, and replied to her earlier acceptance of him into her body. As he opened his mouth to utter the words, he shifted himself upwards, and with the final downward stroke, he spoke the words back to her, "I love you too sweetheart."  
  
Catching Buffy's cry into a kiss, he held himself within her waiting for her to adjust to him, and to relax somewhat. Slowly he began slow shallow thrusts of his hips, lifting himself upon his hand, he watched as she was mesmerized by his movements, caught up in the flood of feeling that radiated through her body. She watched the joining of their bodies, as he increased his movements, raising them to a closer intimacy than she had ever experienced before. Buffy came to rest her hands on his hips, running her hands up and down his back as she arched in response to his deeper penetration of her core. Changing the tempo and circular movements of his hips, he touched every inch of her inner walls, sending tingling sensations that grew in intensity, and moved her closer to something that she didn't comprehend. Seeing that she was moving closer to the edge of the abyss that threatened to engulf her, he touched her with soft strokes of his fingers around her clitoris, allowing the force that flowed through her to accumulate in one area, allowing her to focus all her attention on this moment in time.  
  
Clutching onto her lover, he could feel her hands grip tighter onto his back, as her muscles began to ripple and tighten in her oncoming orgasm. He watched as she handed her body over to the need for release. In his ears he heard her sharp short breaths, as she tried to breathe through the wave that was flooding through her, making her cry out, and repeatedly call his name in the depths of pleasure she was experiencing. Making sure that she was on her way to her own heaven, he allowed himself collide with his own need for release, as they burned with the fervour that had enveloped them. Crying out the name of his own love, she felt him shudder in his movements, as he succumbed to the final bliss. She watched as he clenched his face in those final moments, caught up in the moment that she had created within him.  
  
Both short of breath by now, Spike moved reluctantly away from on top of her to allow her to take in some air. He gathered her in his arms, running his hand over her hair, just revelling in the moments passed, caught up in the world the two of them had created. He watched as the breeze blew the curtain away from the window, allowing a clear view of the quarter moon, as it passed over them it cooled their heated skin, and evaporated the slight sheen that appeared on them. He pulled her close to him, kissed her gently on the mouth, and watched as she lay in her afterglow, she snuggled deeper into his body, wiggling herself against him......  
  
"What again?" 


	10. Trust me

From Night to Day  
  
By Mercy  
  
Chapter Fifteen  
  
Trust Me  
  
Making herself at home in the kitchen, she made herself some toast and coffee, as she gleefully remembered the night before. With a loud yawn, she rubbed her head trying to wake up some more and the sunlight penetrated the room, making her wince at the brightness. She could hear footsteps above her, as the occupants of the house moved about, namely Spike attending to a very awake and energetic Imogen. The little girl's sounds of laugher resinated through the house, giving life to the building, and reflecting the happiness of the residence.  
  
Buffy felt reinvigorated and totally satisfied for the first time in such along while. It was like a void had been filled in her life, and some of the walls that she'd surrounded herself in lay in ruins around her. She wasn't stupid enough to believe that one night of bliss would make all her problems disappear and make the world all rosy and perfect. The amber coloured glasses had been broken along time ago, but what she did realise was that life went on. It went on, because she'd allowed herself to be free of the chains of fear she'd shackled herself too. Having one very good- looking male to help you unbind yourself helped, she reminded herself with a very satisfied grin. Taking a bite of her breakfast, she turned her head to see her man enter the kitchen, clutching his fidgeting daughter.  
  
"Mornin' Luv." Spike leaned over and kissed her on the mouth quickly, as he made a beeline for Imogens' highchair.  
  
"Breakfast for you young lady." Spike made his way to the fridge to get her formula, shaking the bottle he moved over to the microwave to heat it up, and then the pantry to get her baby cereal. Buffy sat in silence as she watched him perform his fatherly duty. She couldn't help but notice the texture of his skin, his muscles, and the grace of every movement he made, and compare it to everything erotic thing he did to her last night. He pulled the highchair next to the table; as he sat down to feed Imogen her breakfast, he couldn't help but see 'that' look in her eyes.  
  
"Stop it!" Spike chuckled.  
  
"What?" Buffy innocently protested with a deep crimson colour permeating her cheeks.  
  
"You're insatiable!" Spike laughed at her embarrassment.  
  
Buffy leant over the table and lightly punched him in the arm, "I didn't get any complaints last night! Thank you!"  
  
Not wanting to be left out of the fun, Imogen picked the bowl of cereal and put it over her head, gurgling and laughing with a big toothy grin. Neither of the adults had caught Imogens' antics until it was too late, she was covered in mush, and made it even worse by playing with it in her hair that protruded from under the bowl. Buffy couldn't help but get caught up in the comic relief, and giggled as Imogen put her hands out to her father, to be lifted out of the mess. With the slightly horrified look on his face, he tentatively picked up the youngster and headed, back upstairs towards the bathroom to again bath his unruly daughter.  
  
Buffy could hear the soft talk of parent to child, as he chided Imogen for making a mess of herself, taking him away from breakfast with 'his girls', and most importantly his first coffee of the day. Not wanting to deprive him of at least one thing, Buffy made him a cup and wandered up to the main bathroom of the house. Inside she found Imogen in the bath, her father on his knees washing her hair, as she played with the various toys in the tub. Cup in hand she sat herself daintily on the vanity, and placed the coffee on the other side of the cabinet, out of harms way.  
  
Rinsing her hair with a jug of water, he finished the task, and sat back on his haunches, looking over his shoulder he watched Buffy make herself comfortable on the vanity. She lifted the coffee in her hands offering it too him, he responded by getting to his feet and took a step backwards, still keeping an eye on his daughter in the bath. He leaned on the opposite side of the vanity, taking the drink from her and having a sip, he nodded his thanks to her.  
  
"So what are you going to do today Luv?" Spike asked her.  
  
"Sleep!"  
  
"Hey, if I can't then you can't!" Spike looked mischievously at her, pointing towards Imogen. "We are going shopping, and as part of this family you're coming too!"  
  
"Shopping? As in mall or food?" Buffy's ears pricked up at the mention of one of her favourite pastimes.  
  
"Mall, but have you got all your uni work done? No assignments due?"  
  
"All done Friday night and yesterday before I came over."  
  
"Smart girl. More time to play then?" Spike looked to make sure Imogen was ok, before he leaned over and kissed her gently on the mouth. Not pleased with having the attention taken away from her, Imogen raised her hands and splashed the adults with bath water, sprinkling them lightly with it. "Talking about play time, out of the bath for you missy and new clothes....again!" He lifted the little girl out of the bath, and wrapped her in a towel, rubbing it against her skin, drying her off. "Luv why don't you go have a shower, and get dressed. I'll finish with Imogen, then have one myself and we can go."  
  
Buffy began to undo the belt that held her dressing gown in place, as she heard his sharp intake of breath, at the barest glimpse of her breast, as the fabric began to fall open. She looked at his eyes begin to darken and open as she undressed.  
  
"Buffy!" Spike spoke with a harsh quieted voice. "Don't tempt me! Go into the master bedroom you evil temptress, and in front of innocent eyes!" With a smirk on his face, he shielded Imogens' eyes with the palm of his hand.  
  
Laughing at his actions and words, Buffy refastened her dressing gown, and scurried down to the master bedroom and the en suite within to freshen up and shower. As she stood in front of the mirror, she looked at herself, really just looked at herself. She appeared no different to what she had yesterday, undoing the gown, she could see a few slight bruises from the night before, on her hip and arm. Where he'd unintentionally gripped her a bit too hard during the night and grasped her flesh, sometimes frightened that she'd runaway from him in fear of what she was experiencing.  
  
Turning on the water she stood under it letting the spray tingle along her flesh, as she remembered the night before, as she washed herself with the soap cloth, she imagined it was his hand, running it across her arm, abdomen and legs. She allowed herself to lose herself in the fantasy, as the water continued to pour over her.....  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
All of them ventured along the long corridors of the local shopping centre, as Buffy on more than one occasion would drag him into one shop or another. Spike was beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea or not, after she tried on one article of clothing after another, demanding that he rate every one of them. Occasionally he would bring out his wallet demanding that he pay for some of the goods, especially the evening clothes he knew would surely break the bank for her, and he knew she was buying to wear for him, on special occasions in the future.  
  
He especially demanded to buy the delicate items; she brought from the lingerie store, and had required her to parade in them for him, in the shops private fitting room. Spike didn't think that she'd be very impressed with him, if she knew that as he made her dress, he went to pay for the goods. He made the sales girls' eyes light up at the commission she would make from the sale, as he asked for different colours in her size of her favourite pieces, and brought many pieces that she had yet to lay her eyes on. Especially the garters and silk stockings that matched many of the bra and knicker sets she'd chosen.  
  
Picking up the parcels, he placed them in the basket at the bottom of Imogen's stroller, popping his head around the stroller he put his finger to his lips, and said 'shhhhhh' to his little girl. Gently smoothing down her hair, as she pulled herself over to try and look at what had been placed in her stroller, and that her father didn't want her to see. She belted out a cry of distress, as her father tried to draw her attention away from the parcel.  
  
"Hey sweetie! What's the big bad man trying to do?" Buffy walked to the stroller, pushing Spike aside, lifting the youngster out of the stroller, cuddling the baby to her body. She was immediately awarded a smile and a cuddle back, as Imogen rested her head onto her chest, and stuck her thumb contently in her mouth.  
  
"The big bad man did nothing thank you!" Spike kissed his daughter on the forehead making his way around the back of the empty stroller and walked out of the store. Buffy walked behind him, still carrying Imogen and straight into the swarming crowd in the mall. "Time for a break!?!" Spike asked looking at her, as she started in the next direction of the next store that had caught her gaze.  
  
Buffy stopped in her tracks, and turned towards her companion all pouty and displeased that her shopping trip had been disrupted. Moving to the stroller, she put the baby securely inside, doing up the safety straps, and taking control of the handlebars away from Spike, she starting walking towards the eatery area of the shopping complex. Spike quickly stepped in time with her, and placed his arm around her shoulder in show of possession to the world, as they walked up the corridor. Stopping at one of the more stroller friendly tables, Buffy sat in front of the baby, as Spike took the seat next to hers, dropping the parcels he carried to the floor.  
  
"Coffee or soft drink?" Spike asked Buffy as he got Imogen's bottle out of the baby bag, shaking its contents and spying the surrounding vendors' for one with a microwave. "Hungry?"  
  
"Diet Coke and yes." Buffy pulled Imogen into her lap so the youngster could see the world around her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Anything sweet!" Spike titled his head with a sneaky look in his face to her request.  
  
"You're not sweet enough! You don't come with cream or sprinkles!"  
  
"That can be arranged you know!"  
  
"Go!" Buffy ordered him, pointing towards the café shop a few feet away.  
  
For the moments Spike left them, she watched him as he waited patiently in line to be served, and much to her distain, her not so favourite Professor made an appearance, and a beeline for her man. She watched on as the woman openly flirted with him, preening herself and lay a hand on his arm as she spoke with him. Buffy didn't miss the nervous glances her way, as he looked across to her and watched her open hostility towards the woman. Buffy lifted her hand slightly under the baby and pointed towards the woman, and whispered in the baby's ear. "Can you say barracuda Imogen? Barra-cuuu- da!?! That's what one looks like! So for future reference Little Bit, that's a barracuda!"  
  
"Bbbb" Imogen tried to copy her, and clapped her hands together in glee as she tried to speak, happy with her efforts.  
  
Luckily for who she wasn't sure, Spike was served and on his was on his way back, she could see the barracuda's eyes follow him back to their table, her mouth drop and eyes squint as she saw where he stopped and sat down. Buffy plastered the biggest smile she could on, and picked up the baby's hand to wave at her. The look she got back from the Professor was priceless, as her exterior cracked and she stomped off. "That'll teach the bitch!" Buffy whispered under her voice, which Spike heard and nearly dropped the soft drink he placed in front of her.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Well she needs to keep her mitts of you! You're taken! Women like that should be locked up!" Buffy glared at him, not being able to keep her emotions to herself. Spike smirked at her jealousy, not that she needed to feel that way; the other bint didn't stand a chance. He slightly turned his head to see if anyone was really watching them, noticing no-one really was, he leaned over and gave her a kiss, grazing his tongue over her bottom lip, as she responded he slipped in tasting her soft palate, before pulling back just as quickly as he started.  
  
"You can show me just how taken I am when we get home, and Little Bit's having an afternoon nap!" With that Spike placed the piece of cake in front of her he brought her, then picked up his own coffee and took a sip, as Buffy's mouth dropped with his forwardness. Imogen took full advantage of the situation, as she leaned forward smacked her hands into Buffy's piece of cake and shovelled it into her mouth.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Arriving home later in the day, after continuing the shopping trip, Spike carried his sleeping child upstairs to her cot, as Buffy made her way through the numerous bags and packages they'd collected. She knew that they'd , well she'd, done some serious shopping but not this much damage to her budget. A few bags had a few things inside that she'd liked but hadn't bought, a few dresses and accessories. Her eyes travelled over the pile of shopping until they reached the bags from one of the shops....she'd only bought one bag, but now there were two. Opening the bigger bag of the two, she pulled out from the soft tissue wrapping, some of the most delicate pieces of lingerie and underwear she'd ever seen. In every colour and make, some romantic and other's down right dirty. A smirk covered her face, as she wasn't born yesterday and realised he'd didn't buy them for her, but for himself!  
  
Buffy heard his footsteps on the landing as he descended the stairs; quickly she put the discriminating pieces back in the bag, and hid it back in Imogens' stroller. Trying not to look to amused; she put on a straight face and took out the other items' that he'd bought her.  
  
"Hmm think this one will look good on you?" Buffy pulled out one of the tops that he'd obviously paid for.  
  
"Hmm? Yeah perfect fit I'd say." Not paying much attention to what she was saying, to rapt up in watching her.  
  
"Nahh pinks not your colour." Buffy put the shirt up to him.  
  
Spikes' laugh bellowed through the house, as he finally realised her joke, moving through the maze of bags on the living room floor he sat down on one of the sofas. Rummaging through one of the few bags of his own, picked up one of the blue shirts she'd picked out for him.  
  
"More my colour Luv, but I think it may suit you even more." Buffy moved over and pulled the shirt from his hands, and lifted it to herself. "Probably even better, especially just wearing it alone."  
  
Buffy threw the shirt back into his face, but he was quicker grabbing her by the waist he hauled her onto the sofa with him, and had her straddling his lap. Grabbing his shoulders to steady herself, she found herself captured by such an intense gaze that she'd never seen before. It wasn't there two seconds ago, but it was now. She watched as he pursed his lips together and lick his bottom lip with his tongue, finally biting it between his teeth. He lifted a hand from the tight grip he held on her hips and pushed it into her hair, moving it away from her face and ear. With a little gentle nudge of his hand, he brought her face down to his, to tease her with the gentlest kiss, grasping the top of her lip between his own, occasionally pulling at the tender flesh with his teeth. Pulling it forward with the blunt sharpness of his canines, and then deliciously soothing them with his own lips. He continued to tease her until she could stand it no more and took matters into her own hands, and grasped his face in her hands, and retaliated back with his own teasing. This time she pulled at his mouth, drawing it out as long as she could, let him see if he could stand the same sweet frustration.  
  
Not allowing her to have the same satisfaction at playing the game, Spike plundered the soft tissue of her mouth with his tongue. Swirling it along its crevices and hidden corners. She tasted like summer and innocence, well not so innocent now, not the way she responded back to him. She joined in the kiss with all her being, shutting everything else but him, and now. Their kisses pulled them closer together, enticing their need for each other to blossom and burn in the fire that they shared. It sustained them for a little while but it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough to feed the hunger that ignited between them.  
  
Buffy pulled herself away, looking at her lover as she started to pull herself away from him. She tried slide her leg down the sofa, so that they could in her way of thinking go upstairs to bed. Spike slid his hand around the back of her thigh, halting her movements.  
  
"No," was all he said. Taking her mouth with his own again, he moved both his hands to her hips and grounded her into his erection. Buffy moved the stakes up, and in a move that surprised him, she lay her hand on his hardened flesh, gently squeezing the flesh beneath the fabric. Spike moved his hands down her thighs, lifting the skirt that she wore up to her waist, watching her reaction, as a quizzical look came upon her face. "Here." Spike kissed her lips not waiting for an answer, as he took one side off her panties in his hand, and pulled the fragile fabric until it ripped, causing Buffy to take a sharp intake of oxygen, as she was unsure of this soaring passion between then. "Now."  
  
Tugging on the other side of the panties, he pulled until they gave way as well, taking the front of them in his hand he pulled them away from her, leaving her open and exposed. Not missing a beat he slipped a single finger in between her moist folds, teasing her clit with light strokes of the tip of his finger. He strummed the flesh until she grabbed his shirt so much he thought she'd pull it apart with need. Taking the cue, he moved deeper into her until he came to stroke the inner flesh of her body, he gently stretched her body so new to this, with two of his fingers. Reaching into her, as far as he could, there wasn't a single part of her that he didn't touch or tease, when he found the right place, she reacted by nearly rearing herself off him. He watched as her face contorted with the pleasure she was experiencing and feeling, it gave him so much pleasurable torment to know that he was causing this moment of pleasure for her, but it wasn't enough. Not by along shot. Wanting to give her more, he heightened her senses as he once again, stroked her clit in time with the rhythm he used to stroke her flesh.  
  
"Luv....please..."  
  
Buffy looked at him unsure of what he wanted or expected from her, she applied more pressure in her slack hand that surround his arousal. With out breaking away from looking at her, he grasped his hand over hers and led it to the snap and fly that held his pants in place. Finally understanding, Buffy released the button, and slowly drew the zipper down, releasing his blatant hardened arousal, that now lay within her grasp. Still a little shy, she grasped the length of it from top to bottom, gently brushing her nails along the distance end to end. "Buffy luv...touch me...don't be afraid to touch me...harder...that's it...oh god...that's my girl!" Doing as he asked she quickened the pace she was using, and tightened her hold she had on him, heightening his own desire further, as they spun deeper into the height of their mutual desire and pleasure.  
  
With no warning he lifted his hips, as he withdrew his hands from her, and pulled his clothing down to ease the way forward. Taking the initiative Buffy still grasped him in her hands, as she still straddled him, she lifted herself high above him. Taking the very tip of him into her folds, she slid it along her slit to moisten and tease him. Spike threw his head back against the sofa, as her actions sent the sensitive nerve ending within him firing, and drove him insane as he yearned to be inside her.  
  
"Please Buffy don't tease me.....take it all.....please luv!" Buffy heard his request but partially granted it as she took the head inside her body, and continued to drag out it out, as she rotated her hips in shallow movements. He opened his eyes too see her own closed and her facial features straining under the gravity of pleasure she was feeling. As much as he tried to control himself, and hold back and let her be in control of her own sensual discovery, he felt himself slipping, as his desire for total penetration over took everything else. "Please Luv...deeper...please deeper!" But Buffy still didn't hear him, as the pressure of her shallow movements were dragging him to orgasm, quicker than he could have ever imagined, and that he didn't want, he wanted them to come together, as it should be.  
  
Not being able to wait anymore, he grabbed her hips and slammed her down onto his flesh until they were groin to groin, and you couldn't tell where she began and he ended. The relief from the pressure from her shallow thrusts gave way to a tidal wave of completion, as every inch of him sat within her. It broke her out of her trance, as she shook of being taken so suddenly, and completely. She just stopped and let herself feel him inside her, let herself have a moment of total completion. Until instinct took over, and she grabbed the back of the sofa for leverage as she began to move herself upon him. Over and over, rotating her hips, changing the angle of her body to experience him on every inch of her inner flesh. Every time flesh touched flesh, it sent a wave of bliss along her being. She dragged it out for as long as she could with each thrust and movement, she was in total control of the ride. But he could feel her flagging, feel her thigh muscles contract and tighten in protest. Not breaking the bond, he slid them down onto the carpet and Buffy onto her back.  
  
"Bend your knees luv." Feeling her ankles at the side of his hips, he lifted himself onto his haunches, and lifted each ankle onto his shoulder. An unsure look filled her face, as he leaned forward once again, holding himself up by his hands, as her feet rested on his shoulder. As he began to move with in her, she could feel the deeper penetration and angle as they took the added pleasure of something new to heighten the ecstasy they shared. This time he drew out his movements, prolonging the pleasure, and teasing her by just stopping himself at times, until she either dug her nails into his back or she begged him for "more". He endured this drawn out pleasure for as long as he could until, he couldn't wait for much longer, her inner muscles clutching along his ridged length, showing her on coming orgasm sent him spiralling towards his own.  
  
"Come with me sweetheart...come with me..."  
  
His pace increased, as he grinded himself into her, he angled himself so that he stimulated her clit as he moved himself with her. He watched as she arched herself of the floor and let her self go, he could feel her inner waves of pleasure as she came. Knowing that she was attaining her own nirvana, he let himself go as he called out her name in reply to her own scream.  
  
He well and truly was shown how 'taken he was'.  
  
A/N : Thanks to Kirsty and Karen (Karbear57) for helping me once again with this chapter (and I think letting Edward have his say!!) Darcy hope you get better soon....  
  
Please visit my website Mercy's Illusion (can be found by Yahoo or Google) for my new fic PULSE which is very naughty and unsuitable for FF.net....even edited!!!! (well I like to think so!) 


	11. Sanctuary Part 1

From Night to Day  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
Inspired by and dedicated to Kar (Karbear57) and also too slackerace who gave me the nudge...  
  
Edited by Kar....thanks sweetie  
  
Sanctuary Part One  
  
Buffy walked around the campus grounds surrounded by her friends as they headed to their fifth and final lecture on Friday. She was tired from the busy nights trying to do her assignments and research papers, so that she could spend the majority of her weekend with Spike and Imogen. It made the week days go faster because she had so much to look forward to, she had some time with him during the week, but he'd always make it short and sweet so as not to interfere with her studies, which was one thing he was insistent about. They made as much of that time as they could talking, relaxing and enjoying time with Imogen. Yet never anything intimate as they'd learned that their enthusiasm made her go home late, and her mom mad.  
  
"So girls, a night on the town for our merry troop?" Xander asked the girls knowing that he would get some lame excuse not to go from all of them.  
  
"Sorry washing my hair." Will replied giving up on trying to make up something that would sound plausible.  
  
"I'm washing her hair too," Tara spoke quietly at Willow's side, "we're saving water."  
  
"That is so lame!" Xander began to sprout at them slightly dismayed at their not wanting to go out anymore. "We never go out anymore! Is this the only place we're ever going to get to see each other?"  
  
"Xander!" Buffy turned towards the male of the four, "We all have things to do this weekend. People too see, shopping to do and assignments to write."  
  
"Boyfriends to see and friends to dump for!" Xander's green eyed monster showed itself, unfortunately he'd become a little jealous of the man that had stolen his best friend from him.  
  
"Girlfriends that don't like us!" Buffy threw back at him.  
  
"Anya doesn't hate you! She's just a little forwardy in her thinking and speech." Xander defended his girlfriend.  
  
"More like socially inept!" Buffy was beginning to get riled up and what on earth was Xander trying to prove.  
  
"Hey guys come on..." Willow tried to calm the two before it got out of hand. "Okay, so we don't get together as much as we used too, but..."  
  
"But what Will?" Xander looked at his friend. "We never see each other outside of this place! Not like we used to."  
  
"Okay, okay Xan, you've made your point, we need to get together more." Buffy nodded her head in agreement with him. "But I also have a life outside of here and the only time I get with my man is on the weekend. My mom makes it tough on us enough with out you adding to the grief!"  
  
Xander looked away from his friend, he knew that after all the shit she'd been through with that animal Riley, she was due some happiness. Yet not at the total expense of all of them. He hoped that she wouldn't entirely forget her friends; maybe they all need to make a more concerted effort to see each other, and make time to do it. They had a strong unit of friendship that was just too stupid to through away, and maybe it was up to him to make headway to make sure that it didn't crack all together. Even if he had to make friends with the reason behind why the cracks where beginning to show.  
  
"So make us part of your weekend, introduce your main squeeze to us. Let's get to know the man." Xander attempted to make the first step.  
  
"'Main squeeze'! Xan that's even feeble for your standards!" Willow started to laugh at her friend's sometimes-backwards use of the English language, even though she knew he was trying. She could feel Tara's finger poking her in the back in response to her words, "Sorry Xander."  
  
"So Buffster what do you say?" Xander began to put the pressure on.  
  
"To what?" Buffy was still a bit taken aback by her friends' demand to meet Spike. Up to this point, she'd keep her life with him to herself, and she didn't know if she wanted to share in their private world just yet. She was still exploring it herself, it's newly found pleasures and the enjoyment she had as being a part of his everyday life. It was her shelter and haven from the rest of the world, Buffy knew one day she'd have to share and show him more of her world, but just not so soon. Yet she didn't know if she could, or just didn't want too.  
  
Another thing that concerned her was just how he was going to feel about being around her much younger friends. He was a complicated man and one that she knew could adapt to any situation, but she feared that he may find her friends dull and boring. Not because they were, but because they were young and focused on making their way into the world where he had already established himself. She felt this fear because she supposed the same for herself that his friends may find her dull and boring because of her youth and inexperience in the world.  
  
Buffy knew somewhere deep within herself that this wasn't really true, but the fear was deeply planted in her subconscious mind. Her doubts about herself always had a way of creeping into her life. Another concern was Imogen, how would they react to the baby, she doubted that any of them knew about the baby. She knew that it would just probably add fuel to the fire with Xander and give him another excuse to fire another round at her defences. It wasn't enough she guessed, for him to consider the fact that Spike was the reason that she was as happy as she was at the moment. Maybe she needed to remind him that despite Anaya's inadequacies, she brought out the man from the boy and had made him so happy that he was sometimes so deliriously happy that it was laughable. Anya had made him a better person.  
  
"Coffee tomorrow if you ladies are all agreeable?" Xander asked as smoothly as he could, laying on the charm. He watched as mixed emotions crossed over each of the girls' face, Willow's in agitation as she knew just how fragile Buffy must be feeling. Tara's filled with concern over his pushing against the boundaries that Buffy maybe comfortable with, and Buffy's face filled in tense insecurity. "Come on Buffy, we gotta meet him sometime. Why not tomorrow?"  
  
Buffy looked at each of the girls and saw their concern on their faces, and she could see the need to understand what was going on in her life written in his face. If it was really any of his concern anyway, but she could understand his desire she supposed to make sure that she was safe and happy, she hoped that was the deep seeded need why Xander needed to meet Spike. The next question was how she going to tell Spike that her friends wanted to meet him, he probably would be elated to finally meet her friends. Yet some of the fears that had surfaced during this conversation spoke loudly in her mind, making it difficult to decide what to do.  
  
So with some great reluctance she nodded her head, "Espresso Pump at 4? How does that sound?" She just had to get herself there, it was a surety that Spike would go, but the most important thing was would she go. They chatted about everything else to avoid what had become a very uncomfortable discussion between the four. Turning finally into the building that housed their final lecture, the idle conversation ceased as they took their seats for the lecture. With one dark haired professor that had no pleasant looks for the young student in the third row, who didn't miss a single glance of displeasure on the professor's face.  
  
Maybe she should think about it the prospective meeting in the afternoon some more and if necessary make up some plausible excuse if she needed to escape. All she really wanted was to find Spike, wrap herself within his body, and block out the world. To stay in their own seventh heaven they'd created together.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Spike sat at his desk in front of his computer going over the figures of the monthly budget, and as much as he hated to admit it, he just couldn't balance the funds. As usual, the spending outweighs the government grants, students' fees and private donations. Not even every creative accounting technique could hide the truth that the University was again way over budget. Unfortunately, it was like that every month since he'd taken this job, and it had been the same at the last University he'd worked in the U.K. With a slight knowing smile, it was nice to know that no matter wherever in the world you worked, education was never funded correctly.  
  
The best he could do was present the truth to the Board of Trustees again this month, and try to explain it to the academics why they wouldn't be getting extra funding, and why they had to cut their budgets again. He'd have to listen to the accusations again that he wasn't doing his job correctly by the Deans of the Faculties, and diverting money too less important faculties than their own. Sometimes he really hated his job, and the Board of Trustees meeting was the least pleasurable things in the job, and despite all this the Chancellor would come and tell him after all the abuse what a good job he was doing.  
  
Scratching his head he was trying to think of a way to soften the blow at the meeting tomorrow, but as usual his thoughts always wandered out the window and onto the lawn below. He would lose himself in the view of the window, hoping to see a glance of her, just a look, just for a second. Yet he never saw her and he knew he wouldn't unless she walked half of the campus to the Administration offices, the opposite site to any of where her lectures were. The window never graced her presence much to his disappointment, just once would make his day, just a look....  
  
Picking up the phone he dialled her number for her cell phone by memory, he waited through the ring tone for her to pick up, until the engaged tone filled his ear. He looked up at the clock on the wall in defeat as he realised she'd be in her final class for the day, but he couldn't help himself as he hit the redial button on the phone. Again it rang out. Replacing the phone handle to its cradle he knew that he'd have to wait for her to ring him back if she looked at her phone later for missed calls. Looking back at the computer screen, he tried to lose himself in the numbers that blurred his vision. Somehow, he managed after sometime to work his way through the jumble of numbers to make some sense of them, but hit the wrong key losing his work for the last hour.  
  
"Bloody hell, you stupid fucking piece of technological crap!" Spike exploded as he tried to retrieve the last data.  
  
"Did the big bad man break his toy?" Buffy spoke softly from the doorway as she heard his unpleasant remarks to the inanimate object. "Spike, it's just a machine." Buffy broke out into laughter, as he began to go a deep shade of read in embarrassment at being caught out.  
  
"I just lost all my bloody work!"  
  
"Calm down and let me have a look!" Buffy moved into the room, and motioned for him to move away from his desk, which she moved directly in front of him and bent over to look at the screen and keyboard. "Okay simple!" he watched as she punched in a few commands into the computer and retrieved his work. "See easy fixed." She turned around to see him looking more at her behind than at the data that was back on the screen, Buffy turned back to the computer and saved the data onto the hard drive. Making sure that she subtlety and suggestively swayed her hips as she went about it.  
  
"Are you finished Miss. Summers?" Spike moved his chair closer to her as she now leaned her bottom onto the front of the desk. Standing up he moved even closer as she slightly moved her stance apart to make way for his frame, sliding his hands from her hips until they lay on her cheeks, he pulled her into a deep kiss. He traced her mouth with his tongue as she teasingly refused to open her mouth to him she took her hands from the desk and lay them over his backside, softly massaging the flesh beneath her hands. Pulling him as close as she could to between her thighs, Buffy grinded herself over his front as she surrendered herself to his demanding kiss and let him in. She felt his gentle assault of her mouth begin immediately as he tasted every inch of her mouth, and entwined hers in their combined dance of ecstasy.  
  
"Mr. Benson, the Dean of...." neither heard the approach of the department's secretary to his door. Both quickly pulled away quickly away form each other, with Buffy quickly dashing to the widow to hide her blushing complexion. Leaving Spike struggling to straighten his now wonky tie and having to deal with the older woman that didn't seem too shocked at finding him in a compromising situation. She didn't even blink as she continued, "Mr. Benson the Dean of Health Sciences would like these figures reviewed for the next Board of Trustees meeting."  
  
"Thank you Mrs. Whitehall." Spike spluttered out his words as he looked between her and Buffy. "I...um...I"  
  
"Nothing Mr. Benson, it's about time I'd say you found yourself a girlfriend," Mrs. Whitehall had never been one to hold back her thoughts on anything. "But in the office Mr. Benson? Show the young lady some respect!" She walked further into the room and placed the files she held onto the desk, "It's also Friday and everyone else has gone home for the day. Can I suggest that you do the same?"  
  
"Umm..."  
  
"It's nothing that I haven't seen before Mr. Benson, just go home and enjoy the weekend." Mrs. Whitehall walked out of the office thinking to herself, at least he isn't going to waste, or that awful professor woman hadn't seemed to get her hooks into him yet, even if the whole university knew she was out to get him.  
  
Spike looked at very embarrassed Buffy that still refused to turn away from the window he moved behind her and placed his arms around her. He pulled her hair away from her neck and began to place soft kisses along her skin, and playful blew in her ear. Buffy let him play for a little while before she pulled away and faced him, still slightly blushing, her face filled with mortification at being caught.  
  
"Hey don't be embarrassed," Spike smiled at her trying to reassure her. "We obviously aren't the first couple she's walked in on, and won't be the last."  
  
"That doesn't make it any better! She found us..." Buffy gasped.  
  
"She found two people kissing in an office Buffy! At least we weren't naked and shagging!" Spike smirked at the thoughts that filled his head. "But then again that's another fantasy of mine that I'd like to fulfil one day."  
  
Buffy responded by hitting him on the arm, as she tried to move pass him and out the office. He caught her hand and pulled her to him, as he grabbed his coat from behind the chair that was a few feet from them. Taking her hand her lead her from the crime scene and down the hallway towards the exit. Once outside, quietly lead by him they made their way to his car he opened her door for her and made his way to the drivers seat, as he gunned the engine.  
  
"If the office turns you off, I have another fantasy with you." Spike broke the silence.  
  
Buffy voice cracked with her response, "Fantasy with me?"  
  
"Yeah, you," Spike took his eyes of the road for a second to meet hers. "You and me." He looked at the road before, quickly turning his head and motioning to the backseat of the DeSoto.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Have to take out the baby seat though."  
  
"Baby seat?"  
  
"Yeah more room," his eyes flashed quickly at her, a deep blue with a burning desire rushing through them, but he didn't miss the blush again in her cheeks. "Are you embarrassed again? Or shocked that I want to take you somewhere else besides a bedroom Buffy?"  
  
"It's just something that I never...um...never really thought about," her words where so quiet that they were nearly silent. "Not that I'm saying that I wouldn't want to."  
  
"Good Buffy, because I fully intend of having my wicked way with you whenever I can," Spike took a hand from the steering wheel and took her hand. "Or any wicked way you want to have me."  
  
Buffy just blushed more if she could, it was something that she'd never really even considered because of the past that had held her in such a deep grip. Trust her to find someone that she truly loved and desired to have such a veracious appetite. She couldn't even fathom what was normal and what wasn't, because she'd shield herself so deeply from the world of desire. It looked like he was going to plunge her straight into the world of the unknown, but it was something that she was truly looking forward to embracing and exploring.  
  
They drove towards the day-care centre to pick up Imogen and finally drive back to the Benson household. Spike pulled up to find Buffy lost in her thoughts and not even realising that they were home, as he shook her shoulder to make her aware of her surroundings.  
  
"Lost little girl?"  
  
"A little."  
  
"Don't worry we'll find our way," both knew what he was referring to and to which Buffy was grateful to have found such a man, as the one that stood before him with a now howling grumpy baby in the backseat demanding to be feed her dinner. "But at least some one's clear on what she wants." He turned back to Buffy as he got out to retrieve Imogen from her baby seat, "You hungry Little Bit? Buffy?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"And for anything else?" the glint in his eye's flashed again.  
  
"Yes," Buffy got out of the car and took Imogen from his hands, and began to walk to the front door with him. She stood back as he opened the door and let them in, "but that's for later mister!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Buffy watched as he prepared the evening meal for them, as he moved effortlessly through the kitchen, not like her usual mess she created when she tried to cook. She dreaded the day that he suggested that she cook for them, it would be a total disaster, and one that would bring shame to her mother that could make dirt taste like a gourmet dinner. Spike couldn't miss the look of concern that filled her face, his concern grew as the silence continued, a lot of things passed through his mind what could be worrying her, and he didn't like any of them.  
  
"What's wrong, pet?" Spike put down the knife he held in his hand and came around to the table where she with Imogen in her lap. "You looked worried? Exam coming up?"  
  
'No, it's nothing really."  
  
"'Nothing really' doesn't look like what's on your face Luv. Unless it's serious, and I want to know." Spike took Imogen from her lap and placed her into the playpen beside the table. "I worry about you sometimes," he caressed her hair as it hung over her face. "Worry because I care, and I'm here for you. I need to know you're okay, and not going to run off!"  
  
"I'm not running off, and it's nothing for you to worry about? It's my problem, okay?"  
  
"Does it have something to do with what happened in the office?" He was worried that his forwardness about what he desired and fantasized may have been to much, maybe she wasn't ready for this type of play yet. "Or what I suggested Luv? If you're not ready..."  
  
"It's not that. I..." Buffy looked away from his gaze. "My friends want to meet you, and they want to meet us tomorrow."  
  
"Is that all?" his laughter filled the room. "I thought you were thinking..."  
  
"It's serious Spike! These are my friends!" Buffy spluttered out with such intensity that it stopped him mid-sentence.  
  
"What do you mean by that Buffy?" Spike respond with a quiet hushed voice as her true meaning hit him. "What haven't you told them about us that makes you so jumpy?"  
  
"Nothing?"  
  
"Then why are you so jumpy about me meeting them?" Spike tilted her face in his palm as he tried to seek the truth in her eyes. "Why Buffy? Are you ashamed of something or me? Have you kept silent about me, like a dirty little secret?"  
  
"NO! They know about you!" Buffy stood up placing a hand on his cheek in reassurance. "They know that we are together! That you're the reason that I'm happy!"  
  
"Then what, Buffy? Why are you so worried about them meeting me?"  
  
"They...they're younger than you. You might.."  
  
"Might what? Find them what?" Spike asked her quietly. "Boring? Childish? Dull?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do I find you boring, childish and dull, Buffy?" Spike turned away from her and took one step back from them and shook his head in astonishment. "If I found you like that Buffy, do you think that I'd be here with you? Seriously?"  
  
"No." Buffy hung her head in shame at even thinking the thoughts that went through her mind.  
  
"Since we are on the subject, maybe there's something that's bothering you about me?"  
  
"No." Buffy replied so silently that the falseness of her statement was obvious.  
  
"Don't lie to me Buffy. Never lie to me!" Spike voice carried his obvious anger towards her. "What is it about me that you haven't told them?"  
  
Buffy stood still and didn't dare move a muscle she was afraid to cause more grief than she already had. She just didn't know what to tell him or how to tell him her concerns about why she hadn't told her friends the whole truth about him. She reluctantly pulled her head up too meet his hurt gaze, and watched as he walked to pull Imogen out of the playpen. He looked down at his daughter then to the woman that stood looking so helpless in the kitchen. He played with Imogen as he put her into her highchair in readiness to feed her dinner. Buffy looked even more guilty at him as he went about the task, it instantly hit him.  
  
"They don't know about Imogen, do they?" Reality came into play as he imagined the worst. "You haven't told them about my baby? That your boyfriend's a single dad?"  
  
"No they don't know about Imogen, I don't know how they would react?" Buffy voice cracked under the pressure of her confession. "I don't know if they, well one, would take the news well."  
  
"Does their opinion mean that much to you?"  
  
"Spike you mean more to me than that?"  
  
"It doesn't feel like that at the moment Luv." Spike moved back into the kitchen to put Imogens dinner on her bowl, and moved it place it in front of her. He watched as she grabbed the shredded carrot in one hand and shovelled it into her mouth with her fingers. "I need to know that we mean more to you than anything in the world!"  
  
"You do, both of you!" Buffy felt the tears begin to threaten to take form behind her eye sockets. "You gave me back mine and brought me back from a non-existence that was killing me!"  
  
"Then why do I feel like you've shut me out from everyone else that's important in your life!"  
  
"Because I'm stupid and a fool!" Buffy turned away from him as the tears began to cascade down her face. "And because I'm afraid that you'll think you can never be a part of my friends! That they'll try and talk me out of being with you and Imogen!"  
  
"Could they Buffy?" Spike moved behind her as he confronted her. "Can they talk you out of being with me and Imogen?" 


	12. Sanctuary Part 2

From Night to Day  
  
Thanks to Kar for a great edit and her help as usual....and to my regular readers thanks...missed you guys too!!! For those that where not aware I have been away in the UK and Europe for the last two months and have just returned home...so hopefully lots more writing soon!!  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
Sanctuary  
  
Part Two  
  
Buffy wiped the tears that ran down her face away, as he placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her around. She still couldn't meet his gaze, after everything that had passed between them, the one thing that she didn't want to see was the disappointment in his face. She could have dealt with any accusations, but never disillusionment.  
  
"Could they Buffy?" Spike asked her again. "Could they break what's between us?"  
  
"No!" The silence that followed echoed through out the room and was broken only by Imogens' squeals as she played with her dinner. "I'm here to stay no matter what."  
  
'Then look at me." Spike spoke as he encircled her within his arms. "Look at me and tell me that!" She looked at him for a spilt second before retreating, only too stare at his shoulder, and was shocked at the fear that filled his eyes. The hesitancy of what she was feeling was so clear to see. With a sniffle she gathered the courage to look at him, as he responded by gently kissing her upper lip, just a soft caress of his mouth on hers trying to reassure Buffy of his commitment to her. "I want and need you so much!"  
  
"Just as I need you!" Buffy looked at him finally. "Nothing is going to change that! You can be sure of that!"  
  
"But you don't want me to meet your friends is that it?" Spike asked her again.  
  
"I do, it's just that I don't know if I want to share you, us just yet."  
  
"Share us?"  
  
"You are my sanctuary in this world, the place I come to rest and take refuge from the outside world." Buffy told him, looking so vulnerable and fragile.  
  
"Buffy that I maybe, but there's a big wide world out there, and we are in it together. This house and I are not another world. It's not a place to run too when the big bad world rears its ugly head." Spike shook his head, "I am not an escape for anyone Buffy. I don't use you as an escape when I need to run from the reality of the world. I've done enough of that already in one lifetime!"  
  
"Already?" Buffy looked questioningly at him.  
  
"Yeah Luv. Remember car accident, dead wife and raising my kid alone." Spike let her go and walked back into the kitchen as he took up his knife again, to resume cutting up the vegetables on the table.  
  
"Oh god!" Buffy quickly moved to stand behind him. "I'm sorry..." She moved her arms around his torso, hugging him to her as closely as she could. "So sorry," Buffy felt like she'd just kicked him in the guts. Sometimes she totally forgot the first few weeks he was here and the total sense of devastation that had clouded around him, when he moved in. She'd been so caught up in her own self, that she forgot just what a mess he'd been in, and surely what a relief she must have been too him. She'd been the key for his release from his own hell, just as he had been hers, their joined lives had given her a new life that she forgot the past. He must think about her now and then but how could she be so stupid to think otherwise? His constant reminder sat in the playpen, playing with her toys and gurgling with a smile when she caught one of the adults' attention.  
  
"I'm a 'bad rude girl'" Buffy spoke quietly as she tried to reassure him. "A bad rude girl, that loves you and Imogen. I'm just a little confused with the whole 'my friends' bit. But I am here with you because I need you just as much as you need me! No one or nothing is ever going to change that!"  
  
Spike stopped chopping the minute she said the word 'love', as it melted his heart and defences like it always did. He could never resist her once she said that word, and he could almost forgive her anything, as hard as she was making it, he could understand her reasoning a little. As much as it cut through him that, she wasn't sure if she wanted him to meet her friends, he would have to eventually and they'd have to accept him, warts and all. He was not giving her up for anything or anyone, his streak of possessiveness ran deep within him, he remembered the depths of it when he smashed into the college boy with his fists.  
  
He looked at his daughter playing blissfully in ignorance as to what was going on between the adults, Imogen was the most important piece in this whole puzzle, he couldn't do anything without considering her, ever. Yet he needed to know that they both meant as much to Buffy as Imogen and herself meant too him. He wasn't going to press her into a deeper commitment yet with her being so young, but he needed it. Needed too be sure that she would always be there. He turned around and faced her, his gaze strong with emotion and need, as he gently pushed her away from him a little.  
  
"Call you're mum."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just call her and tell her that you won't be home tonight."  
  
"She already knows that I won't be home for dinner," Buffy replied.  
  
"No tell her that you're staying tonight, here with me."  
  
"But I always go home on a Friday night?"  
  
"Buffy, I want you here tonight with me and Imogen. In my bed tonight where you belong." He spoke with such force and need that she couldn't help but breakaway from him and pick up the phone and dial home.  
  
He went back to cooking their evening meals, he knew he'd pushed the issue but he wanted her here tonight, and if he truly had his way he would have her here every night. He sometimes lay in his bed during the week yearning for her, wanting to creep over next-door and sneak into her window to have her in her bed. Spike listened as she told her mother that she was staying tonight and the rest of the weekend, and that 'yes all her assignments where finished' and that she would be over 'sometime to see her'. Buffy fiddled with the cord that hung between the cradle and base of the phone, a clear sign that her mother was putting up some resistance. Yet it would seem that he would have his way and have her over tonight. It was a beginning and it would have to satisfy his need for now.  
  
"Okay I'm staying tonight." Buffy put the phone down on the cradle and returned to stand beside him. "I have to see mom tomorrow and I need to get some things."  
  
"Fine," was all he said in reply.  
  
Silence covered the room between the two as he continued to prepare the meal, as Buffy retreated to sit on a chair next to Imogen, and began to clean up some of the mess that the youngster was creating from her dinner. Spike watched her as she went about her task, a little sad that she felt the way she did, he'd hoped that she would have jumped at the chance to introduce him to her friends. He could understand some of her reluctance, but he was greatly concerned over her fear about introducing him to her friends and not telling them about Imogen. His baby was part of the package, and one that she had to accept about him, and the impact that it had on their relationship. Imogen was one of the most important things in his life, and the thought that she had any reservations about any aspect of that disturbed him.  
  
Was he being too demanding in expecting this from her? Spike had hoped that as their relationship grew in strength and longevity, that she would assume more responsibility towards the growth and development of his little girl. In the long term, he supposed he hoped that she would accept a nurturing role in her life, and eventually take on the mothering role. He'd seen her move somewhat into that role as she played and socialised with his daughter, he knew that she wasn't ready to be the girls 'mother'. Yet as his partner he hoped that she would see that he encouraged her to develop her relationship with Imogen.  
  
Was he expecting too much from her, a woman of eighteen to take on such a role? He swallowed hard at the reality that maybe she didn't want to have such a strong bond with Imogen, but it was something that he was counting on. That the bond with Imogen would tie her more strongly to him, and cement their relationship. He also recognised that she was sacrificing a lot to be with them in her free time, that they couldn't do the 'normal' things that a couple her age would be doing. Maybe he needed to make sure that she did things a girl her age should be doing, or he thought she should be doing, especially remembering what he did at her age. Going out and having fun with her friends on the weekend, parties and exploring new things.  
  
As time passed he finished their meal and placed it in front of her where she sat, she'd been watching him serve the meal up on the bench and had sat forward, waiting for him to serve it to her. He placed the other plate he held on the next seating place, and sat down as she placed cutlery in front of him that had sat on the table ready for them, but never set. She watched as he picked up the fork and began to eat the meal. His silence was eating away at her, Spike was one never to be silent as he sat down to a meal. It only made her more on edge and angry with herself that things had disintegrated between them tonight.  
  
She turned in her chair slightly towards him, and took his hand that lay on his lap; he immediately put his fork down and looked at her. With still no words coming from her, she raised his hand to her mouth and placed a soft kiss on his hand, and turned it over and did the same. She looked into his gaze with a lost look of sadness, which within contained her feeling of desolation. Buffy watched as he pulled his eyebrows together and closed his eyes at her obvious pain, the harsh expelling of his breath showed his frustration. He took the hand that held his and brought it to his cheek; still with eyes closed he turned his face into her palm, as ran her hand along his cheek, at times placing a butterfly kiss onto her palm, as it brushed past his mouth.  
  
Finally, he opened his eyes, as he couldn't bare the silence between them any longer, they'd both moved so far away from the desolation that had held them suspended within their lives before they'd meet each other. Both had invested so much in each other and themselves to let it crumble beneath them for such a stupid reason. It also opened up the question how would she react when he wanted the same from her. At some point, she would have to enter his social circle and he didn't want her to have any hesitation when she took her first step into it. There would be social events that would require his presence, especially University functions and he fully intended to have her by his side, clear for the world to see that she was his.  
  
So it would seem that the hurdles within their relationship where begin to pop up into their relationship. Yet he knew that he would do anything to make it as smooth a path for them as possible, he had no intension on letting his second chance at life go. He lent over and kissed her gently on her lips, pulling back he slightly smiled, pulling the strand of hair that had fallen on her face. She weakly returned his smile, even though it was clearly cracked and frail.  
  
"Please Luv, don't fret. We'll sort it out." Spike spoke trying to reassure her.  
  
"Okay," was all she was capable of uttering.  
  
Both went back to eating or rather picking at the food that remained on their plates, round and around in circles it went on the plate. They sat their until Imogen had eaten as much as she was going to, and throwing the rest on the floor, trying to make the important people in her life smile at her antics, even though she seemed to do an abysmal job. Finally, Spike picked up his daughter from her high chair and rested her on his hip as he walked into the kitchen for a dishcloth to clean up the mess that she had left behind. Buffy watched as he went into the kitchen, as she got up to get the broom from near the back door top sweep up Imogens mess, he moped up the mess the best he could with the cloth missing large spots. Buffy motioned for him to leave the cleaning up to her and take Imogen upstairs for her bath and bed time, she knew that after that point she just didn't know where their night was going.  
  
He'd said to her that he wanted her to spend the night where she belonged 'in his bed', but tonight had been their first she supposed argument and she just wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. Did he expect her too eventually go upstairs to their bed of her own accord and wait for his reaction, or sit downstairs until he eventually took her to bed. She swallowed hard, he'd never shown such a possessive streak when there had just been the two of them, yet she wasn't afraid just a little unsure of it. He'd shown such needed for her tonight in some moments that was strangely reassuring to her, his needed for her too say that she was his was illuminating in showing what a strong hold she had in his life.  
  
Taking the initiative she walked out of the kitchen turning off all the lights as she went, she could see the clock on the wall display the time at 8.17pm. She turned her face upstairs as she heard him bath Imogen and the games he was entertaining the youngster with. Buffy walked along the hallway until she came into the master bedroom and turned on the lamps, giving the room a soft glow. Walking back into the hallway she walked into the nursery, turning on the light so as too illuminate the hallway so Spike could find his way back, and put his daughter to bed. Hopefully at the same time realise what awaited him in the master bedroom.  
  
Returning to the master bedroom, she rummaged through her side of the closet until she found exactly what she was looking for. Taking them out she went into the en suite to shower and change into something she hoped would make him stand there agog as he saw her. Spike could hear the water running in his bed room as he dried Imogen from her bath and carried her into the hallway, he could not notice that all the house lights were off bar two, Imogens room and the master bedroom. Quietly he walked across to the nursery, put his daughter into her pyjamas, and placed her into her cot. He watched as she began to settle down for the night, yet his mind couldn't wounder what in hell was going on in his bedroom.  
  
He could only speculate that Buffy had decided to move things into the bedroom, he shook his head at what he thought might be her attempt to placate him with sex. She still had somethings to learn about him, and one of those was as much as he loved being with her he would never accept her into his bed if she thought that she could manipulate him through sex. With a deep breath he walked out of Imogens room until he stood at the bedroom door, he pushed the door to find Buffy standing at the window pulling back the curtain to let the moonlight penetrate the room and illuminate her to his sight. His lips opened slightly at the sight that stood before him, as Buffy slowly turned around.  
  
She stood in a sheer black baby doll nightie and stockings that he'd brought her that day in the mall, the moonlight didn't hide any of her beauty as he could see every inch of her skin that peered through the fabric. She quietly sauntered towards him as her bare feet moved along the carpet.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Shhh," Buffy stopped in front of him as she pulled his face down for a kiss. "I'm where you want me. I want to show you how much I want you. How much I need you."  
  
"Buffy," Spike spluttered. "Sex isn't the answer to a disagreement."  
  
"I..." Buffy pulled back from him in astonishment. "This isn't about tonight! This is about you and me. This is about us, me wanting to be with you!" She quickly withdrew further into the room and grabbed her dressing gown that had sat on the dresser chair. Buffy quickly pulled it around her, covering herself from his sight.  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"You said that you wanted me her in your bed where I belonged!"  
  
"You've never initiated our making love before Buffy," Spike said matter of fact. "So why now? It seems such a coincidence?"  
  
"So you're saying that only you can make the first move? That's chauvinistic Spike!"  
  
"No I'm not Buffy! I'm stating fact!" he walked further into the room and stood before her. "I just want to know that this isn't about making things up too me about our disagreement or you manipulating or placating me with sex Buffy!"  
  
"How can you say that!" Buffy turned her hand towards his face, "God you can be a pig!" Spike grabbed her hand before her hand connected with his cheek, he pulled her close to his body as she tried to get her hand lose form his. He wound his other hand around her waist to hold her to him, "Let me go!"  
  
"Tell me that this not because of the argument! Tell me that you're here because you want me! That you want to feel me inside you and feel us as one!" Spike pulled her as close as he could to his body as he ground his erection into her and made obvious to her his desire for her. "That you love me, want me and need me!"  
  
"I've already told you that I want and need you! Fuck Spike, are you thick!" Buffy tried to pull away from him. "What am I supposed to do? Wait for your majesty to always tell me when you want to fuck me!"  
  
"We don't fuck Buffy! We never have!" Spike was taken aback by her language, it was not what he expect to hear from her and he didn't like it, not one bit. "We make love Buffy!"  
  
"How would I know the difference Spike? For all I know this is just a fuck for you!"  
  
"Buffy where in bloody hell did this come from?" Spike looked at her with a quizzical frown. "Do you want to know what a fuck is Buffy? Do you?" He bodily picked her up, grasping her hips onto his own as he forced her to hold onto him, as he quickly moved forwards and slammed her onto the wall. He untied her dressing gown and pulled it apart, grasping the fragile fabric of the nightie he pulled onto it as it tore under his grip, baring her breasts to him. He swiftly to one of her breasts into his mouth as he roughly sucked on the peak and bit it softly, his free hand grasped her panties at the side and tried to tear it apart. Buffy pushed at his shoulders as his assault upon her began to frighten her, even in his dark passion he could hear her pleas for him to stop.  
  
He raised his head to see her tears streak her cheeks and the fear in her eyes, he immediately released her from his grip. He stumbled backwards until his feet felt the back of their bed, he feel backwards onto it clutching his hands to his face in disbelief at what he had done. "Buffy I'm sorry." He couldn't look at her and see what he'd done to her. "Buffy please, I'm sorry. Please don't be afraid..." He got up, but still didn't look at her as he left the room. She watched him walk to to the guest room, open the door and close it behind him, as she wiped the tear that ran down her cheek. She walked to the bed and lay down on it, she closed her mind to the world around her but she couldn't block out the sobs that she heard come from the guest room. Buffy closed her eyes as she curled herself into a ball and allowed the tears to overcome her, and after along time thankfully sleep.  
  
She dreamed of days filled with joy with him and Imogen, nights filled with passion and love and the nightmare of Riley. Around and around they played in her mind until her ultimate nightmare, Spike became Riley as he tore at her clothes as she begged him to stop. She struggled against the dream until she woke up in damp sheets from the sweat that covered her body. The images that filled her dreams flowed through her mind, she shivered at her subconscious comparing Spike to Riley, and it made her feel like she wanted to vomit. Deep down she knew that his reaction tonight had come from a dark side of him that he'd never revelled to her before, one that she knew he'd never release on purpose. The person she saw was not the Spike she knew, and his immediate reaction after it confirmed it, he was sickened by his own actions. Not wanting to ever feel this fear of any man again, she took the strength she'd found in herself through him, and decided to do the only thing that she could. Confront him.  
  
Spike lay in the guest room sickened and disheartened, he lay quietly for hours still in his rumpled clothing, just laying there waiting for her to leave the house, but she never did. He could see that she still had the lights on in the bedroom as a soft light penetrated from under the doorframe. The night had just gone for bad to worse, he knew that all his actions had be unfounded and unforgiving, he rightly fucked up badly. Spike desperately wanted to go back to her, hold her as she lay in their bed and comfort her, but he knew that this was just wishful thinking. Some where deep inside he wished that she had left the house, because wanting to hold her wouldn't be an option and at least if she left he knew that she was angry with him. Yet with her lying in the next room he could only guess at what she was thinking, and that was what so hard to try to imagine at this time. He turned over in the bed, punching into the pillow in frustration as he heard a soft cry from the hallway, with a lot of effort he placed his feet on the ground and got out of the bed.  
  
Walking into the hall he went into Imogens' room as her cries intensified into howls, he picked her up from her cot, and lifted her to his nose. Her needs were obvious, as he placed on the change table and attended to her, but she continued to cry with hunger. Spike peered through the door to find the master bedroom door still closed, he made his way down to the kitchen to prepare a bottle for her. Placing it into the microwave, he waited for the milk to heat up, murmuring to Imogen and gently stroking her head he tried to soothe her with soft words. He never saw the figure stand in the shadows watching his back as he stood in front of the microwave, tenderly attending to his child.  
  
Buffy felt her insides hurt at this display between father and daughter, Spike was so complicated, images flowed through her mind of him, as father, friend and lover, but this was one that always affected her the most. He always seemed to let everything go when he was just with Imogen, she knew that he was slowly letting her invade every part of his life, his daughter included. She reflected on how he must have felt when he learnt that she hadn't told her friends about Imogen, she imagined it would have been devastating as his daughter was the central focus in his world. Even if she left, Imogen would always be there. Buffy swallowed hard as she realised the extent of the devastation she must have caused him.  
  
One strong truth here was he had become the centre of her world, and Imogen was a part of him, an extension of him. She'd always accepted that, but why she'd never acknowledged her to her friends was a terrible mistake, a mistake that she intended to rectify as soon as she could, and whether they accepted that or not was up to them. Buffy had a more important thing to do in the here and now, try and regain ground over what had been lost between them last night. Walking out of the shadows as the microwave pinged she watched as he struggled with his distressed daughter and trying to retrieve the bottle from where it stood.  
  
"Give Imogen to me," Buffy now stood behind him, holding her hands out to take the child. She saw the ruddy look of his eyes and the grey shadows that lay under them, and the look of shock was clearly written on his face. Without any hesitation, his handed Imogen over to her.  
  
Taking her from him, she sat herself down onto the nearest chair and began too gently rock the youngster on her lap, softly talking to her with soothing words. Imogen laid her head onto her shoulder, gulping in deep breaths between cries of hunger, Buffy stroked her hand over her back and head. Spike tested the heat of the drink and as he approached them with the bottle, he sat in the opposite chair with his hands out ready to take Imogen back to feed her. Buffy shook her head, lifted Imogen into a laying position in her lap, and took the bottle from him, offering it to the child that lay within her arms.  
  
Spike sat back into the chair, his arms lay in his lap as he finally allowed himself to properly look at her as she feed Imogen, and he saw that she had on one of his black t-shirts beneath the dressing gown that she'd earlier been wearing. He could hear Imogen noisily suck on the bottle and the rush of air between gulps, he watched as Buffy turned the bottle occasionally and change the angle she held it at as Imogen feed. Finally, his daughter finished the bottle, Buffy placed the bottle on the table and handed Imogen back to Spike so that he could pat and rub her back to burp her. She got out of her chair, moving into the kitchen to rinse the bottle, she heard Spike get out of his chair and walk out of the room. His steps on the staircase softly echoed through out the house.  
  
She gathered all the strength that she had, as she quickly followed in his footsteps back up to the nursery, she waited patiently at the doorframe as she watched him put Imogen back to bed and settle her in. She still stood there as he tried to leave the room, he wouldn't meet her gaze she could feel the guilt and sorrow pouring from him. She let him slightly pass her as she grabbed his hand and halted his further passage out; leading him by the hand, she walked them back into the master bedroom. She brought them to a standstill in front of the bed, she turned to face him and began to undress him. He did nothing to help her, just looked at her as she went about what she was doing, his shirt was pulled from his body, and his trouser undone and slide down his hips as she completed her task. Undoing the dressing gown she stood beside him just in the t-shirt and panties.  
  
Getting into the bed she moved to her side, pulled back the covers and got under them, drawing the bed covers down she put out her hand in invitation to him. Accepting, he moved onto and beneath the sheets on the bed, he came to lie on his side facing her. Buffy moved closer to him as she drew him into her embrace and slid closer to his body, she rested her hand over his and drew it around her waist, leaving her hand to rest on his on waist.  
  
"Sleep," was her only word that broke the heavy silence between them.  
  
He closed his eyes at her command and let the tension that had come to rack his body flow from him, he felt her shift slightly as he felt her lips gently brush his own. Still unable to open his eyes, he returned the soft gesture with his own, pulling her as close as he could too himself. With a sense of great relief, he could feel himself give into sleep as he heard her final words.  
  
"No matter what happens, you and Imogen are my world. Let nothing come between us, ever Spike. You are my sanctuary." 


	13. Friends

From Night to Day

Thanks Kar for another fab edit job....

Chapter Eighteen

Friends

Buffy woke as the morning rays of the sun penetrated through the curtains edge, a dim light spread through the room as she looked around her. She lay on her side with Spike cuddling her from behind, as they lay spooned together in their bed; she slightly stretched herself against him. Feeling her movements Spike pulled her closer towards his body as she arched her back, not content with that he slipped his hand under the shirt she'd gone to bed in and glided it up over her breast. Buffy could feel his breathing become deeper and increase in pace; he gently squeezed the globe in his hand, rolling the hardening peak between his fingers. With a start, he awoke pulling himself away from her, remembering his actions from the night before, he slid to the furthest point on their bed he could.

"I'm sorry," he started to pull the linen away from his body, turning himself over to climb out. Buffy reached over halting his progress, pulling him back into the bed and covering them both with the linen.

"It's okay," Buffy ran a hand up to his cheek and lightly kissed him on the mouth.

"I don't know what to say...I," he stumbled on his own words. "Forgive me."

Buffy pulled him closer into a deeper embrace, as she wrapped herself around him like a safe cocoon. Responding to her touch he tightened his own hold on her, he kissed the top of her head, grateful that she hadn't left after the treatment he'd given her last night. He felt like ripping his own hands off for touching her like he had. His gut tightened in revulsion at the thought of what he could have done in his angry response to her wondering if she was just 'a fuck to him'. So many bad memories of the last 12 months had surfaced to the top, threatening to destroy what he'd gained over the last few months with Buffy. The total truth was that he wasn't going to let anything or anyone take her away from him, her own insecurities or any outside influences like her friends. Yet this was no excuse for how he'd reacted, he could only imagine the horror that she must have gone through as he pushed her up against the wall, as felt his own pain flood through his system.

"You scared me," Buffy whispered against his shoulder. "You really scared me."

"I shouldn't have done it Luv. I have no excuse for myself," Spike ran a hand down her hair. "You must think me an evil soulless thing."

"No..." Buffy pulled her head away from his shoulder. "You've proven yourself to me over and over again, yes this isn't what I would have hoped for you to have done, but we'll work through it." Buffy looked directly at him and with the inner resolved that she'd discovered so long ago with his help and as contradictory as that sounded she warned him. "You do it again and I'll punch you in the nose!"

Spike pulled himself back from her as she made her intentions clear that she wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour like that ever again. He closed his eyes as he digested her words of warning, he doubted that it would just be a punch in the nose, more like leave him and rip his world apart, something that he knew he couldn't survive a second time. Losing his wife had been bad enough, but to lose his second chance was unforgivable.

"I'll try sweetheart, I'm sorry...so sorry," Spike kissed her sweetly on the lips, soft gentle kisses, not demanding but reassuring her of his commitment and need of her.

"It's not that simple, Spike," Buffy held his face between her hands. "You get another chance, don't fuck it or me around....." Buffy pulled her head around to the door as her words were stopped by the soft cries of need from Imogen's room, pulling the linen away from them she pulled herself away from his form. "I don't want anything coming between us ever either Spike, but when are you going to learn..." Her words fade against the now howling cry of Imogen in the back round.

Disparaged at her words he abruptly pulled himself away from her and got out of the bed, he couldn't say anything to her because he knew that he deserved every one of her words. The stung deep down into his soul, and burned his flesh deeper than any wound could. Turning away from her, he left the bedroom and made his way to his scrawling daughter, pushing the door open he saw her standing up in her cot, holding onto the bars crying her heart out, he couldn't see her face as it was hidden by the bars of the cot. Buffy had seemed to have followed him, as she pushed passed him and went to the crying infant.

Recognising her cries, she knew what her immediate need was, a new diaper. Pulling her out of the cot, she continued to cry but not as much as before, being in Buffy's arms soothed her mood. She cooed and patted Imogen;s back between getting things ready for her on the change table, lying the little girl down she unclasped her pyjama bottoms she went about the task. Spike just stood there, watching on in amazement at Buffy as she concentrated on her charge, he seemed to have missed seeing that despite not being the little girls mother, Buffy recognised Imogen's cries. It would seem that she had for a very long time, when he really thought about it, he'd been bleating on about wanting and hoping that she would take on a nurturing role in his child's life, and it seemed like she already had. Maybe he hadn't seen it, too frightened that she never would want too be that involved with Imogen, 'stupid git!' he berated himself.

"She loves you," Spike spoke quietly behind her, "you know that don't you?"

"Yes I know," Buffy finished changing the child and lifted her back into her arms, holding the girl against her chest, smelling the lovely scent that the baby now gave off. "I love her too."

"You've got her wrapped around your little finger." Spike continued just to talk above a whisper. "Just like you have me." He quietly moved away from the doorframe he now leaned on and walked down the corridor down towards the staircase.

Looking down at the little girl in her arms, she thought about his departing words, talking a deep breathe she moved the baby higher onto her hip, as she carried the youngster down the corridor and onto the landing of the staircase. "Your dad can be so thick sometimes, I just want to hit him over the head," Buffy ruffled her soft hair as Imogen began making 'ba ba ba' sounds. Surprised at the new sounds out of the little girl she clambered down the staircase and into the kitchen where Spike stood in front of the microwave heating Imogens' milk. 'Ba-ba' Imogen squealed out the sounds, clapping her hands together as Buffy sat down at the dinning table, her surprise forgotten once she saw how lost he looked. Spike taking the bottle from the microwave he handed it to her, as Imogen flapped her hands in direction of her drink, Buffy held the bottle until she began sucking on the teat.

"So lit bit, after breaky are we going to get ready?" Buffy spoke to the youngster as she feed her. "Maybe your pretty red dress and stripy stockings?"

"Ready?" Spike questioned her. "For what?"

"Coffee," Buffy looked defiantly at him. "Remember café, coffee, seats, table, chatter and....my friends."

"Friends? Right. You're gonna meet your friends for coffee?" Spike turned back towards the sink and threw a pile of cutlery that lay on the side of the sink into it. "I would have thought that we could have spent the day together Buffy." The large clang was enough to startle Imogen as she drank, looking around her she saw her father in distress and began pulling away from Buffy, struggling against the tight hold she had on the youngster, Imogen held her hands out for her father.

"Spike," Buffy took the fidgety child over to him. "We are spending the day together. Remember day to meet the friends? Need to introduce boyfriend to friends and friends to boyfriend's baby. Does that ring a bell for you?"

"God, I can be a right fucking stupid git?" Grasping onto the sink she watched as the blood drained from his hands at the pressure he was exuding on them. "Fuck! Can I get anything right?" Running a hand through his short curly hair he whispered more profanities, watching him struggle within himself Buffy placed a hand over one of Imogens ears.

"Spike please...innocents in the room!" Buffy handed Imogen finally over to her father. "Please don't pull yourself apart about this...what's happened...we've both been through enough grief today and last night Spike...let it go okay. I need you to let it go."

"Fine," he spoke quietly, pulling Imogen onto his hip he looked at his daughter as she played with a tuff of a curl of hair. "Okay lil bit time for a bath."

Buffy stood there as she watched him disappear upstairs, she glared a little bit at the uneaten baby food on the table; Imogen would have to be brought back to eat the poor mite. But quickly as the thought entered, it was replaced by a more pleasing one, one that would show him that she was really serious about what she said. Running up the stairs she heard the faucet of the bath go on as she ended up at the doorframe of the bathroom, she looked on as Spike undressed Imogen, letting the water fill the bath. Holding the baby in his hand, he held the thermometer in the water making sure that it wasn't to hot, he placed Imogen into the bath ring that was suctioned onto the bath floor, giving stability and something for the youngster to hold onto as she sat in it.

Spike began to wash her, fully aware that Buffy stood at the doorframe but what he didn't expect was for a naked Buffy to touch his shoulder and pull him away from the bath. With little delay, Buffy pulled Imogen out of the bath ring and pulled it out of the bath and onto the floor, making sure she was careful as she lowered herself into the bath with Imogen squealing in her arms. With a gobbed smacked Spike looking on, he sat back onto his haunches as he watched the two play in the water, Buffy squeezing the squeaky toys at Imogen as she tried to take them from her hands. Buffy played with Imogen for a while until she finally looked at him, smiling she turned the taps back on letting the water begin to cover them both, careful not to add too hot water.

"Well Spike?" Buffy looked questionably at him. "You look like you need a bath, too."

Taking the hint he stood and undressed himself quickly, standing now naked on the side of the tub he felt a little awkward. Buffy pulled herself forward as she made room for him to climb in behind her, feeling the swish of the water, she looked back as she watched him settle himself behind her. Pushing her herself back between his legs, she made a groove for herself and Imogen as she lay back onto his chest, she arranged Imogen onto her shoulder letting his daughter begin to pull on her fathers nose.

After those first awkward moments she could feel him begin to relax against her, as Imogen tried to crawl over her and get to her father as he pulled faces at her. Buffy sighed at the feeling of contentment she felt, they were together enjoying a quiet moment they deserved considering the line of fire they maybe heading into this afternoon. Feeling Spike kiss her shoulder, she turned around and kissed him gently on the lips as much as their awkward positioned allowed. Not happy at missing out Imogen banged her hand between the adults and lifted her face towards Buffy as she demanded a kiss too.

Buffy looked behind her, "I think Daddy brought his own toys with him into the bath." Buffy giggled as Spike's trademark cocky smirk filled his face and as she looked down into the water, couldn't help but add, "Down boy!"

Later that day both approached the main street of the city shopping district, Buffy pushed the stroller that Imogen sat in, as Spike walked with his hand around her shoulder. Occasionally stoping to look at the windows of the stores, or going into them to pick up a few items that caught their eye, especially the new skirt that caught Buffy's keen eye, she almost revolted when Spike pulled out his wallet to pay for it. Giving in to him only after she noticed the price tag and knew she could never afford it, putting it back on the rack at one stage only to have him rip it out of her hand and taking it himself to the sales clerk.

Looking at her watch she noticed the time and mentioned to him that it was time to meet with her friends. With an even slower pace, they made the way to the Espresso Pump, the popular coffeehouse of the area, from the outside it looked like no one was there yet. Sitting herself at one of the tables, pulling a seat aside to make way for the pram, Spike sat himself next to her.

"Nervous?" Spike took one of her hands that sat on the table.

"A kinda little scared," Buffy tightened her grip on his hand "But only a little."

Weaving her way to them a waitress asked for their order, shrugging her shoulders to Spike in reply to what she wanted, he ordered them a coffee each. Moving around to the pram he took out a juice for Imogen and handed it to Buffy, at the site of a drink the youngster greedily made a grab for the bottle. Leaning over the pram she held it for the youngster as she drank from it, her ears pricked up as she heard familiar voices behind them coming from the shop. She could hear their chatter as they sat down inside, not sure what they were doing she turned to face them, trying to catch one of their attentions, she began to wave her hand.

Tara was the first to notice them as she turned her attention to the frantic hand movements of her friend, with an unsure smile on her face, she placed a hand on her girlfriends arm and pointed to the couple seated outside. Willow turned her face towards them, a look of shock filled her face as she looked over the three people that sat in front of her; quickly whipping the look of her face, she waved and began to get out of her chair. Xander as usual was the last to catch on, doing a double take, his jaw hit the ground as he watched his friend with the stroller beside her with a baby on board, Spike still hadn't caught his attention yet.

Buffy could hear Willow's words to Xander, 'that he'd better pick his mouth of the floor', as the two women got out of their seats to join the couple seated outside, leaving the young man seated by himself. Walking their way to the front of the seats, Willow and Tara came to stand in font of the couple; Imogen spat the bottle out of her mouth now that she had new people looking at her so quizzically. Buffy quickly retrieved the bottle from the stroller and placed it onto the table, wiping the youngster face with a serviette as the drink poured down her face.

"Hey, Buffy," Willow was the first to sit down next to the pram as she ran a hand down Imogen's head smoothing the curls of her hair. "Who's this little angel?"

"Willow and Tara, this is Imogen," Buffy sat back in her chair and leaned back towards Spike. "And this is William."

"Willow. Tara," Spike leaned over to grasp gently each of the young women's hands in greeting. "Finally we meet and I must say very beautiful ladies. You never said, Buffy," with that comment, he got a quick jab in the ribs from Buffy.

It would seem that finally a very reluctant Xander joined the group, standing behind the last vacant seat next to Spike, he just stood there. Spike stood himself up, and placed a hand out, "William, but Spike to me mates."

"Xander," was all that the man could garble out of his mouth, his look of distrust all over his face. With some reluctance and evil looks from Willow and Tara, he took the other mans hand and shook it, almost too painfully he applied too much pressure, and was returned with an even firmer hand shake. "Ouch!"

"Sorry," Spike looked back at Buffy as a frown covered her face. "Don't know my own strength sometimes."

With some relief, the first awkward moments were over as the waitress interrupted on cue with the original coffees ordered by the two earlier. The remaining trio ordered themselves a variety of drinks and cakes, still Xander just stared at the couple with the baby in tow. Buffy could see the cogs go around in Xander's mind, and she just wanted to reach over the table and tell him to 'get over' whatever was going through his mind. She would have been a fool not to imagine that he would be some what resistant to Spike and Imogen, but out and out rudeness was not acceptable.

"So you're not a bit of Buffy's' imagination then?" Willow turned away from playing peekaboo with Imogen. "She's been very secretive about you two."

"No, definitely not part of her imagination, she probably didn't want to share my dashing good looks and charming personality." Spike chuckled.

"Confident of yourself aren't you?" Xander started in on his target.

"Xan...der!" Tara quietly added taken aback by his words.

"What...what?" Xander asked Tara back. "What I do wrong now?"

"Opened mouth and inserted foot in the first five minutes of meeting someone," Willow glared back at him. Looking at Spike with an apologetic smile, "Please forgive him, he still hasn't mastered the tricky complicated social aspect of manners yet."

"I'm sure that he'll be a fast learner," Spike laughed at the younger man at the table. "Sure we'll be great mates."

"I've seen you at the campus, you must work at the university?" Tara asked the obvious question to move them away from what Xander did and didn't need to learn.

"Yeah....Tara?" Spike turned towards the pretty quiet girl seated a few chairs away, as she nodded to his question. "Work in the money division, nothing interesting but it pays the bills."

"Work in the money division," Buffy nearly splattered the sip of coffee she had out of her mouth and over Imogen. "You're the head of the division," a few surprised looks went around the table between the trio of friends.

"So if we want a discount on our fees we just come and see you?" Willow laughed.

"Sorry no discounts....even family," Spike smirked as he ran a hand over Buffy's shoulder, in silent observation to others of marking his family for the world to see.

"You're English?" Xander enquired. "If your English what brings you to little old Sunnydale?"

"Grew up in merry ol' England and moved here a few years ago with me dad, once my folks split." Spike answered him.

"Your wife where's she? I mean a baby doesn't pop out off thin air?" Xander started in on Spike again, "Ouch!" he spluttered out as Willow kicked him under the table.

Quietness covered the table as Spike glared at the man's insensitive questions, Buffy's mouth dropped a little, Willow looked like she just wanted to disappear under the table, and Tara looked away and down from the group. Imogen began to bang on the table after hearing 'baby' and began with a litany of 'ba-ba ba-ba', Buffy pulled the baby closer to her body and tightened her hold on the little girl in a protective gesture towards the questioning.

"Imogen's mom..."Buffy stopped as Spike put a hand over one of her own, and gave her a half hearted smile with a 'let me explain' look.

"I'm a widower," Spike spoke quietly. "I lost my wife in a car accident if you must know, she died having Imogen." Gasps from the girls broke the silence on the table, Xander's mouth dropped as his head dropped in disbelief that he'd asked such questions, not realising what he was really asking.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked."

"No, you shouldn't have Xander," Buffy accused her friend her anger boiling to the surface. "Are you happy with your answer?"

"Sorry." Xander stood and pushed his chair away from the table. "Maybe I should just um...go." Willow began to nod her head, and started to get up as well.

"Hey...no need to go," Spike looked at the standing two and Tara pushing her chair back. "I'm sure that the boy meant nothing by it. Let's just forget about it. Start again?"

Buffy motioned with her hand for the others to sit back down, as she turned to the man seated next to her, she gave him a brilliant smile and a quick gentle kiss as she expressed her pleasure at his gesture towards Xander. They sat quietly for a few moments before the waitress came with the others coffee and food that they'd ordered, stirring sugar and other condiments into their coffee's they sat there in silence. Until Buffy hit on an idea that might just break the ice, she knew that the girls would probably cringe but it might at least give the boys something in common.

"So Xander, still think Chelsea's going to win the UFA?" Buffy spoke towards him.

"Chelsea! Those bunch of wankers...no way." Spike almost salivated at the mention of football. "Bugger...a Chelsea fan?" shaking his head he continued. "Manchester mate...Manchester are gonna beat the living sh..."

"Spike!" Buffy interjected.

The girl's raised their eyebrows towards Buffy as she smiled and shrugged her shoulder's, 'at least it's something for them to talk about' she mouthed at them as both men where no engaged in animated discussion over the football season. Both of the girls shrugged there shoulders in return and began fawning over the baby, as they talked about assignments and the latest shoes available at the mall.

Glancing over the group it would seem to any passer by that they were just a group of friends, plus one baby having coffee and chatting. Buffy smiled into Imogen's hair as she held the youngster in her arms, hopefully this first meeting would lead to many more, as long as Xander kept his mouth shut on occasion. She just hoped that Manchester won over the weekend so that it didn't give Xander something to dig Spike at in the future, but then again she didn't doubt the fact that it would give Spike something to gloat about over to Xander. That thought gave Buffy something alone to rub her hands in glee with, Xander being goaded by someone else for a change.


	14. Past Times

From Night to Day

Chapter Nineteen

By Mercy

NC-17

A/N : Thanks to Kar (Karbear57) for being the forever Mercy soundboard and edit job. Slackerace for hanging in there and waiting, waiting for me to get off my butt and write something, with more of her fantastic editing. Meli for her usual fab edit job and her enthusiastic passion for the fanfic . All three pick up my obvious grammar mistakes, and even more embarrassing my spelling errors.

_Past Times_

_Three weeks later…_

Seated amongst others in the final class of the year, Buffy rhythmically tapped her pen against her notebook in front of her as she tried to focus on what her lecturer was saying. Her thoughts were elsewhere, lost in a myriad of ideas and plans for her vacation. All she really wanted to do was get out of the stuffy classroom and get on with her holiday. Time free of going to class, writing essays and having such little time with the people that meant so much to her.

Her train of thought was broken by the clanging and banging with the cheers of students as the class had apparently finished. She'd been so far away that she didn't even noticed that despite trying so hard to concentrate on what was going on around her. Picking up her bag, she placed her belongings inside it and pulled herself out of the chair. Making her way outside the building, she was determined to get out of there as quickly as possible. Waiting outside stood her friends huddled together, all elated that the academic year was finally over. Willow waved her hand in greeting and gestured for her to join the group. Picking up her pace, she made her way over towards them.

"Hey guys," Buffy smile spread over her face. "It's finally over for the year."

"Yep Buff, another glorious year of academic torture finished," Xander sighed with relief. "Can't believe that it's over."

"Or that he passed," Willow gave her friend a little dig at his academic achievement.

"Buutt he passed," Tara interjected against her girlfriend's ribbing of Xander. "Not like some other people that just fleww through." Willow went a bright red as Tara pointed out the obvious for all.

"Doesn't matter who did better than whom. Just that we all survived this hell mouth of higher education," Buffy laughed at the comments flying around her. "I need a coffee and I need one now."

"A great idea oh wise one," Xander pointed towards the quickly filling campus café. "Or do I dare suggest the Espresso Pump."

"Sounds like a great idea to me," Buffy nodded her head. All in agreement, they made their way across the courtyard and towards the path that would take them off the campus and into the town centre.

Sitting across from him discussing the academic year, sat the smartly dressed and coiffed Dru. Buffy's teacher and his work colleague, not that he had sought her out to associate himself with. She'd found him sitting by himself looking over next year's budgets sipping coffee and lost in deep thought. She had to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention, startling him so much that he dropped the file in his hand onto the floor. Of course, she _graciously _picked up the file for him, and he couldn't help but notice the obvious posture she used to give him an eyeful of her bust. Nor had she missed the quick flash of distrust blaze across his irises as he watched her pick up the file.

The conversation between them at this point had been one sided, mostly she spoke and he feigned interest in what she was saying. Occasionally nodding as she spoke, but the conversation was quickly turning to a more personal nature as she began to delve into his personal life. He began to notice exactly where this conversation was heading; an interrogation about Imogen and more worrying about his relationship with Buffy. She even tried to pry information out of him regarding personal aspects with his relationship with his daughter. Dru was dropping hints that she would "just love to meet the precious little angel" or they should "take her to the park one day". Spike rubbed his jaw in anguish about how he politely was going to get out of this.

Trying to smile the best he could without grimacing he finally spoke. "Look Dru, thanks for the offer but I think that you've got the wrong idea about me," Spike's tone was softso as not to draw attention to them. "I'm not interested …"

"I don't think that I have anything wrong Spike." With that, she moved her chair closer to his, and slid her hand down his thigh. "I think that what I want would make everything right." She now lightly cupped his crotch.

"Dru…" he tried in vain to pull himself away from her hand, "as much as I do find you a very attractive and smart woman. I'm with someone else."

"Ha! That little girl?" She slowly began to massage the flesh beneath her hand discreetly under the table. "She couldn't satisfy a man like you. Does she let you do all those wicked things that _I know_ you'd really like to do to her. The girl is just too prissy to let you do anything like _we_ did. But me, I'll let you do anything that you'd like…and _everything_ else that you'd ever fantasised about."

"It was a mistake," Spike tried to reason with her. "I shouldn't have slept with you. Dru, I'm sorry but I was out of my mind with grief and a fucking lot of J.D."

"It wasn't a mistake," Dru became more insistent. "I don't make mistakes Spike. You and I had so much fun. Why can't we play our game again? I can teach you so many new _fun_ games."

"Look Dru, get your hand off me or I'll …" Spike whispered and slightly leaned back in his seat. Lifting his hand over hers' to ensure that it was moved away from his pants. However, the second that he placed his hand over her own a hushed "oh my god" came from behind the two seated at the table.

Turning around, Spike saw Buffy and her friends standing and watching him as he sat with his hand over Dru's fingers which rested over his crotch. Buffy was so close, that Spike was sure that she'd heard every damning word Dru said to him regarding to their one night stand. Betraying him to his dirty little secret that he'd rather forget had never happened. Buffy stood frozen in front of Spike, her face emotionless as she assimilated what had just happened. Her eyes followed his form and she flinched slightly as they came to rest on his crotch area. For a few moments she didn't blink; didn't move her eyes from the spot on which they were fixated on. With a quick shift of her gaze, Buffy summed Dru up as she moved forward and dropped her bag onto the table at which the two where sitting.

"I believe that you have your hand on something that belongs to me," Buffy threw down the gauntlet. "So kindly take your hand off him before _I break your fingers_."

"So sure of yourself," Dru lifted her hand away from Spike's pants. "For such a little miss."

"Dru please just leave…" Spike tried to pull back the conversation to some civil level, "Buffy love, calm down. It isn't worth it."

"Not worth it Spike," Dru looked disgusted at Spike for being so easily dismissed by him. "I remember the way you howled as we fucked all night." Turning to Buffy a malicious smile came over her face. "Every time and every way you came. Such an animal isn't he? Such a special gift to be able to fuck for hours and hours."

"Dru leave," Spike spoke through gritted teeth. "Now."

"Why? And spoil all the fun," Dru sat back into her chair. "Naughty Spike, to think that I would ruin everyone's fun."

"Like I said Dru it was a mistake that I deeply regret," Spike tried to get it through to her that he wasn't interested, but he didn't seem to be getting his message across. "Nothing is ever going to happen again. So just give it up pet. Told you that I was taken."

Grabbing his briefcase from under the table, Spike quickly began stacking the files from the table into the case. Looking desperately at Buffy, he clicked the lid shut and stood up to leave. Buffy stood there her features now filled with hurt and denial as she just stared vacantly into his face. Moving away from the table, Spike walked over to Buffy's side and took her hand, grabbing her bag that lay on the table he handing it to her. He led her away from the debacle that Dru had started. Spike looked at Buffy's friends, he couldn't miss the look of disappointment that sat on the girls' faces, and of abhorrence on Xander's face. Casting his eyes to the ground, he quickly guided Buffy away from the scene and into the side alley that was just down the street. Her friends quickly followed behind, concerned for the wellbeing of Buffy at this dramatic event.

Walking into the alleyway to provide them with a private shelter from the busy street, Spike led Buffy deeper into the shadowed part of the alley. Xander, Willow and Tara stopped just short of the retreating couple, following closely behind. Xander placed one hand on Spike's shoulder pulling him away from his shell-shocked friend. Spike didn't stop the other male coming to stand in between himself or his girl. Xander with a single hand pushed him as far away from Buffy as he could. She herself took a step back until she came to rest on the cool masonite of the walls that shrouded the alley. Her hands rubbed her face as if to wipe away what had just happened from her sight and her memory.

"What the hell was that?" Xander accused his friends' supposed boyfriend. "You two timing Buffy?"

"No." A short and simple answer came from Spike.

"You slept with her behind Buffy's back," Xander raised his hand forming a fist. "Couldn't keep it in your pants."

"Look here mate," Spike began to move inch by inch closer to the younger man, "I ain't sleeping with anyone beside Buffy. Not that it's your bloody business. I don't fuck around."

"How do we know? You've just demonstrated to the whole world that you fuck around," Xander's voice began to seethe as his temper rose. "We just saw you!"

"What you saw was me trying to politely tell her that I'm not interested and never will be. That was until you showed up," Spike tried to control the rage inside of him. All he wanted to do was be alone with Buffy so that he could explain it all to her and her alone.

"Yeah with her hand over your dick," Xander took another inch closer toward Spike. "Very convincing."

"Bullocks! You obviously didn't hear the conversation or what the hell was going on between me and her," Spike pushed him away and turned around for a moment. "This is between me and Buffy, not you or your friends. So back off Xander, you know nothing about what happened."

"I think I know…." Xander's attention was broken as he was interrupted by one of the girls.

"Xanddder," Tara tried to warn him off, "please leavvve them alone."

"Xan! Let him explain," Willow pulled on his arm moving him away from the couple. "Let him explain to Buffy without an audience."

"What audience?" Xander spat out.

"Hello…us," Willow took Tara's hand and walked away from them. "Now Xander."

Looking at Buffy as she stood hunched in her spot against the wall, Xander took a timid step away from them. "Buffy you want me or Will you'll call us. Cell phone's on." He took another step away from the two and looked back at Spike. "Don't play her for a fool Spike or I'll poke your eye out and your neither regions. Capice?"

"Yeah," he spoke quietly and reluctantly towards the other male, setting his briefcase down onto the pavement next to his feet. "I'll let you know when I get her home."

He turned his head for the few minutes it took Xander to walk away and join the girls. Spike continued to watch until they disappeared down the street and couldn't be seen due to the shopfronts that protruded from the main street. Slowly he took a few short steps to where Buffy stood, sliding his hands into his pockets battling against the need to reach out and grab her for a hug.

"Buffy?" Spike softly spoke to her not wanting to scare her off. "Sweetheart?"

"Why?"

"The truth?" Spike ran his hand through his hair. "In simple terms, I hadn't moved on from my grief, love. I hadn't even moved into my place yet. Didn't even know a soul in town." His voice trembled as he continued to speak to her, having to explain what had happened before he'd even meet her made his stomach turn at the very memory. "I went to a bar, got drunk on grief and pissed on J.D. Slept with the first thing I met that resembled a female. That to my greatest stupidity, was Dru."

"You fucked my teacher," Buffy's words came out slowly and chillingly precise. "Before you slept with me? Have you fucked her since?" Tears threatened to pour from her eyes as she spat out angry accusations.

"Buffy, no!" Spike tried to touch her arm but she pulled away. "It was a one off and never again."

"How do I know that you're telling the truth? She certainly hasn't been playing hard to get."

"Because I love you. I'd never be stupid enough to do anything to make you turn away from me," Spike tried to make her see the truth in his words. "Bloody hell," Spike pulled himself away from her and retrieved his briefcase. "I've had enough of all this crap Buffy. I'm sorry that you had to see what happened today. I'm sorry that the grief I had for my dead wife lead me to booze and Dru. It was a mistake and if you can't handle that I've made mistakes in the past and stop acting like a stupid teenager then what are we doing here?"

"I am a 'stupid teenager'," Buffy nearly choked on her quiet reply.

"I didn't mean it like that," Spike tried to take his words back, "and you know it."

"Then how?"

"All I want is for you to realise that I fuck up tremendously and it was even before we got together."

"And that makes it all right does it?" Buffy began to bite on her lower lip.

"No it doesn't. I made a mistake Buffy. What else do you expect me to say? Do you want me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness?" Spike felt like banging his head against one of the walls of the alleyway.

"No…but I would have hoped that you would have told me before I found her with her hand on your dick," Buffy spat out in anger.

"I thought that I was getting through to her. That she understood I wasn't interested."

"Obvious to all the world but you," Buffy ran a hand down her face; the tension across it drew her brow into creases. "Are you so blind Spike?"

"I work with the damn woman, Buffy. What was I supposed to do? Get a court order against her from being 200 feet near to me?"

"What you should have done was told her straight and to the point," Buffy moved closer to him and began repeatedly pushing him with her index finger, "that you didn't want anything to do with her."

"Like you did with Riley?"

"You pig!" Buffy slapped him across the face. Hard. His face slid sideways as her hand slapped the skin, a loud smacking sound ricocheting across the alley. "This has no comparison you bastard."

"No?" Spike's mind whirled with the foolish words that had escaped his mouth. The sting from her hand burned down to his very being as he rubbed the reddening cheek. "Then why did it drag on for so long Buffy?"

"I don't have to explain anything to you."

"Then why are you treating me like dirt? Dirt you like to roll in may I remind you. I've explained to you what happened back at the café. I don't know what else you want to hear."

"Not the name of that scum sucking…" Buffy regained some composure, "never ever mention his name again Spike. Never."

"Fine. Sorry."

"What happened between Riley and me is my business," Buffy stared at him with an intensely strong gaze.

"Just like what I did before we became a couple has nothing to do with us. Or us, together here and now. Maybe you've forgotten just how much what happened between you two became my business. I protected you when you needed me the day I beat the living shit out of that bastard." Spike moved closer to her, his breath came to flowing over her face as he returned her intense gaze. "I tried to protect you from what I'd done with Dru. I didn't want you to find out what a wanker I'd been. Might begin to see me in a different light and not like what you saw."

"I..."

"Let me finish Buffy," Spike continued, "I've regretted every day what happened. At first I felt like I'd betrayed and cheated on my wife who was stuck in her cold grave. Then you came along and I fell in love, something that I never thought would ever happen again. I didn't want to risk losing you love, that's why I didn't say anything. Didn't want to lose my second chance."

"Second chance?" Buffy shivered as the raw emotions inside her came to the surface. All the hurt and anger seemed to be disappearing into nothing.

"Yeah love, you. You're my second chance. Thought that it would have been so bloody clear to you by now."

Buffy's head resonated with his words. Maybe what happened with Dru wasn't any of her business in a way, but it still hurt that Spike had even gone near her. It hurt that her teacher been with Spike before her, or worse even at all. It was sickening. Yet she had to face the fact that what he did before 'them' was really none of her business. Wiping her eyes, she looked at his face filled with conflicting emotions. His cheek muscles twitched under the strain of his hurt and his eyebrows were furrowed in concern for her and for them.

"Maybe I shouldn't have reacted the way I did," Buffy attempted to give him a smile; all she could muster was an awkward line. "But what else could I have done seeing you with her?"

"I don't blame you love. If I saw you with some other fellow…God help him." Spike slid his hand onto her cheek. "I'd be so jealous that I'd rip him limb from limb for daring to touch you."

"Spike," Buffy looked warily at him.

"Well I'd at least have to threaten him a little bit to scare the bugger off," Spike ran his thumb up and down over Buffy's cheek. "Have to claim what's mine."

"So I can be all Cave Woman Buffy if she tries anything again?"

"Buffy, you can be all cave woman you like," Spike laughed. "But just when we're alone…"

"You saying that I can't stand up for what's _mine_, but you can?"

"No. You proved you can be very assertive when you need to be love," Spike gently kissed her on the forehead. "Just want to be the only one that sees the Cave Woman Buffy. At home, in private."

"Home?" Buffy smirked.

"Yes, home. And since you brought it up can we get out of this alley and go home?" Spike looked seriously at her. "Think that we need to talk and get us some time alone." He slid his hand down her shoulder until it reached her palm and took her hand. Pulling it slightly he began to walk them away from their private spot and back into the crowd of people milling around on the street.

"Spike, I do trust you." Buffy pulled against his hand, making him stop and turn around. "Even when things go all mixy on me."

"Glad to hear it." He began walking again and this time she didn't even hesitate to walk alongside him as they made their way down the pavement. Halfway down the main street Spike pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and flipped the top. Buffy watched as he dialled a number and placed the phone to his ear. "Dad? Hey, can you do me a favour?" after a short period of silence, he continued. "How about looking after your adorable, loveable and precious granddaughter for me?" Spike turned to Buffy and winked. "Why? Need the night off, dad. Just want a quiet night out with Buffy, without having to worry about taking a little miss that now throws her food everywhere."

"Don't hassle your dad if he doesn't want to do it Spike," Buffy whispered at him, pulling on his elbow to get his attention.

"Come on Dad, please," Spike pleaded with his father. "I really need you to do this for me Dad." Spike looked at Buffy with a huge grin. "Great! When can you pick her up?"

"Spike, what are you doing?" again she pulled on his arm.

Moving the phone away from his ear he looked at her with a smirk on his face, "I'm taking my girl out for a night on the town, so that we can talk without a baby trying to steal all my thunder. I want all of your attention tonight Buffy. Just a night for the two of us." Placing the phone back towards his ear he continued talking to his father. "Great dad, say about 6 p.m. She'll be ready then. She's gonna love having you all to herself. Bye, dad."

"So what are you planning?" Buffy shook her head, he'd never taken her out without Imogen with them. "Are you sure you don't want to take Imogen?"

"No Buffy, definitely not tonight."

"Why not?"

"Cause tonight we talk about us."

"Oh..." Buffy could just breathe.

"As in where are we going to be in a few years. Buffy, I want you to be assured that I'm not going anywhere. Never gonna leave your side for anything or anyone."

"Tonight?"

"Tonight."


	15. Night

From Night to Day

By Mercy

NC-17

A/N :WARNING **_FLUFF ALERT_**

My thanks to the hard work that all my betas, Kar, Meli and slackerace, put into beta reading my fic for me. They do it for free and I cannot express my thanks enough. I may write the story, but make it neat and correct for you to read, but we all share one thing, a shared passion for what we read and write.

Please enjoy…

Chapter 20

_Night _

Spike pulled the chair out from the table as Buffy waited at his side. He made a sweeping gesture with his hand, motioning for her to sit down. The room had a soft glow about it that came from tea light candles that sat in the middle of the table and were within a small glass cylinder. The refracting light created a subtle illumination, casting a soft shadow against the couple that now sat around the table's edge. Trust Spike to choose one of the most elegant restaurants in town and Buffy did not doubt that it was one of the most expensive as well.

Watching him sit, Buffy couldn't help but observe the firm trim figure of Spike's posture as he removed his tan short leather jacket and place it on the back of the chair. The room around them was opulent and held few patrons; tables were spaced at measured lengths from each other to give some semblance of privacy between diners' conversations. A waiter silently offered them each a menu and slipped a cloth napkin over Buffy's lap, returning to Spike and presenting him with a wine list. Turning away from them, the waiter retreated with a smile on his face uttering that 'he would return shortly for their order'.

"Pretty swish eh," Spike glanced from his menu to Buffy's eyes and around the room. "Does it meet your approval?"

"It's umm… it's more than I expected." Buffy glanced at the menu again, grimacing slightly as she realised that there were no prices listed. "We could have gone somewhere more…umm."

"What? Private?" Spike ran his hand over the table open and palm up. "We could go home if that's what you want." His usual cocky grin and suggestive raised eyebrow covered his face; Buffy couldn't help but feel the heat flood into her cheeks.

"Spike," Buffy was sure that her face was going beetroot red and placed her hand over his, squeezing it hard. "No. I mean less, you know… less expensive."

"Buffy, believe me I can more than afford this place." Spike used the grasp on her hand to pull her forward. "Besides nothing but the best for my girl. When are we ever going to get another chance to come here without my precious throw-her-food-everywhere daughter?"

"I would have been happy to have gone anywhere for dinner with or without Imogen." Buffy's gaze became intense and fiery. "It wouldn't have mattered as long as we had time together. This is so _way_ too much."

"Do you want to go?"

"No way. When would a girl in her right mind say no to get gussied up and then not be taken out on the town?" Buffy's smile spread across her face and she laughed softly. "I also get the pleasure of knowing that this is going to cost you dearly."

"You seem to have missed the fact that this place is quiet, and that the food is fantastic, it's romantic as hell, and that the most important thing is here already…"

"And that would be?"

"Me."

"So sure of yourself, mister?" Buffy looked away and down at the menu. "Okay, if that's the way you want it—I want shrimp for my appetizer, lobster as my entrée, and whatever's the most expensive for dessert."

"Me."

"What?" Buffy laughed softly, "You're what?"

"The most expensive thing on the menu for dessert," he lifted her hand bringing it to his lips for a light kiss and a covert light bite of the flesh between his teeth. "Though you taste just as delicious as any meal."

"Spike!" Buffy yelped as she pulled her hand away from his as he tried to lift it back towards his mouth. "I want to eat not to be eaten by you, thank you." Buffy went even brighter red as she'd said those words without realising it.

"You don't want me to what sweetheart? Don't want me to taste your tight wet…" Spike's grin spread from ear to ear.

"Spike, please not here." Buffy whispered as she felt flushed with a sudden rush of desire bolt through her body at just the thought of his suggestion.

"You might have to eat those words my love…." Interrupted by the return of the waiter with pad in hand to take their order making Spike stop as his inferences made her blush harder.

Buffy was true to her word and ordered the expensive appetizer and main entrée, but declined dessert. Spike ordered his own meal and refused dessert saying that they were 'saving that for home'. Buffy's mouth dropped to the floor and she had to restrain herself from either pulling the tablecloth over her head to disappear or hit Spike on the nose for being so blatantly forward.

Spike watched as Buffy fiddled with the cutlery that sat on the table in front of her, the soft clinging of metal against metal was the only sound that passed between them. He watched as Buffy's face tightened a little and as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Spike assumed it was in anticipation of what the 'talk' that they'd come here for was about. Even though it was blatantly obvious what they'd come here for to the two of them.

Spike still found it refreshing that in his sensual teasing, Buffy still got a little colour in her face when the heat between them was heated up in public. It pleased him that she reacted to him even if it was embarrassment and that Buffy was trapped in a whirlwind of images. Wickedly delicious things he fully intend on doing to her when they got home, but they had important things to do and talk about.

It was a pleasant change from Ellie….

…_Oh my god…_

Spike's teasing smile fell from his lips as they became pursed, and his eyes closed. He hadn't thought of his dead wife for so long and more shockingly he'd never once compared Buffy to her, not once. Spike knew that they were so unalike there was no comparison between them. Buffy was more…he stopped the thought there as he mentally kick himself; Spike couldn't start to contrast either woman against each other. It was wrong and somehow tainted the memory of his past with the future that he had with Buffy.

Ellie would always be a part of his life because of Imogen, and it saddened Spike for just a moment that she would never be around to see their little girl grow up. Yet on the other hand, Spike would never have had Buffy in his life and he couldn't deny that it would have been a horrendous injustice to never have experienced her. Though Spike knew that he probably would never have known the difference if Ellie had survived the car crash. Spike would have been happy anyway. He felt light pressure tighten around his hand and opened his eyes to look again at the woman that sat in front of him.

"What's wrong?" Buffy whispered, her voice laced with concern.

"Nothing," Spike weakly smiled. "Just thinking."

"About what?" Buffy looked even more concerned as it was obvious whatever he was thinking about had greatly affected him. "Please tell me."

"Really love it's nothing."

"You're a bad liar Spike." Buffy tried to pull away as the sensation of being unsure of herself began to arise within her. "Something's making you look like you want to crawl under the nearest rock."

"Sorry pet," Spike tightened the grip on her hand, "just thinking about the past."

"The car crash or Ellie?" Buffy's response was almost instinctual. "Or both?"

"Both—I was just thinking that she'll never be around to see Imogen grow up," Spike's grip even tightened harder on her hand. "What type of life I'd have if she'd survived the crash."

"Oh," Buffy almost choked.

"That it's kind of sad that if she hadn't been in that car crash, I would never would have known you. No one has consumed me with the love or passion that I feel for you," Spike pulled Buffy's hand to his lips again and kissed the soft flesh of her forehand. "Summers, you are my life. So much that I couldn't tell you just how much you mean to me."

"But you can Spike, you can tell me," Buffy leaned over the table slightly as she softly smiled at him. "Tell me you need me."

"I need you."

"Tell me you want me." Buffy looked passionately at him, her eyes burning with desire.

"I want you."

"Tell me you love me." Buffy lifted her free hand to Spike's face, caressing the chiselled line of his cheek.

"I love you, you know I do." Spike turned his lips into her hand, kissing her palm. "So much that I'm drowning in you, Summers."

"See Spike, you can tell me how much I mean to you," Buffy's smile tinged with anguish as she slightly titled her head. "I know the sadness that you feel. Don't you think that I haven't felt it sometimes when I pick up Imogen and see Ellie in her? That I didn't wish that Imogen were a reflection of you and me, not Ellie? Call it selfish but sometimes I wish she were my child—our child. That I don't feel guilty for those feelings?" Buffy cast her eyes down in shame, and after a moment she lifted her eyes back to Spike's gaze, seeing no condemnation in his eyes, she continued. "Sad that someone had to die so that we could find each other? I wouldn't have you, Imogen or the life I'm living now."

"Don't think like that love," Spike faintly whispered to Buffy, "you're living the life that you were meant to. With me." He touched the hand that still rested on his face and clasped it with his own, bringing her hands together and resting them on the table. "Me and Imogen."

"Sometimes I wish…" Buffy stopped speaking as if she was unsure of what she wanted to say.

"Be careful what you wish for Buffy." Spike looked at Buffy with serious contemplation written all over his face. "Unless it's for…"

"Miss, your shrimp," the waiter interrupted the couple's conversation and placed the small plate with a large cocktail glass full of shrimp on the table. He then placed Spike's appetizer in front of him. "Is there anything that I can get for either of you, sir or madam?"

"No thank you," Spike spoke in such an irate tone that the waiter left in a hasty retreat.

Buffy could only stare down at her food as she quickly grabbed the cocktail fork and began to eat the contents of the glass that held the large shrimps and sauce. For a second, Buffy glanced up at Spike and noticed the clear irritation on his face, swiftly breaking eye contact with him she went back to what she was doing. Buffy felt her chest tighten in anticipation for the conversation to resume, almost afraid of what he was going to say. She felt so stupid in that fear, as she was about to hear her every wish come true.

"Buffy," Spike grabbed her hand as she was about to take another shrimp from the glass.

"Yes."

"Look at me," Spike titled his head sideways until he drew her gaze away from her task. "Don't hide your eyes from me love, not now."

"I'm not hiding from you," Buffy placed her fork on the table and look straight into his eyes. "I…I'm…" her voice failed her as an overwhelming irrational sense of fear struck her.

"Afraid?" Spike finished her sentence for her. "Don't be, pet. Don't ever be afraid of what you want."

"And that would be what, Mister Smartypants?" Buffy tried to lighten the situation.

"What do you wish for ? Hmmm…" Spike took his hand away from her arm and lifted his fork, taking a bit of the food that sat in front of him. Buffy watched as Spike slowly chewed on his food and didn't even attempt to finish what he was saying.

"And what do I wish for Spike?"

"Everything Buffy, everything," Spike spoke after he swallowed the food in his mouth.

"Not specific enough Spike," Buffy picked her fork up again and lifted a shrimp onto it. Dipping it into the sauce and lifting it to her lips, but not before speaking again. "Tell me."

"A successful career after you finish university," Spike took another mouthful of food.

"One of many things that I'd want, and that's only a minor thing."

"Good health and money," Spike spoke after a moment of contemplation.

"Everyone wants that, Spike." Buffy began to feel frustrated. "Be more specific."

"Alright love," Spike placed his fork on the plate with a clang. "Belonging, love, devotion and passion," he said softly with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Spike, please." Buffy looked at him with exasperation peering through her eyes. "Don't tease me."

"I'm not, love; we all want all of those things," Spike continued to speak with a soft tone that only she could hear. "But Buffy, you already have them. You belong to me. You have my love and my utter devotion."

"You forgot about passion," Buffy voice trembled.

"Could you wish for more passion between us, Buffy?" Spike looked at her knowingly . his voice sounding so sultry smooth that she could feel her heart beat race faster in response and the hairs on the back of her neck curl up as her skin goose bumped. "Passion that burns and consumes us every time we touch each other, until it's all gone and reborn the next time we touch."

Buffy felt his words flow through her body and soul; Spike was right about the passion that they shared between them. It burned and consumed them, even the slighted touch from him could send her up in flames, but their shared passion for each other wasn't enough. Buffy wanted more. She could feel the desire for everything that was Spike to be hers and hers alone ignite. With some conviction and courage, she tried to think of how she could say it to him.

Again, simplicity would be the easiest way to tell him.

"Passion isn't enough, Spike. I want it all—belonging, love, devotion…" Buffy sat up straight and repositioned herself in her chair. "The house, white picket fence, car…husband and children. I want it all Spike, and I want it all with you."

"I'd give just about anything for that Buffy, anything." Spike took another mouthful of food and silently chewed.

"I can hear a 'but' in there," Buffy looked away, fear whelming inside her again.

"I'm sorry love _but_ there is," Spike glanced away from her as he tried to suppress the trepidation he felt begin to arise that she might just agree with some of the 'buts' Buffy heard in his voice. "Buffy, you're only eighteen. How can you be sure that you could spend a lifetime with me and Imogen?"

"I know my own feelings Spike, and I know that we can make it. I can understand that maybe you're frightened that I might find someone else. Here is my 'but'—I don't want anyone else. You're everything that I want and need. Imogen is an added bonus and I couldn't imagine her never being around in my life ever again."

"Imogen is another lifetime commitment Buffy. Are you ready to take on the role of her mum? I mean _really_ be a permanent part of her life. Are you _really ready_ to be called 'mum' by my daughter?"

"Spike, Imogen already thinks I'm her mom," Buffy beamed a smile at him. "I love her so much it hurts when I have to leave her. Do I really have to tell you this Spike? I would have thought that it was apparent every time I was with Imogen?"

"I'm not blind to the way you two react to each other, but I have to ask. I wouldn't be doing the right thing by Imogen if I didn't." Spike pushed the plate in front of him forward as he'd finished with its contents.

"Why are you rehashing things that we've already talked about before, Spike? You know that I want to be with you and Imogen. Every day I wish that I was with you, every second that I'm not, I think about us, you and Imogen." Buffy leant over the table. "My life would be empty without you and I can't imagine ever wanting to leave you."

"Good because I'm never letting you go, Summers. Never." Spike grabbed both of her hands together into a tight grip. "I wanted to wait a lot longer than this to talk about the future and what path we're headed down. But considering what's happened in the last few weeks, I think that we should talk about it now rather than later."

"You mean our future together?" Buffy voice croaked with nervousness.

"Yes love," Spike tightened his hold even more, "I want you to know that I want a total commitment from you, Buffy."

"You have my total commitment, Spike. What are you getting at?" Buffy deep down knew exactly what he meant but need him to say it.

"Buffy, I think that you're too young for it now, _but_ in a few years I want us to get married. I want you as my wife," Spike almost pleaded with her. "I want to have more children with you. I want you with me for the rest of my life."

"What do you mean by _'too young now'_?" Buffy looked a little cross at his words. "I think that should be my decision if I'm too young to get married."

"Sweetheart, you're eighteen and I'm nearly ten years older," Spike swallowed hard as he knew that he'd really have to tread carefully not to insult Buffy as he got his point across to her. "Buffy I don't want you to be sorry about being married so young. When you could have seen the world with your friends or something bloody else giving you a reason to regret us. Marriage is about sacrifices and compromise," Spike exhaled heavily. "I don't ever want to be the reason for any regret in your life. I don't think I could survive losing you to regret."

"I know that all relationships are about sacrifice Spike," Buffy sighed. "I saw what a disaster my parents' marriage became and they married late in life. I think that I know what I want and age has nothing to do with it."

"Hey survivor here too Buffy," Spike tried to smile. "I saw my mother and father at each others throats for years and they still are, well my mother maybe. I don't want that to be us."

"So we avoid that rocky road. You know, put a big 'No Entry" on that road and with my sense of direction we'll never find it anyway."

"Buffy…."

"Don't, Spike. I know my own mind and what I want. Please don't think for me. I can do that myself, even though sometimes I get things a bit mixy. I'm not an imbecile." Buffy made her stand against his objections.

"Maybe you're right, Goldie," Spike leaned over the table and kissed her softly on the lips, "but we are still going to wait until later. I'm not a cradle robber, Buffy."

"This isn't the sixteenth century, Spike." Buffy kicked him under the table with her shoe. "I've already got friends that have gotten married. Why should we be any different?"

"Buffy…" Spike shook his head and smiled, "you're like a puppy with a bone. Once you get your teeth into something you don't let go."

"No I don't and that's 'a fluffy puppy' to you." Buffy sighed again a bit louder this time her lip beginning to drop as she began to pout. "If we want to get married, why not sooner rather than later?"

"Because," Spike rested his head on his hand as he tried to think of a way to make her understand that it was best they wait until later. "You have to finish school at least and getting ready for the wedding would only be a distraction."

"Not a good enough excuse Spikey," Buffy pulled a face. "You have to do better."

"How about that I want to wait and I think that your mum would like for us to wait."

"You've spoken to mom already about us getting married?" Buffy tried to hide the joy on her face, smiling inwardly that he might be old fashioned and ask her mom for her permission first. Before he had even brought up the subject of marriage with her, Buffy felt a little unsure that her mother might be the one behind his insistence that they wait until she was older.

"No love," Spike saw the quick disappointment appear and disappear on her face. "But I don't think she'd be too happy with her daughter being a child bride."

"Fine!" Buffy sat back with her spine straight and her arms defensively crossed against her chest. "Whatever Spike."

"Love, I only want to put off our inevitable marriage for a few years," Spike leaned over and pulled one of her hands away from her chest. "Buffy, we need to wait just a little longer."

"Sounds like you are just trying to find excuses," Buffy tried to pull her hand back that now lay between his hands. "Do you even want to get married, Spike?"

Spike swallowed hard and with his free hand fumbled around in the pocket of his jacket that still hung on the back of the chair. Softly he swore, as what he was trying to retrieve wouldn't come out of the pocket. Finally without toppling himself over from where he sat, the small jewellers box came out from where he'd hidden it. Leaning over, he placed the large box onto the table between the two of them. Buffy's eyes widened in curiosity and her breath caught in her throat.

"I wasn't really planning to do this love, but I guess now is the right time," Spike watched Buffy as her jaw dropped in bewilderment. "I do want to marry you Buffy. Today if we could. Right at this moment, but as much as we want to now isn't the right time." Spike tried not to cave into her desire to marry as soon as possible; he needed Buffy to be sure when she said 'I do'. As hard as it was not to give in, Spike knew it was for the best as much as he could feel her hurt and disappointment he had to keep to his guns. "So what I'm asking Buffy is that will you marry me when you've finished university. Be my bride on your twenty-first birthday?"

"Huh…twenty-first?" Buffy stumbled, "That's nearly three years away, Spike. You want me to wait three years?"

""Well, kind of." Spike opened the box to show Buffy the diamond necklace that he'd brought with him. "I know that this isn't an engagement ring Buffy, but think of it as a down payment on one." Buffy's 'ohhhh' could be heard in the quiet of the dinning room, as people seated around them had stopped talking and had focused on them.

Neither of them noticed that they had become the centre of attention from a small cluster of tables. Nor did they see the smiles of amusement from others, as 'popping the question' seemed to have become a difficult one for the man seated with his girlfriend. Many of the women seated near them wanted to get up and shake Buffy as she made her displeasure clear to all around them at his desire to wait until she was older. The men surrounding them squirmed in their seats as they listened and felt some sympathy for Spike as he struggled with the situation.

"It's stunning," Buffy touched the stone with her finger moving in the box making it sparkle as the light refracted off it. "A down payment?"

"Yeah love, I suppose I should say it's a pre-engagement diamond necklace." Spike lifted the box from the table and removed the necklace. Standing up he moved to stand behind Buffy and undoing the clasp, he placed the chain with the pendent on it around her neck. "So Buffy, what do you say?"

""What do I say? It's so beautiful I can't believe that you bought it for me."

"All you have to say is 'yes', and believe it sweetheart, you're worth more to me than this," Spike leaned down and kissed her cheek. "When the time's right you can get a matching ring or have this diamond set into a ring. All you have to do is say yes."

"Of course it's yes!" Buffy placed a hand onto his cheek as she slightly turned her face to look at him. "I still think I'm right but if it makes you happy then we'll wait."

With that, he slipped his hands around her hair and fastened the clasp, letting the necklace rest around her neck. Turning in her chair, she faced him as she tugged onto the bottom of his shirt pulling him down onto his knees. Resting her hands onto his shoulders, she leaned into him and gentle placed her lips onto his. With light kisses, she expressed her pleasure and elation to Spike that deepened into an intensely passionate kiss. Both pulled away sharply as people surrounding them began to clap their hands together or raise their glass in salute to their happiness. Spike bent his head into Buffy's chest as he tried to hide his amused smile from Buffy, whose face reddened from embarrassment at being the centre of attention.

"Don't think that I'm going to make it easy for you making me wait," Buffy pulled gently on Spike's hair to make him lift his head up from her chest. "I'll make your life hell until you agree with me."

"We'll I could make it easier for you, if you'd consider moving in with me and Imogen," Spike smirked. "Then you'd be around to hassle me all you like and I'd get added benefits."

"Added benefits," Buffy lightly smacked his cheek. "Some cheek you have. One minute you want to wait to get married and next breath you ask me to move in. Make up your mind, Spike."

"Love, I think it would be easier to talk your mum around to you moving in with me than you becoming Mrs. Benson just yet," Spike got to his feet and moved back into his chair. "It'd also give her time to get used to the idea of you getting married young."

"Twenty-one is not young Spike," Buffy began defending her youth.

"These days it is, Buffy. Most women wait until they've finished school and their carers have taken off and I don't think that your mum would want anything less for you." Spike tried to make her understand his point of view a little more.

"Spike."

"What?"

"Shut up," Buffy ran her hand over her necklace, "I've agreed to wait, but I'm going to try my best to change your mind so let's just leave it at that. You're beginning to sound like a broken record."

"Okay sorry," Spike took her other hand that sat on the table. "Guess we should eat seeing as we've ordered it already. Mind you I'd rather take you home to bed and…"

"Spike please," Buffy could feel her face redden again as she knew that they were within earshot of other diners. "Stop it."

"Make me."

"Behave or you'll be on the sofa tonight," Buffy whispered to him.

"Promises….promises."

"Haven't I promised you enough tonight?" Buffy asked him.

"You haven't even begun to make enough promises to me love," Spike leaned over the table with his lips forming a cocky and suggestive grin. "This just the beginning."


End file.
